So the person you love cheated. You are raging (!!!), you feel
humiliated and played, and you probably want to murder the lying traitor. (I know; I’ve been there!) But now, what are you REALLY gonna do?
This Gilda-Gram says it all: “When a betrayal happens TO you, it
really happens FOR you." Betrayal
signals that your relationship has been on shaky ground. You can either avoid this truth, or you
can finally do something about it.
You can choose to:
1.
Become a “poor me" VICTIM.
Depressing
2.
Become a vengeful FIGHTER.
Exhausting!
3.
Become a take-charge WINNER.
Triumphant!!
Betrayal can move you toward a richer future, IF YOU USE IT AS A
TOOL FOR HEALING.
Betrayal as a tool for healing involves 10 Must-Knows:
1. You must know the
definition of a cheataholic:
cheataholic, n. 1. Sl. love
junkie. 2. person addicted to
hidden passions, secret flirtations, and illicit romances behind the back of an
unsuspecting partner. 3. Biochem.
person who repeatedly seeks the rush of exhilaration that accompanies falling
in love.
2. You must know that
cheataholics are not motivated by sex alone. They are your average Jack or Jill
who entered a committed union with the best of intentions. Acknowledging that the thrill is gone,
they are now terrified that they no longer are appealing. They are so desperate to prove their
(sexual) worth, they put their own needs above others and engage in unsavory
and dangerous activities.
3. You must know that
the 7-year itch has gotten younger, and like your car, you must invest in
attention and maintenance from the moment you begin to love. If you slack off, your mate may feel
abandoned and act out, particularly if s/he is insecure.
4. You
must know that despite the screaming headlines of infidelity from Christie
Brinkley’s husband, Madonna, A-Rod, former Governor Eliot Spitzer, and more,
there are still 2.5 million weddings each year in the U.S. The industry spends $40 - $70 BILLION
annually, as people still opt for marriage and monogamy!
5. You
must know that the one you love is the one you’ll leave. The qualities you found endearing at
first can eventually wear on you:
the careful money manager is now seen as a tightwad; the powerful mate
is now seen as controlling.
Recognize what originally turned you on, and continue to embrace it.
6. You
must know that the fear of lovelessness is real. The only way around that is to love yourself unconditionally
so you can project to others how they can love you.
7. You
must know that you can unlearn the behaviors that haven’t served you. After a
betrayal, 65% of mates stay together, and with guidance, build a stronger
union. Of the 35% who split, most
question why they waited so long.
8. You
must know how to recognize relationship Red Flags when you see them—and leave
skid marks beside the people who don’t enhance YOU.
9. You
must know that there are 4 coping skills for dealing with a betrayer: avoidance, coercion, soothing, and
confrontation—the last of which is the ONLY one that can really heal your woes.
10. You must know that
you have the power to mend or to end your suffering. The only question is whether you are ready and willing. ARE YOU?
