OK, so you have found the woman of your dreams. She is everything you want. You find yourself thinking of her all of the time and longing to spend special moments together. The only problem is... she doesn't even know that you exist.
So, what do you do?
First and foremost... don't freak out. Relax. Be yourself. I know this can be difficult when the chemistry is taking over. But, if there is one thing that will ruin your chance to catch her eye and her heart it is... nerves.
There are many things that a woman is looking for in a man. Of course, every woman is unique and has her preferences. But, there are some areas that most women share in common when they describe what attracts them to that special guy.
Confidence
Most women are looking for a man that is confident. Now, don't confuse this with being egotistical or narcissistic. A man who acts like he is better than everybody else and that the world revolves around him is a big turn off. So is the man that thinks that he is God's gift to women. A woman wants a man that is comfortable with himself. A man who knows his place in the world. A man who is able to admit both his strengths and his weaknesses. A man who knows what he wants out of life and how he is going to get it.
Strong but Gentle
Now this might sound rather odd to many of you men, but a woman is looking for a man that is strong... but gentle. Does that make sense? Think about that for a moment. A woman doesn't want a man who is going to muscle his way through every situation. She doesn't want a man that is too pushy, bossy or overbearing. His strength must be in his ability to say what he means... and do what he says. But, to be considerate and thoughtful of others. To be able to stand his own ground without trampling all over everybody else's turf. A man who knows that some things are fragile and must be handled with care.
Sensitive and Empathetic
A woman wants a man who is sensitive. Now this doesn't mean emotionally disturbed. She doesn't want a cry baby. But, she does want a man who will understand her feelings, her emotions, her needs, wants and desires. The ability to identify and understand her emotions and what they mean to her is very, very important to a woman. It is also important to the woman that the man is able to able to show emotion, that he has feelings other than just anger and sexual desire. She needs to know that he has a heart that cares about lost animals, broken nails, and bad hair days.
Humor
Most every woman is looking for a man that has a good sense of humor. A man that doesn't take himself too seriously. A man who doesn't take life so seriously that he is incapable of having fun. She wants a man that can laugh at himself, who can kid around and joke and play. Most women, however, are not comfortable with a man who laughs too much at other's misfortunes.
Romance
Now this one can be a little tricky because romance means different things to different people. It is the art of wooing, enticing, flirting, challenging, and rewarding that special someone. It is a dance of words and body language. It is the ability to make someone else feel special, wanted, attractive, smart, desirable and lovable. It cannot be rushed nor delayed too long, but must follow a natural rhythm. It can be accomplished most successfully when you are able to relate intimate feelings through gestures or gifts that capture the moment and the friendship in such a way as to say... YOU move me.
Transparency
This brings us back where we began. Transparency is the ability to be yourself. Don't put on a show. Be real. Don't pretend, or act, or try to hide the person you really are. If you can be who YOU are then that special someone will find YOU, because she is looking for a real man.
Now that you know what she is looking for and you are ready to emphasize these aspects of your personality and still be yourself, then you are ready to make your appearance. So, how do you get her attention?
Be a man. Don't be shy. Walk right up to her and say hello. Acknowledge her. Compliment her if possible. "Hi! Your hair (or shoes, or dress, or grenade launcher) looks GREAT. How are you doing?
Always give the woman an opportunity to volunteer information about herself. But, don't expect her to blurt out her whole life story in one sitting. Give her something to talk about and take it from there. Don't rush things. She doesn't want you to walk up and tell her that you are madly in love with her. Remember... you were the invisible man. She doesn't even know you. Give her a chance to build a relationship and that takes time and communication.
Pay Attention to What She Says
Women are great communicators. In fact their vocabulary exceeds that of men by about 30 to 40%. That means that she can easily talk circles around you. So, when she is talking listen for the feelings that she is trying to convey. Don't be afraid to ask questions or make comments that relate to emotions. "How did that make you feel?" "That must have been sad."
Don't be afraid to invite the woman to do something special. If she looks like she might be a little uncertain, invite her to an event where there will be other people, where she will feel safe. If it sounds like she is interested in you and wants to know more about you invite her to do something a little more private, like have a cup of coffee at Star Bucks, dinner, lunch or go to the beach. But, whatever you do have fun! Don't try to do all these things in one day. Take your time. Give her a chance to process what is happening so she can sort through her feelings.
Give her your phone number and give her an opportunity to call you. Don't rush to the phone as soon as you get home from your date. Let her call you. Give her a day or two. If you don't hear from her by the third day give her a jingle just to let her know that you sure had a great time...and, "Hey, why don't we get together again?"
Now, just do it!
