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These past two weeks have been nothing but a storm brewing and yesterday it exploded and poured down on me and my husband.
While taking the Lay Leadership course, God helped me realize that I
have more strength then I thought. You see, throughout my life I was a
slave to negative thought patterns. It consumed me and I thought I was
worthless. Sure, I had read all of those verses in the Bible where God
tells us that we are special and that each one of us was made
especially for Him. But, I never believed Him. The enemy kept telling
me that I was nobody because so many people from my past told me that
and I believed them.
It never dawned on me that I needed to believe God and what He was trying to tell me. What He is trying to tell all of us.
I now have more confidence in God and His Word. I have come to a realization that I really am nobody….without Christ!!!
This weekend the bottom fell out and there was a whirlwind of
emotion that came flooding up in my heart, out my mouth, and onto the
heart of my husband….and vice versa.
I am just now starting to understand that emotion and living a Godly
life should not co-exist. Sure, there are moments that your emotions
flood your soul, but it should not be a constant thing. Sometimes it is
hard to hold them back.
BUT living a Godly life is a choice…a deliberate choice and not an
emotion stemming from asking God to help in a bad situation that you
have gotten yourself into.
This morning I was to lead worship in church…It was hard. I cried as
I came into the church, I cried in prayer before the service, and I
cried on the way up on the platform. My emotions were trying to
overtake me. But, I had a choice. A choice to keep crying, feeling
sorry for myself, and in the midst of that letting everyone know that
their worship leader was a weak Christian…or I could stand up there,
bring glory to God in the situation that I put myself into and praise
and worship Him from the bottom of my heart.
The first song was a struggle because the 3rd line of the chorus
talked about when darkness comes. In the practice yesterday, I started
to sing that line and I broke down in an emotional mess.
What god did I serve? I was serving the god of fleshly emotion that
tells you you are not going to get through this…hence his name…THE
DEVIL!!!
I encouraged the congregation to listen to the words that they were
singing. To not just sing the songs but to let the words reach into
your heart and meditate on them as you glorify God through them.
However, I had no strength to give anyone. After I started singing the
second line of the 1st song, God gave me the strength to go on. He knew
that I had nothing left to give to these people.
I started to feel free to lead His people into a holy worship that I
had not felt in a long while. It was a precious moment of my life as
well as others, I am sure. Not because of me…no, but because of God's
mercy, His grace, His strength, His love.
Please remember that when you are struggling with something. Tell God. Tell Him your problems. Complain to Him if you have to. Don't complain at
Him because He never changes…we do. He already knows what is in your
heart, but believe me telling Him out loud, singing His praises, and
worshiping Him during the storms of your life, He will give you the
strength that you need to survive it.
May God Bless You All. |
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