Feng Shui is the ancient Chinese practice of furniture placement to appease the Taste Maker Gods for prosperity, health, happiness and tranquility.
As a recent Christian convert, I strongly believe that Feng Shui is not for me. Although it seems rather nice on paper, I feel uneasy with the prospects of a Buddha in my living space. Jolly as he may be, housing Old Bud breaks quite a few of the Ten Commandments.
Though everything New Age has an original, Biblical counterpart, I decided to search the scriptures for anything remotely similar to moving furniture around to achieve blessings.
Growing up Jewish, we did have some Old Testament Feng Shui going with Mezuzahs on every doorpost and a Ben Shahn litho in every room. I guess The proper Chi was imbalanced cause my parents were the first to get divorced in Nassau County and our house was later struck (and destroyed) by a bolt of lightening. Was it cause I tried to change the polarity of our kosher home with forbidden strips of bacon, I’ll never know.
On conversion – in the Deep South no less – I realized that to properly blend, I had to get rid of my Yankee and New York ethnicities. That meant now sharing my space with Thomas Kinkade and Holy Land tchatchkas. But do New Testament Believers get better blessings than their culturally Old Covenant counterparts? Christian Book Stores, who are impeccably and sinlessly decorated, seem to go Chapter Eleven faster than the Adult Bookstores around the corner. How did their Christian Feng Shui go so horribly wrong?
We can read the Book of Deuteronomy to tips on Blessings and Curses. But, Moses and his congregation didn’t have a building or even houses. They were mobile without a mobile home. No Feng Shui for them!
Perhaps these Christian decorating tips will bring you blessings, health and prosperity.
Have at least one Daily Devotional or Feel Good Affirmation taped to every mirror.
A wooden Santos or a bowlful of Milagros on one living room corner. Not for Pentecostals and other anti-papists.
Mellow, soaking worship music looped 24/7.
Get rid of your Kitchen Witch and Dirt Devil.
Declutter your bedroom. Keep your Chick-fi-a coupons under the mattress.
Replace Lucky Buddha with pictures of your pastor after the last potluck. Odds are he is getting the same shapely, Buddha Belly.
Substitute Gong for Shofar.
A plate of Easter Peeps on the mantle will bring prosperity but also ants.
Can’t afford a fountain in front of your building? Would a Drinking Duck do?
Does Christian Feng Shui work? I know that God has great taste, and as I press in, my tastes should improve to. From Cracker Barrel to Crate and Barrel, boldly I march on.
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