Fourteen long years have been passed away since her death, but I feel a shiver in my spine till now when I recall her face. Her smiling face keeps flashing in front of my eyes. When I saw her for the last time her face was looking very sad and pale as if she was much burdened and wanted to tell me so many things. But she could not do that. It was only me who could not give her enough space to make her comfortable to share her heartache with me.
I remember when I went in my vacation. I was busy with my friends playing cricket, cards, roaming around and celebrating with them. I could not imagine how quickly those 10/12 days passed away. She was a neighbour and was part of our group. Her family and my family were in good terms. We all friends were together almost whole of the day except night time. She was with us always too. But when we were alone she would remain silent all of a sudden in the middle of our talks. But I was naive to be aware of her pain that she was going through. I was busy in making fun. She even showed me letter; a guy had given her. She read few lines for me also. She was talking about that guy. I do not even remember what she was talking about. What was her problem? I was so inattentive that time.
My vacation time came to an end. I was ready to come back to my place of study. I said good bye to her. She was looking terrible. She held my hands and said so youre going. Her voice was feeble. I thought may be this is just an emotional expression caused by my departure. But I never thought it would be an everlasting departure.
I came back to my place. Actually I was staying with my maternal grand parents for my studies. My parents were staying in the northern part of Orissa for my dads job where her family was living too. It was March 1994, and I was preparing for my 12th board exams. That time I received a letter from my mom where she had written that an accident that she witnessed had traumatized her. I thought my mom is scared of something as she does always.
My exam finished. Summer vacation started. My parents also came to spend few days with us that time. That day after the breakfast my mom started crying and told me about the accident she wrote in the letter. She said Anu is no more, she committed suicide, and nobody knows why she did that. I was stunned for few minutes. I could not accept what I heard. Her face started dancing in front of me. I stood there for sometime looking at my mom sobbing and telling me about her. Then I went to the bathroom and started weeping silently. All the memories of my last visit flashed before me. The only thought that was torturing me was I could not help her; I could not save her life. She was opening up before me, but I could not understand her heartache. I literally started blaming myself for her life. Even today I have that guilt feeling in some corner of my heart.
That night I prayed to God and asked forgiveness for not availing the opportunity given to me. I asked Him the strength and the power to observe people closely, to be a good listener, to be attentive to peoples needs and to understand their heartache. This memory made me sensitive to the slightest of pain of any person I interact with. It alerts me every time I talk to a young boy or girl about their problems. Despite of the guilt and pain, I am really grateful to my God for teaching me such a wonderful lesson, which is so much necessary for all of us today.
(This is a true story that I have experienced in my life 14 years back in April 1994)
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Wow! Thank you for sharing such a personal story. It teaches all of us to slow down, not be so self-centered and extend true friendship to others. God has used this lesson, not only for you, but ne as well.
this was a well written, interesting, and sad story. however, thee is nothing that you could have done. i have been in your position before, and it's impossible to talk someone out of doing such a thing if they really want to. they could tell you they won't, and do it when you're not around. do NOT blame yourself, some people are more frail than others and cannot literally cope with this world and all of it's problems, but you can't make them yours. thanks for sharing, and i hope you continue to write,
Candles, it's really such a heart-touching story...and that your feelings about this are genuine is clear from this beautiful article.
But as for the tragic incident, I too go with Sue-from what you've said, you really aren't responsible for what happened. So don't blame yourself.
But the life lesson that you've taken from this incident is, as Theresa has rightly said, a lesson for all of us, especially is today's self-obsessed world.
Mygoodness! Though I am a non-bengali, but still we live in the same city but meeting on 'searchwarp'. That's interesting.
But Thanks for the messege. I am encouraged to know that its a lesson for all of us. My purpose to publish this story is achieved. Because we live in such a self-centred world that we really do not care and understand other's problems. This incident had inspired me to be an counselor and I am grateful to God.
Dearest Candle. You have written a beautiful and touching article. It is so well-written and straight from the heart. It couldn't have been any better written or more beautiful. Thanks for sharing.
Candles, a loss like that stays with you for a very long time and change you for the good if allowed. I am sorry for your loss, but am touched that you have determined to be there for others.
Thank you for sharing your story! It is an excellent example for us not to only think of ourselves. It is a gift from God that you have been given. I am glad that you are using it. Keep up the wonderful work. God bless you always.
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