Does it feel like you will never find the right mate? It doesn't have to be that way! Many people wander through life wondering why they can't find a lifelong mate. Why is so hard to find the right one? If there are really many fish in the sea, why does it seem so hard to "net" the one for you? The answer to these questions may be simpler than you think, and it starts with YOU!
No doubt, you are looking for someone who possesses love, goodness, joy, faithfulness, peace, gentleness, patience, self-control, and kindness. These qualities come straight from Galatians 5:22-23 and they are qualities that your prospective mate is, certainly, looking for as well. Do you possess them? Start there and know that possessing these qualities is a lifelong pursuit, not a final destination. You don't need to be perfect (no one is), but you must be prepared to be a mate if you are going to find one.
What next? Well, your success at finding a mate depends largely on what you are focusing on. Attractiveness is a poor reason for selecting a mate. Of course, physical attraction is important, but there are far more important things to consider when choosing a mate. Consider these things:
What is his/her attitude toward and relationship with his/her own family?
What is the condition of his/her spiritual walk?
Beyond the superficial, what deeper issues (character, mindset, attitude) exist?
Does he/she have similar goals for the future and/or dreams that you could support?
The secret to choosing the right mate is to develop friendships where you can truly observe the character and behavior of a prospective mate. Not only will this lead to realistic attitudes toward your relationship, friendship is the basis for a strong marriage. My wife is my best friend! What better foundation for a healthy marriage could anyone ask for! Forge deep friendships, but don't cross the line emotionally or physically! Be a friend! A true friend never plays with the heartstrings. Don't leave anyone broken in your pursuit of a mate.
If you are serious about finding a mate, then don't adopt the "kiss many frogs to find the prince" mentality. Build relationships only with those you consider marry-able. A lifelong mate is someone who motivates you to be your best; encourages, comforts, and defends you; challenges and encourages you; is patient and forgiving with you; and accepts you as you are. Do you see these qualities in your prospective mate or are you hoping they will develop? If you have a list of "things to change" about your prospective mate, you are making a HUGE mistake. Only God can change someone. Ask yourself, "Am I ready to embrace the differences of my love interest for a lifetime?" If you think you will be able to change your partner once you're married, you are entering marriage for the wrong reasons!
Still, change is inevitable. Make sure you're ready to accept that or you will become quickly disenchanted with marriage even if you choose the right mate. As the saying goes, the honeymoon will end. Life will step in and you will have to fight harder. BEFORE you marry, make sure that this is a partner you are prepared to love through all of the progressions of life.
Be patient, prayerful, and honest as you seek your mate. Next to deciding how you will spend eternity, choosing a spouse is the most important decision of your life. Remember, the wrong spouse is DEFINITELY worse that no spouse at all!!
Paul J. Meyer is a best-selling author and founder of over 40 companies, but his greatest joy and fulfillment come from his marriage to his best friend, Jane. The father of 5 children and 15 grandchildren, Paul J. Meyer knows the value of a good marriage. To learn more read his booklet "How to Find the RIGHT Spouse for a Lifetime", available at www.pauljmeyer.com.
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