Today, in our busy lives we never have time to experience what we desire most in our life...love. Some of you have it. Some of you ignore it. But most people are looking for that perfect relationship. Sound familiar? Well, you might have been doing it wrong. Hey, I've been guilty too! The dynamics for love aren't conducive to how most people approach the entire affair. Hang in there...
Here is the ole One-Two tango most people use today:
Step One in this gig is to know the difference between like and love. Most people have their list of " past don'ts" to look for when they meet that potential new someone and the antennas go up. At the same time they have a list of the "do-wants" in play too. Should your mate pass both quickly...then there is a chance? Again, sound familiar?
By the way, and this is the Step One lesson, few of the items on either list was love. I bet they are mostly likes, respects and adores balanced by dislikes, lack of respect and abhor. This is an odd way to find love but it is the standard approach we have all used at times. So let's agree this step in this process isn't really about love at all. This is where the process allows you to fall in "like" with somebody and more likely not even them but their circumstance.
Step Two is then to spend more time with them to confirm these items. Ya know, the Ronald Reagen approach of trust but verify. This is a fun process because your new mate will sniff-out what these are and be more than pleased to confirm them for you. You will do the same. It is a dance made in heaven. When it works it is blissful. But you need to take a closer look at what you actually did...and this would be the lesson from Step Number Two that ultimately prevents you from going on to Step number Three that I didn't mention because you will never get there.
What you confirmed was that you REALLY liked these things on the list....not the human being. You already REALLY liked these things before they even showed up. You are primarily in love with circumstance and maybe a few human attributes thrown in. The attributes of the human persona are healthy metrics, but I bet if you analyze the list you will find most of them are simply circumstances...and that isn't love, it's like. Worse, you are in "like" with things that aren't even human. You don't need a mate for this.
Here is a more potent way. We'll call them Steps A-B.
Let us look at another one/two process and I think you will start to recognize what love is. This one works a whole lot better if you are looking for love...and want it to last beyond step two-point-five.
Step A: Imagine for a minute meeting someone without any list at all. No positive or negative evaluations going on. Now imagine them doing the same thing. What do you imagine might be happening? Hard idea to imagine in your mind isn't it? See? You are well trained my friends and it is very difficult to get these out of your head. Let me help you out here. What you are left with is you.... the observer . You aren't judging and more specifically, pre-judging...you are just observing. When you do this you see this person define themselves. You are literally allowing them the freedom to be them - whomever they choose to be. Just watch and see.
Herein this approach is the lesson learned in Step A (sounds so academic): When you approach a relationship in this way what you observe is a human being...being something. This time you are falling in love with beings. Yes, that is all of us! We are all being. This starts at our core decisions about who were are. It is like the stem cell of your everything. Love for being has great gravity and fills you up and lasts. A little different than the old Step One isn't it? Circumstances are quite shallow by comparison.
Step B: This is the real fun part. Imagine the highest idea of what you would desire they be. Not circumstances, remember these are in the "like" category. So money, job, car, home, or any metric external to them doesn't qualify. If you really love them focus on this. Use this as your ENERGY. You don't run on batteries folks and whatever approach you employ must be fueled and the charge will either be negative or positive. See how the energy plays into your approach to the matter? And remember, you aren't perfect either....are you? What if, in return, they focused on you in the same way with the intention of only fostering the best in you?. Here lies the lesson in the new and improved, Step B plan:
You have now laid the groundwork for two people to grow together...in a positive way. The old process armed you with negative approaches to the list. When you hit one - warning flags go up and you begin focusing on what you actually do not want. Negative charges start bouncing off the walls! Ever heard of the law of attraction? It works folks. You will find exactly what you seek and usually more than you "didn't" want of it. See the dance. See the HUMAN ENERGY you are employing?
Simply stated: You are either focused on the best of you - individuals - becoming....or you are focused on the likes (not love) and have them downgraded and minimized by all that energy waiting for the worst of them to show up - and of course, you will usually find it. By contrast, it is a lovely experience to be a part of someone becoming...the best of themselves. Your energy is a part of this. It is the most fundamental element (energy) of your participation in the event that only you are in charge of. Quite different than the old Step Two approach to things isn't it?
The last step in the process is retrospective. Take a moment to reflect. As an observer you can grow immensely from the relations you give up and don't pursue. In each encounter there is something there for you without judgment of right or wrong. When real love surfaces it will be so easily recognized. The relationship fostered the best of each of you and fed them some steroids (both your energies!) I am going out on a limb here and just guess...but, I bet you would just love that to happen wouldn't you? Indeed, you would love it because that is love. Get it?
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