You know your marriage is in trouble when...
1. Your wife keeps calling you Matthew McConaughey.
2. Your wife keeps excusing you for passing gas... when you haven't.
3. Your wife thanks you for the beautiful flowers... that you didn't send.
4. Your wife picks up your suits from the dry cleaners once a week... but you don't own any.
5. Your wife keeps coming home late from work... but she doesn't have a job.
6. Your wife thanks you for the romantic evening... but you were asleep.
7. Your wife has replaced all your pictures in the home with those of her "cousin" Raphael.
8. Your wife dresses up for you... in her overalls.
9. Your wife packs your bags for your business trip... but your a plumber.
10. Your wife makes a salad for you with lettuce, green onions and tomatoes... with salmonella.
11. When you offer your wife a kiss and she accepts it... by bending over.
12. When your wife washes your clothes for you... and bleaches EVERYTHING.
13. When your wife asks you to fix the electrical outlet... at the bottom of the pool.
14. When your wife covers you with honey... and introduces you to her friend the bee keeper.
15. When your wife tells you she needs to go find herself... and she doesn't come back.
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