Me - Good morning self thanks for taking some time to talk with me today.
Self – Aw tain't nuthin'. Les get to it hombre, I needs ta make sum dough while the sun's shinin'
Me – Yes, yes, don't we all in these troubled economic times. My first question focuses on the president, Do you think that the president has the answers to fix our economy?
Self – Well now that president's a fine fellar an all but I don't think he's the sharpest knife in the drawer. Jes look at at news confrence he spoke at t'other day. A fella ast him if the conimy was poorly how oughta the publik act. Ol' George says that ever body is workin' and the conmiy's growin' and so ever body oughta jus be patient cuz its all good. Don't sound like no solution to nuthin', sounds like a lotta back country Texas double talk ta me.
Me – Yes, I see. So you think that the President is responsible for the mess the country is in now?
Self – Whoa pard I never seys no sech thang. I jus says he don' have no answers seppin double talkin Texan two steppin'. No man what has no answers has got no solushuns I figure. An iffin' a man got no solushuns the man cain't be blamed for not solvin' no problems. No sir, I havta say that ol' George got put inta that office up ther on Kapitol Hill and he had lotsa folk that done voted him up thar. So it ain't his fawlt he ain't got no solushuns to nuthin'; he ain' had none afore he went and thar ain't no magic Pantera's box up thar fulla slips o paper with solushuns writ on ‘em. So no, it ain't that Texan's fawlt we's inna mess; it's everone's fawlt that done voted the man inta offise.
Me – Well, that's deep Self, I never thought of the voters taking responsibility for a bad President.
Self – Well now you ain't alone in that ‘un I tell ya.
Me – No, I suppose I'm not. So Self, what made you come to the conclusion that President Bush would make a poor president?
Self – Ya no thars an intrestin' queshton. The firs time I sar tha man on thu TV I says to myself, Me, that mans no good for thes here kuntry, tha man thar's jus ol' Frank Burns offa tha Mash TV show ina suit. Ya know that fellar I'm talkin' bout?
Me – Yes, the doctor on Mash who's girlfriend was Hot Lips Hoolihan?
Self- Hot damn tha's thu ticket. I say the close set beady eyeball on thu man, the disappearin' lip, thu way he's talkin' all insecure wen thu fellars in thu press is askin' him a kweshtin. I says, thas Frank Burns and thas no Prezident. I says to masefl, tha man got no bizness actin' like no Prezident, tha man got no krudenshalls ta be president, thu man got a rich Daddy and his Daddy gots lots o' rich friends, thas thu onliest reezon he got ta be Prezident.
Me – So you think that the President sort of got the job as a gift from his father and his father's wealthy friends?
Self – I don' know how else ta figure on it. Sides, like I says afore, thu man ain't got no solushuns nohow so how's a man lake at get inta offise inna firs plase?
Me – So you would say that the economy is in the current downfall because the President for eight years has had no solutions to the country's problems?
Self – I don no bout you but I don' see nuthin' been dun in 8 yeers, has you? Ol' George started tha "Ain't No Child Gonna Get Left at the Bus Stop" edukashun stratergy, ya recall them thar werds?
Me – Uh Yes, I believe it was called, "No Child Left Behind"
Self – Whatever ya say pard, I still figured it meant som little critters was getin' left by some nasty ol' bus driver and ol' George din like it. Anyhow that thar law had mor toit than jus busses I tell ya. Ol' George figured them kids oughta larn ta read real good to so he put sumthin' calld Readin number one in that thar bill.
Me – Yes, "Reading First" was the backbone of the curriculum of the President's education bill.
Self – Weeeeelllll, that thar bill's got no more backbone than ol' George got now. Cuz that Readin' First program's got cut out and all that thar money's got taken back acuz that thar program din't teach no kids ta read nohow.
Me – So his educational program failed.
Self – Ya went down like a lame mule inna pack o coyotes. But thas nuthin' compered ta his foreign policee come crashin' down like a cowboy offin a mad bull. All covered in bull slober and getin' kickd and stomped on, an clowns runnin' roun keepin' the bull offn him, like ol' Condominium tryin'..
Me – You mean Condoleeza?
Self – Ya that ol' smart, piano playin' spinster woman he's got runnin' aroun ta meet with all them oil barins in the dessert. She's runnin' aroun tryin' to keep thu bull frum stompin' old George ta death. Why it got so bad tha George's good wife Laura went out ta make sum speeches too. I guess ol' George was too bloodied up ta get up offin that dirt ta do his own talkin'.
Me – You almost sound lilke you feel sorry for George W. Bush.
Self – Yah I gues I gotta soft spot fer ol' George. Ya know it's kinda like when some father puts their lil' kid inta little league and makes ‘em go ever day and the kid ain't no good fer nuthin' at it but his father wants ta live out his own dreams thru his kid. The kid knoes he ain't no good at catchin' thu ball or hittin' with the bat, and ever body els knoes it too. Just like George ain't no good at makin' speeches or no good at goin' ta war and no good at lookin' after thu money sitiation, or no good at answerin' questions, and…
Me – Ok, I get it, he's no good at being President but what's your point.
Self – Well, I jus mean that I don get no sense that Ol' George wuda run fer president on hiz own. He'da never been no govner nether. I think that ol' boy woudla stayed at home thar at hiz ranch and lived on his family's money. But his daddy pushed him into little league and made him play thar and he don like it and he ain't no good at it and ever body with a brain knows it's true. Ya can't blame a kid who cain't live up to their parent's ambitions. It ain't fair to the kid.
Me – Well Self thank you for your insights this morning. I hope we will get another chance to talk again soon.
Self – Ben ma honer ta talk with ya this fine marnin' pard. God Bless America!
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