I have always considered a conviction to be a firmly held belief. I consider belief to be something one thinks is true in the absence of any corroborating fact. One of my dictionaries defines belief as "full acceptance of a thing as true."
Convictions have seemed to me to be a lot like expectations. If you have a conviction that a certain result will come to pass, then it is very much like an expectation. If it is your firmly held belief that murder and thievery are wrong, then most people would agree that is a good conviction. If you expect to be punished for lying and cheating, then that is a good expectation.
Generally speaking, I find it counterproductive to have too many expectations about the outcomes of things and I try not to hold too firmly to too many convictions, but there are some that are worthy of consideration. For the most part, only time will tell you if you have chosen wisely.
My father had a lot of convictions. Some, I am sure, because he tried to always be a rational man, were based in fact. Some appeared, to me, to not be. However, I just accepted his convictions as "this is the way that it is." I think it is much easier for children to accept what is without qualification. As we get older and develop our definitions of what is good and what is bad, it becomes more difficult.
One of my dad's convictions was that you just did not need a checking account. Checking accounts were for rich people who spent lots of money and didn't want to carry all that cash around with them on a regular basis. We weren't rich and we were very frugal. As a result of this, it led my dad to have to hold another conviction. That being, that all the family's working cash was safe in the freezer section of our refrigerator. How he managed to hold that conviction, in the face of the knowledge that my sister and I knew full well it was kept there, is a mystery to me. Guess he wasn't as rational as he liked to think he was.
There was a large envelop stuffed into the back of the small freezer (our fridge was one of those with only one door; remember I was born in 1952). In it were smaller letter sized envelopes that were labeled things like, GROCERIES, DRUGSTORE, GAS, NATURAL GAS, etc., all neatly printed by my dad. Dad was paid once a month (he worked for the Government) and on pay day, he would cash his check, bring home the small wad (the Government didn't pay all that well at that time) and distribute it, according to his budget, into the various envelopes. Anything that was still in the envelopes from the previous month's budget was removed and put into a savings account at a bank. He did believe in savings accounts. Possibly because he could think of no better place to hide that money.
Until I was almost seventeen years old, he would pay what bills he could at the courtesy desk of our local grocery store. We would stand there with the alcoholic beverages and tobacco that could only be purchased with identification and never, ever just sat on a shelf in the store where anyone could pick them up. This was also where you got the tubes for your television when any of them burned out. You could pay your natural gas, water, telephone, and electricity bills right there. For any others, you needed to buy money orders, which you could also do right there.
Now you might say, "Why, if he had to buy money orders, did he not have a checking account? After all, checking accounts are free." Well, they weren't at that time. You had to pay first for the privilege of having one and then you had to pay a fee for each check written. This was still true when my husband and I were first married. Today, banks use your money. They guarantee that it will be there when you need it; but in the meantime they invest it (make home loans, business loans and the like) and so they make money from your money. That is why they can offer free checking accounts.
Several days after my dad died, I turned seventeen. On that day, Mom went to the local bank and opened a checking account. Apparently, the conviction that we did not need a checking account was not one of her firmly held beliefs. This brings me to another one of my dad's convictions...credit cards. He thought they were just plain stupid. It was his belief that if you couldn't afford to buy it outright, then you couldn't afford it... period. His exception to this rule was buying a house. A car you could still buy outright. You just saved a very long time for it. I can still remember my astonishment when we went to sign the papers to buy the house in Hacienda Heights . I had never seen so much money in one place before in my entire life (I was ten years old). When Dad laid out those ten $100.00 bills on the desk, I couldn't take my eyes off of them.
As an adult, I can see where having a checking account would have been handy and really wouldn't have done any harm and I came to believe that his conviction was not really justified. That is until, because my mother had opened a checking account, they started sending her offers for credit cards.
With my father's death, the mortgage to our house was paid off. We had no bills for his illness because while the government didn't pay very well, it offered awesome health and mortgage insurance (yeah they still did that then; my dad died in 1969). My mom got a job at the bank where she had opened the checking account and between her wage and the social security and veterans benefits checks that Deb and I got (but saw only long enough to endorse), we were not hurting for money. Still, for some reason, the credit cards called to her. She applied for one and so began her love affair with buying beyond her means to afford.
Many years later, she had acquired so much debt, that she and her new husband, Lew, had to sell a house that was completely paid for to get out from under the credit card debt. Then, instead of buying something small, they bought a triple wide mobile home set on land for which they had to pay rent. And they held a mortgage on the mobile home. I was already married to Bernd, but my sister was still living at home. There was no place for her in the mobile home because you had to be 55 or older to live in that park. So she was forced out and into an apartment while she was still going to school and working part time. And she had to take and care for the family dog and cat. I was upset at my mom for a long time for having done that to Deb. Later, they eventually had to sell the mobile home and rent one instead. The lesson really stuck with me.
I still hold to the conviction that if you can't afford it outright (with the exception of a house and a car...times are tougher) then you can't afford it period. For convenience, my husband and I have several credit cards. We pay them all off at the end of every billing period...always have, always will. If something is so much money that we couldn't pay them off, we don't buy it. Time has shown me that this is a good conviction.
Some convictions will serve you well. Others will just get in the way of your enjoyment of life. (I'm not talking about the one that says that murder and thievery is wrong.) Sadly, there are people that have the conviction that if they do not flip the light switch, say, 16 times before leaving the house, that the house will burn down while they are gone. Sometimes, that person, having always done it and it having become a habit, will not be able to remember if they actually remembered to do it. This can make for a great deal of stress. I think that, as humans, we are all a little bit obsessive/compulsive. Thankfully, I have only a little bit of that. I have a tendency to count anything that occurs repetitively. Ask me how many times the telephone just rang or how many times someone honked a horn and I can probably tell you. I do it without even thinking about it. And that is the real problem.
The above is a rather extreme example of a disabling conviction (sooner or later that person might find it impossible to even leave the house), but there are others that are less obvious; believing that you are not deserving of love, for example. Having grown up with a lot of shoulds (modeled by my parents) and a well defined list of what is good and what is bad has made parts of my life quite frustrating, to say the least. Understanding that my convictions are just beliefs that I hold firmly has helped me to release some of my shoulds. I don't have to believe something if it doesn't serve my best interest. Believing, for example, that gravity will always hold me firmly to the earth's surface is a good conviction. It may not be one hundred percent certain (nothing is), but it brings peace to my days. And for me, that is what it is all about.
Convictions are fine as long as you understand what they are and what they mean. If it is something that is mindless, that controls you without you ever giving it any thought, then that is not fine. Use your convictions; don't let them use you.
Dianne Lehmann is a jewelry designer who has been in business since January of 2000. Her interest in designing and manufacturing jewelry goes back beyond that to 1994. It took her many years of trying various creative outlets to finally figure out that making jewelry is where she could really shine. Dianne began with simply stringing beads onto cable and has progressed from there. She is now an accomplished lapidary (cuts and polishes stones) and silversmith. Dianne and her husband, Bernd, live in northern Arizona and both love to hike. Dianne can not help but pick up rocks (they are her first love) and some of these find their way into her jewelry. Dianne makes one-of-a-kind pieces that she hopes give people as much joy to view as she gets from the making of them. If you like, you may view her work at http://www.syzygyjewelry.com
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Hi Dianne, thank you for sharing such a personal story and what I see as a tribute to your father's wisdom. Credit cards suck so many of us in. And you are right in saying convictions are good when we know why we have them. I think it is also wise that we tell others why we have certain convictions. It just might spare some pain down the line. Thanks again.
Hi Teresa. Thanks for taking the time to read my article, as busy as you are right now. I especially think you are right about telling others why we have certain convictions. I wish I'd had that little piece of wisdom a couple of months ago.
Dad was a pretty smart man in a lot of ways; stubborn as h*** in others. But he did teach me a lot of things that I still value today and a bunch of things that I have just chucked in the waste can over the years. That's the way of it, though...we use what works for us.
You're welcome, I love to read your articles because you always keep me guessing. I never know where you are going and each article is so different, I love it.
I always tell my kids "take the bad stuff we offer and make it better and take the good stuff and make it gooder" They just laugh at me, but I know they are taking it to heart. My daughter being 20, I have already seen the fruits of this. She has taken the two extremes that my husband and I has made a perfect balance that works for her. My Son has my husbands work ethics and my laid back attitude. Although he speaks his mind as I do, but yikes!! Something a little maturity will cure :-)
Hi again. Thanks for the compliments! But really, sometimes I think that my articles are all starting to sound the same. I seem to need to put a "moral" to each one of them. Luckily for me (depending on how you look at it), I've lived enough years (almost 56) that I have a lot of examples to draw upon.
I love what you tell your kids. That's so fresh. Mostly as a kid I got the "do as I say, not as I do" lecture. And I really don't think that speaking your mind is ever wrong...just maybe he needs to learn to be more diplomatic about it. I bet your kids are great!
By the way, I absolutely HATE moving. It's the packing and unpacking that really gets to me.
Hi Dianne, sorry it took so long for me to get back to you.
I will have to disagree with you; I don't think your articles all sound the same. Sometimes they have a more serious and warm tone, like this one and sometime they are just plain funny, like your misquito one-which by the way, threw a lot of us for a loop because by the title we thought you were going to eat bbq skeetos for dinner. And you know, I can never get enough moral insight whether it is a silly one or an important life-changing one.
So you just share whatever your great big heart desires and your faithful fans will continue to read them. :-)
I do feel blessed to have my children, though far from perfect, they are pretty good. No serious problems thus far, we bathe them in prayer and hope they listen to a few things we share with them.
I'll send you a personal note soon. Hugs and friendship, Teresa
Hi Teresa. No problem. You're busy. The telling of the mosquito fiasco is one of my personal favorites. I laugh whenever I think about it. I don't know why it took me so long to write about it.
I can never get enough moral insight, or any kind of insight for that matter, and I take it however it comes to me.
Your faith in me is a real treasure. Thanks for the kind comments.
» left by sue from trenton, NJ (128 days 23 hours ago.)
Diane, I agree that you are indeed in a rut and that your articles have the same tone. However, sadly, this will not stop you from recycling it all over again. You are sooooo inside of yourself. Perhaps getting out of your rut (house) and living with people in the here and now may help to open your eyes. Or, just live in your memories. That's ok too!
» left by Linn from Colorado (124 days 19 hours ago.)
Sue from Trenton - It appears you read a whole lot more into Dianne's article than did the rest of us. You seem to have a lot of "insight" into someone you don't even know! Where does it say she's a shut in that's in a rut, and that she's not living in the here and now? I read the article several times and found no "between the lines". Her past is important as it is the seed to all her new learnings as she is exploring the world as it is today. I quite enjoyed the article.
» left by Jean from Houston (123 days 5 hours ago.)
I'm really confused about this comment.... I haven't noticed any "rut" to your articles Dianne. Keep up the good work - I love articles with "morals"! Sounds like some sort of personal sour grapes from Sue in Trenton. Weird
Hi Jean. It is indeed an odd, off-the-wall comment. Which is why I could think of no way to respond to it. I'm glad that you like articles with morals because I have a hard time not including them. I like to share what I have learned and hope that it benefits others.
Hi Sue and thanks for reading. I think that a lot of us have grown up in the "same house." Especially any of us who are old enough to remember the time when your dad went to work every day and your mom only worked in the home. My mom got an "allowance." There was an envelop in the freezer labeled "MISC." My husband's mom got an allowance also. At one time, I thought it was cruel, but clearly, in my mom's case, it was wise. It seems that our mothers were not raised to be wise about money.
Between my husband and me, I take care of our finances. He doesn't have the desire for it and I don't mind. But I do think that it is good if both partners are capable of taking care of money matters.
Dianne, I thought your article was great! Thanks for a good read, I always find your writing enjoyable. You're not in a rut at all, lady. :) I'd have given you 10 out of 5 if I could. All the best!
Hi Kay Elizabeth. Thank you for reading and commenting. And thank you for joining my fan club. Thanks for the encouragement, too.
To try to break out of my apparently imaginary rut, I've written two articles having to do with silversmithing; one about hammers and one about blocks (haven't submitted the one about blocks yet, still proofing it). Those would probably bore you to tears. But it is good to write about something different from time to time.
Hi Dianne. I enjoyed this article and agree with using our convictions instead of them using us. Thinking you're in a rut is just you being hard on yourself. Even if you write the next 10 articles about similiar things, it is by divine intervention. Either you are encouraging yourself, others or both. You have the right and ability to do what you want, so do it! We had our set of challenges when I was growing up but daddy worked and left everything up to mother. Lord, he was one pathetic man when she died. I had to show him how to write a check. Teaching him the filing system she used for IRS etc. was nightmarish but we managed. They are fond memories now.
I have my convictions and idiosyncrasies but do not force them on anyone. And you keep writing whatever you care to write about, Dianne. You've many fans who enjoy you and your writing. Thank you very much! :)
Hi Avis. Thank you for your comments. Over the years, I've learned to just let people be. It's been a hard lesson at times and one that I haven't quite mastered regarding my poor husband. But he takes it in stride. My father was a very opinionated and strict man and I think that I picked up a lot of that from him. Mom had her share of that, too, but was a little easier going.
It's amazing how one crazy comment (sue from trenton NJ) can change my whole perspective, but you and all the others have helped me to restore some of my belief in myself.
Thanks to you and all my other friends and readers,
I always get embarrased making comments to such deep thinking intelligent authors such as yourself and many of the authors here, but I just wanted to say I read everything you write, which you do amazingly well, and you always make me pause and think...which is another sign of how well you write and your amazing ability to clearly convey your story. Great job on this article and I can almost see your dad sitting there seperating his money into those envelopes and sticking them in the freezer, he-he...so cute. Take care, I'll be reading. lol
Hi Myla. I am astounded and flattered that such a good writer as yourself would say what you have said. Thank you so much.
I can still see him sitting at the kitchen table and portioning out the money. He would lick his thumb occasionally as he was working. We wouldn't think of doing that these days!
I love your writing, too, and your sense of humor. Even "city girls" eventually get used to the country. Remember "Green Acres?" Or are you too young for that?
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