It was a Tuesday afternoon about four o'clock. My co-worker held nothing back with three teenaged girls that sat on a leather-looking sofa in front of her. The lady leaned, half-sitting, on the reception desk behind her.
The girls had come into our office together, seeking contraceptives. "Could we buy some?"
They got more than they bargained for and found it so intriguing that finally the lady had to tell them she had work to do and needed to get back to it.
They still hung around. It amazed me that the more my co-worker talked to them, the more bright and relaxed the expressions on their faces, so different from the serious looks they had worn coming into the office.
When they had first started talking with my co-worker, I had thought her dive into straight talk might push them back out the door. First, she told them our office did not give or sell contraceptives and she would tell them why. I prayed silently while I worked with some filing.
After that, she could hardly get the girls to leave! I didn't want them to leave, either, because they needed help and she was holding their interest with every brief, direct statement she made.
The girls' questions and comments were sharp. The situation at hand was that the three friends had never had sex and one or more of them was thinking seriously about having sex soon...that weekend.
But, they were not entirely sure even if one, much less all, would do that. One felt sure it was likely she would.
They wanted help to make sure that whoever among them had sex would not get pregnant if the next Friday's tentative social plans went forward, if things proceeded as one of them was pretty sure they would for her. She thought it was "about time for sex."
Her guy was all picked out. Not a boyfriend, but someone interested in having sex with her. She knew him from classes and stuff.
"She's their leader," I thought, while my co-worker laid it all out for all three teen girls, one morsel at a time, one brief sentence of pure facts and moral questions, such as "Did you know it's wrong for you to do this now?"
The teen leader challenged her with interest, and a second girl chimed in. It seemed that none of them had heard this kind of straight talk about sex before and just about the time that thought was whirling in my head, one of them said it.
"I never heard this stuff," she said, her tone of voice hinting her doubts about the truth of the lady's words.
"Nobody ever told you this?" my co-worker asked, shuffling the papers in her hands, still leaning against the desk and looking them in the eye.
"No, and why?" the girl continued to probe.
"Your parents surely told you about this."
Silence. Shaking heads. More questions.
The questioners got more information and opinions. I kept praying, thinking: "They are going to bolt right out of here now!" as my co-worker's convictions poured out more directly, like calm, matter-of-fact bullet points.
My co-worker could afford to say everything in bullet points, for it was the truth and needed no elaboration. One of the teens said little the whole time. She seemed to be taking it all in.
What they had never heard before was that real sexual intimacy is meant to be part of an exclusive love and commitment. They had no thought that there was God, and that He had plans for their lives, "for good and not for evil" (see Jeremiah 29:11, below).
The straight-talker held nothing back to tell them this.
They had never thought about what they would do if they got a sexually transmitted disease, which contraception devices or pills could not prevent. They had never thought what they would do if the device or pill failed to work. They didn't want to think that far.
They said they would deal with all of that later, if needed.
"You would? How? Why not think about all of that now?"
What they had never heard before was that sex is not for teen years. It's for a time when serious love happens, when two can make a commitment, a marriage, a life independent of their parents.
No one had talked about these things with them before. Not one of them..
They stayed, listening, questioning, commenting, although the lady had told them that our office neither sold nor gave contraceptives.
They did not want to stop the conversation. They asked more questions and made more arguments. My co-worker gave honest answers back, and the teens saw that their arguments shrivel, unable to carry much weight.
They could not argue effectively because no one had ever given them all the facts. No one had ever given them a moral argument about relationships, sex, fidelity, or timeliness and context.
They had the "science" and the "biology" of sex but they had never had the reason, purpose, or relationship context. They had teaching that looked at them as no more than female bodies, not as young girls not yet at the legal age of majority, not yet ready to live on their own with only their own support. Not yet old enough to vote.
"You need to make other plans for this week-end," my co-worker finally said, when she told them she had to get back to work. "Don't have sex. You are not ready.... Are you going to have children one day? What will you tell them? And you," she continued, looking at the leader, "what about this boy you don't even really know? Do you think he knows you well enough to care about your life?"
Again she started to wind things down. "I've really got to get back to work," she said, and they got up to leave. Yet still, they seemed to be in no hurry.
They had been in our office for almost an hour. A long time for teens to talk to a stranger that would not give them what they came in for, wasn't it?
I will never forget that conversation and those teens. If they have children, they will have a different perspective as well as facts to give them... more than they once had. They have the choice of telling their sons and daughters that it's OK not to follow the crowd. They can tell them what that strange lady told them in straight talk.
Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Wisdom: She is more precious than rubies: and all the things you can desire are not to be compared unto her ( Proverbs 3:15).
Hi Jane, thanks so much for sharing this. How sad that they hadn't even heard this from their parents. Praise God for your coworkers willingness to be truthful about the emotional and moral side of sex. Its what my husband and I stressed as equally as std's. Sex has an emotional consequence and believe it or not. We do become one with everyone we have sex with. So literally someone gets a piece of us. I pray more teens hear this straight talk. God bless you for going against the flow.
Hi, Teresa, Thanks for your comments. My co-worker was an amazing person, and most teens are interested in the truth. God bless you! Respond to this comment
Your co-worker seems like a great person. Teens today are constantly bombarded with the media. If there ever was a time for parents to step up, it's now. I'm only 16 years old, but I made a choice when I was younger to earn about these things. I made a choice to use common sense...and thats what sets me apart from nearly all my classmates. Hah! That's why i'm not always accepted. It's a sad sad world.
Hi, Paris. I am so glad you wrote. I have not checked the site recently, due to being away. Thank you so much for what you shared. I enjoyed your writing and I appreciate your comments about my co-worker, whom I will always admire. I wish you many joys in the good things that interest you now and for your special hopes and plans. God bless you. ~ Jane Respond to this comment
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