"I
don't know what's worse lying to my friends and family and how it make
me feel or lying to myself about how I feel. There are days I don't
even know the truth from lies. I constantly lie. About little things,
big thingseverything. I need help and support. I feel totally
helpless. How do I stop lying?"
I understand how you feel. It's painful because you lie so that people like or love you more, but it only makes you unhappy. And others don't trust you! Because they know - even if they don't tell you
Follow These Seven Steps To Stop Lying
1) You cannot stop lying if you have not admitted to yourself
that you have. Staying in denial state of mind only prolongs your pain
and reinforces behaviors that make you unhappy with yourself. Therefore
- admit and accept responsibility.
2) Make a list of all the resources you
already know that works for you. List the strategies that have worked
for you in the past, in all areas of your life, to achieve any type of
goal. (For example: I stay motivated by listening to motivational tapes
and reading books.)
3) Keep a list of your lying slips - the
times you fall of the wagon. Ask yourself: "Hey, what happened? (For
example: I was feeling insecure about my actions, so I lied , because
it make me feel better.)
This exercise is important because learning takes place when you start asking questions.
4) List the reasons why
your lying did not address your problem. Ask yourself: "What didn't
work here? Why not?" ( Example: Lying did not make me feel better in
fact it made me feel worse about myself - later.)
If you can
learn as much as you can from one lie, then the next lie isn't quite so
traumatic. Remember, it's more important to think of progress rather
than perfection.
Or past lies and behaviors are only information. Use it to correct and improve your present and your future. I read somewhere, "If life is worth living it's worth recording."
5) Invest in an expensive diary and start recording your actions. Record your reasons for lying. And start a dialogue with yourself.
6) Recording your actions
make you aware. And you need to develop the skills of awareness. You
may be too critical of your self. Are you? When you tried to stop lying
for one day and you failed, do you feel guilty? Do you play the
negative images repeatedly in your mind?
Remember: you are not
your behavior. When you feel bad and find fault with yourself, you
empower your lying habit. The best solution is to become aware of the
lie, disassociate yourself from it - because you are not your behavior
- and record how it made you feel.
7) The next step is to become an effective risk taker, because progress in life is always going to involve risk. I had many fears and bad habits and I knew I had to take action.
For
example, that's why I confronted my fear of heights and I Bungy jumped
110 meters from a bridge over the Zambezi river. What I have learned is
to be in control of my destiny. And my destiny was limited by my fear.
Not anymore!
I (you) must be willing to become and actor. Not a reactor. Even
if you believe you cannot do it just act as though you can - because
from acting comes action and from repeated action comes believe.
Are you willing to Bungy jump the lying habit?
Because you must be willing to risk failure. And by being prepared to
take risk you'll out grow your lying habit. Make a list of all the
scary risks and confront them.
If you start to take these
actions you'll control your mind rather than your mind controlling you.
Not only will you stop the lying habit you can use these steps to stop
any bad habit.
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