Over the years, my husband, Bernd, has said some fairly strange things to me. But this one has to take the cake, so to speak. We were both sitting in front of the computer playing Bookworm. He was a little behind me and I was in charge of the mouse. He had just had me try a really outlandish "word." I made some comment or other and then he very seriously said, "I'm sorry. I mistook your head for a pineapple."
I turned a bit in my chair and gave him a perplexed look. He shrugged his shoulders as if to say, "I don't know." Then we both started laughing. I immediately wrote it down and he asked me why. I said that this was one I didn't want to forget; that I thought it would make a great title for a story, article or chapter in my memoir.
These odd things we say from time to time do make me worry a bit about what is really going on up there. I think that maybe they are little windows into our subconscious. As when a friend and I were discussing the dangers of drinking water bottled in plastic. I told him that I had switched to carrying it around in glass and he blurted out with real force and anxiety, "That's fine until you cut your feet!" I was speechless, literally. How do you reply to that? He had a point, but he said it with such vehemence and as if I was utterly stupid to do that, that instead of my mouth hanging open, it just clamped itself shut. There was a moment of silence and I changed the subject.
I really do wish that I had been writing down the silly things that Bernd has said over the years. But alas, I haven't. He's said his share of spoonerisms, too. You know, when you exchange syllables or sounds in a couple of words as in "one swell foop," which my chemistry professor said in lecture one day. The spoonerisms usually happen when Bernd is very excited about something or incredibly tired. I've probably done this more than he has. There have been "nuck baked," "swip the flitch, "cop the stat!" and many, many more.
There have been a few things said in my presence over the years that I just could not forget. One happened when a bunch of us got together and visited the Wax Museum in Buena Park , California . My sister and brother-in-law (ex) were part of the group. It was blisteringly hot in August as we stood in line outside the museum and that was when my brother-in-law said, "Do you think it's air conditioned inside? I sure hope so." We all just stood there with our mouths open in total disbelief that he had just said that. When you add the fact that he considered himself to be an intellectual, you'll understand why we laughed our heads off and have never let him live it down. After all, what are friends for if not to keep your feet firmly planted on the ground?
On another occasion, this same group of friends had met at my sister and brother-in-law's apartment. We were all sitting around discussing what types of music we like when my brother-in-law put on something by Mozart. I actually like Mozart, but that is neither here nor there. When it was finished, a very young member of our group said, "I wonder if this was recorded by the artist." We all just sat there and silently looked at him. For a moment or two he stared back at all of us and you could almost see the question mark floating above his head. Then all of a sudden he realized what he had said and started us all laughing. It's good when you can laugh along with someone who is genuinely laughing at themselves.
When my grandmother was still living, she would come every Saturday to have dinner with us. This was in the mid-west tradition that puts the large meal in the middle of the day and supper in the evening. On one occasion, Mom had made fried chicken. It was her habit to put a "bone plate" on the table to collect all the leg and thigh bones. This plate would make the rounds several times during a meal so that we all had extra room on our dinner plates for more food. On one of the passes, Grandma was about to be the recipient of the bone plate when she refused to take it and pass it on saying, "No thank you." When you are eleven years old, this is pretty darn funny and pretty soon you have everyone else laughing too.
All sorts of things are going on in our minds all of the time. It can get pretty cluttered and confused in there. Is it any wonder that sometimes very silly things come out of our mouths? This doesn't even touch on the issue of Freudian slips.
I haven't come up with a good use for Bernd's silly two sentences yet, but someday I will. He did say to me this morning that if we don't really always know what is going on in our minds, we might as well have a fruit sitting on our shoulders as anything else. Possibly he is still trying to figure out why he said that. Fruit for thought, anyway. In the meantime, I would love to hear about your spoonerisms or anything silly you have heard someone sayor said yourself.
Dianne Lehmann is a jewelry designer who has been in business since January of 2000. Her interest in designing and manufacturing jewelry goes back beyond that to 1994. It took her many years of trying various creative outlets to finally figure out that making jewelry is where she could really shine. Dianne began with simply stringing beads onto cable and has progressed from there. She is now an accomplished lapidary (cuts and polishes stones) and silversmith. Dianne and her husband, Bernd, live in northern Arizona and both love to hike. Dianne can not help but pick up rocks (they are her first love) and some of these find their way into her jewelry. Dianne makes one-of-a-kind pieces that she hopes give people as much joy to view as she gets from the making of them. If you like, you may view her work at http://www.syzygyjewelry.com
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» left by judi perkins from bethel, ct (61 days 11 hours ago.)
Since I'm a professional writer, and I love the New York Yankees and am quite familiar with Yogi-isms (Yogi Berra), the snippet of this column on the home page caught my eye and I had to read the whole thing. It totally cracked me up - especially the one about Grandmother saying, "No, thank you," to the plate of bones. Priceless. Remembering my own versions of that kind of thing sends me off into cascades of laughter decades later.
Here's one that happened when my sister and I were about 6 and 9 respectively. We were pretty well behaved as a rule, but we weren't perfect, so no matter where we were or what we were doing, there were always periodic interjections or glaring faces from one of the two parents.
On this particular occasion mom and dad and Susan and I were at the dinner table. Mom and dad were having an adult discussion, which bored both my sister and I silly. So we were playing with space illusion concepts. As Susan sat across the table, she closed one eye and maneuvered her finger right in front of her face. "My finger's up your nose," she said to me, which prompted mom to absent mindedly turn around and say to her, "Well wipe it off and cut it out."
I'm practically falling out of my chair laughing just writing this. Thanks for your article. It was great. I'm sending it to my sister.
» left by Dianne Lehmann(2,601) Dianne Lehmann (61 days 8 hours ago.)
Hi Judi, thank you so much for sharing (!) and thank your mom for that wonderful slip up. I'm glad you liked the article. I was wracking my brain when I wrote the article to try to remember other instances of silly things being said and lo, what you wrote reminded of another one. Thanks. In a biology class in high school, our instructor was demonstrating how to use a piece of equipment. He had the plug in his right hand and just as he was saying, "And you plug this in here," he decided to put a finger of his left hand into his left ear and scratch it. We all busted up laughing and he couldn't figure out why! Thanks again, Dianne
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