We see it all the time. Parents losing touch with reality and trying to reach their dreams through their children. Go to any kid sporting event and you will be able to point out several parents doing this within the first five minutes.
As many of you know, my son is playing summer baseball league. Last night, I was able to witness the right and wrong way to coach a kid. You see, there is this woman coach that I have encountered many times in the spring and as luck would have it, she is one of the coaches in the summer league as well.
My husband laughed hysterically when he saw that we were playing them the other night. He is supportive like that. I am not sure why she gets under my skin as much as she does. It could be that I see me in her at times. Or it could be the way she takes away the love of baseball. She has become a representation of how to suck the fun or love of the game out.
I had a rude wake-up call a few years ago at one of my son’s soccer game. I realized that I was yelling too much. How did God deal with me destroying my son’s self-esteem? He took my voice away.
Last night, I sat between the field in which my son was practicing and the field where this coach was holding practice. After her team was done, I heard her husband call to her that it was time to leave.
Her son and her were left on the field as she berated him. These are just a few of the exclamations she was screaming at him.
“You will never hit."
“That is a strike out-two fouls and one strike-you would have been out."
“You will never get a hit if you swing like that"
“You aren’t even watching the ball."
As the screaming went on and on, the criticisms of the boy considerably got worse. He was doing everything he could to hit the ball despite being continually torn apart by his own mom.
On the flip side, we have one kid on our team that has been struggling all summer. The sad news is that he was on her team in the spring. She never took the time to actually teach instead of continually yelling what they were doing wrong.
Our coach saw that he did not want to do the coach pitch because the boy felt he could not hit the ball. Baseball is 97 percent confidence and believing in yourself and only three percent talent.
The coach told the kid he was good and that the coach knew he could hit the ball all the way to the fence. He pulled out a batting tee. Worked with the kid on his swing and had him hitting the ball to the fence. This time it was our player doing the yelling. Our coach had him yelling that he was good. “I am good!" It ranged through the entire park!
He then began doing soft toss with the kid and as he began to hit it-the kid was smiling ear to ear. When coach asked if he was ready for him to throw from the mound, the kid was still scared and said no.
The coach did not force him, just told him that he knew he was good and couldn’t wait to see him hit it in the game. The kid left yelling, “I am good!"
As we left the fields, I realized we were the last ones left except for the woman and her son on the other field. She was still yelling at him telling him that he wasn’t good. I felt uneasy leaving the boy.
I think sometimes parents lose sight of what is important. It isn’t having a kid who is good. It is having a kid who is learning to love the game and having fun at the same time. It probably was the hardest lesson I had to learn.
I know what it is like when you want more out of your kids and then begin to lose your temper. It builds and builds until I think you don’t realize who you are or what you are doing.
I wish at these times we could have out-of-body experiences and actually see the effects we are having on our children and how we look to them. Anyhow, I have been uneasy worrying about leaving that child alone in an empty park with his mother. I felt many times throughout the night the need to step in and help the child. However, with matters within a family, I felt it was a private matter. Plus as my husband has pointed out many times, the woman could take me. So fear took the best of me and I sat silently by as she tore her son apart.
I share this in hopes that other parents will take a look at how they parent their kids on the field. Since I was too fearful to stand up, I hope others will change how they parent.
Give your child the opportunity to succeed. Take baby steps and help them to see their own successes. Praise them continually. Even when they miss the ball at the plate, yell-Great swing!
There is always something positive to point out! Do it! Find it and point it out! Continually re-evaluate the purpose. Let your kid have fun! Let him know you think he/she is a super star! They grow up so fast and will have to face criticisms soon enough! Let you be the person who is positive. After all if you as their parent don’t believe in them, who will?
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