There is some terminology as a Christian that I hate to hear. One such phrase I hear a lot is, "you have to have faith." It always seemed funny to me when people said that to me.
I thought I had faith. I believed in God. I went to church. I did my Bible study. I knew God could do amazing miracles and had witnessed them in other people's lives.
Recently, I have had a new revelation. Granted, this isn't the first time God has tried to teach me this lesson of to trust him and I know it won't be the last. Today, however, I feel he is looking down on me saying, "I told you so."
My walk has always been weak in the faith and trust department. Those are issues I have battled in real life with humans my entire life because of past hurts. My problem arises when I put God on a human level. It is when I do this that my trust and faith fail. I can always point out His miracles and work in other people's life, but fail to see His work in my own life.
I think the reason why I could witness His work in others lives is because they were not embarrassed to share the way God was moving. I recently realized I had this huge issue of pride that was masking the amount of work He was doing in my whole life.
After careful examination, I realize God is working just as much in my own life when I let His work be carried out in my life. Lately, it has even seemed like He is showing off just how much he can do. No, I did not win the lottery, but issues and problems now fall on His shoulders to handle. In hopes of getting others to inspect their own life, I thought I would just share this past week of miracles in my life. Yes, some may seem small to others, but to me it was great and mighty work.
It all started at the beginning of the weekend. We have been down to one car for the last year. Bad budgeting and unplanned expenses has left us unable to repair the other car. I can't tell you the fear that I had when our only car we were driving made this horrible sound. We had to pull over, entire family in the car, five minutes from our house. Timing could have not been worse. It was the day before the fourth of July and the kids were looking forward to going to a friend's house the next day. Of course, we were panicked worrying about finding a place to get it fixed on a holiday and having the money to do it. We called a guy from our church that repairs cars as a hobby when he is not working his so-called real job. He explained that it was just a fan belt that broke and he could fix it. The man gave up two hours on the holiday morning and fixed our car. When my husband offered him a check, he wouldn't take it. He said that God had given him the talent to fix cars. He did not have money to give so it was his way to give to others.
I talked to my girlfriend that day and told her how we were thinking we would go put cash in their mailbox. It was the pride in me refusing to let go. She became angry and said I needed to learn to accept the gift and it was insulting to that person to not accept it. This was new concept to me. It wasn't until that moment until I understood what he felt.
Every year at Christmas, I cook and bake for our neighbors. I would get so angry when they would run out and buy gifts in return. It wasn't the point. I had no money and wanted to spread Christmas joy. It always hurt me that they wouldn't just accept the gift. I realize now that I was acting the same way as my neighbors.
By the end of the weekend, my faith was gone. My daughter is outgrowing her little toddler bed. She hits her legs on the footboard. Feeling like a bad parent I looked online at bargain furniture stores in hopes of finding something that we could afford. After hours of wasted time, I decided to look for full-time jobs instead. My husband was a little upset explaining that God will provide what we need. I told him it wouldn't hurt to look and see what was out there because before long we would be back in school with even more expenses.
The next night I am talking on instant messenger to a friend when she says she has a question. She asked if I knew anyone who needed a twin size bed. I cracked up! My pride still got in the way, but I took the gift gratefully in the end. God is such a show-off at times. I immediately called my husband at my son's baseball practice-he started laughing!
Last night was the icing on the cake, though. My son has had such a battle and I have lived with a lot of guilt over the last year. About a year ago, I realized something. I realized my son has a heart for sports like nothing I had ever seen. It made him happy, really happy like nothing else ever did. I know it is sports, but seeing your child happy can make or break you. So I said a stupid prayer that I often times wish I could take back. I prayed for God to never take his sports away. He was then diagnosed as legally blind in one eye. I blame myself for never noticing. It affected his whole life. It was affecting his sports. He struggled and struggled and our hearts broke more and more.
He started to battle back. He prayed to God and became close to Him this year. He had a great year in baseball. He made the all-star team only to find himself on a team that was tearing up his confidence. We made a hard decision as parents to not let him travel with this team to another state to play in the World Series. We debated if we were making the right decision even after a ton of prayer. He just didn't want to stop playing baseball.
We decided to sign him up in a summer league so he would still be able to play. Last night, God really showed off and out did himself. I saw my son the happiest he has been since his diagnoses. He was jumping up and down when teammates made outs. His grin was from ear to ear. He is still talking about his games today. That happiness is contagious. We are all glowing today. Not only did my son have an amazing time, he got his first homerun of the season along with a single, double and triple. To a seven year old, that is God's finest work.
God never stops working in our lives. Seeing that and sharing that is what faith is all about. He works in our lives just the same as He does in every other individuals. I have endless examples, but I will share only a couple more.
I have never bought clothes for my daughter. She turns four this year and I have only bought one package of underwear for her. There is a couple in our church whose daughter is two years older. They have given me bags and bags of clothes over the years. The first year, I did everything I could to offer money. Then I would buy gift cards for Christmas. I always felt guilty. I am now grateful for the gift.
When I first had my daughter and gave up working full time, I was scared to death about making it on one income that was less than my income. God always provided. He always does. He provided two awesome part-time jobs from places I would never have imagined. Now my husband has one extra as well. God always provides.
I know these might look like coincidences for most, but for us every one of these gifts from God were answers to prayers! Thank you God for being there even when I had no faith. Thanks for providing for us even though we don't deserve it.
