I had often wondered why "they" labeled the most tumultuous and emotionally difficult time period (no pun intended) in a maturing woman's life as Menopause. Then one day it came to me like a bolt of lightning. I believe it was about the time my wife had hurled the meat cleaver at me...
Now, you might remember Michael J. Fox's line in
Back To The Future... "
Nobody calls a McFly a chicken!!!" Well, it was one of those kinds of moments. I mean, really men, how many of you are ready to kindly stand there with your hands in your pockets while a meat cleaver is spinning on a trajectory that would bring impact somewhere between your eyes?
Honestly, my wife never threw or even seriously threatened to throw the meat cleaver at me. It really wouldn't have mattered if she had, because I lost the meat cleaver a long time ago (Take a clue guys). But, there had been times when my wife was going through one of those "moments" where I thought...
If words could kill, I would have been chopped up like minced meat.
There is absolutely no doubt that women have the ability to out-converse men. Estimates are that they have a vocabulary that is somewhere between 30 and 40% larger than a man's. Face it guys, they can out-talk us every time. This should be obvious to any man who has ever seen an assembly of three or more women catching up on the latest gossip. And nowhere does their verbal proficiency become more evident than when a woman is in a full flung menopausal rage. They can run verbal circles around us men so fast that it can leave us feeling like we had been thrown into the spin cycle of a washing machine... with knives.
The most difficult part is, of course, as compassionate, loving and considerate husbands, we make the mistake of trying to make sense of what it is our beautiful wives are saying and feeling. We begin to take them seriously, as if the words... "Just wait until you fall asleep" and "Where is the gas can?" have anything to do with one another.
Perhaps the most common mistake men make when their wives are menopausal is the misguided and totally ridiculous idea that they may somehow pacify their menopausal wives by bringing them to a fine restaurant for a steak and lobster dinner... in public. If there is anything that is worse than receiving a full scale tongue lashing from your wife in the privacy of your own home it is the unbelievable things she is capable of uttering in the presence of the community's most dignified and influential personalities. The words "character assassination" come to mind, but they fall far short of the reality. Somehow, images from the 1999 movie
The Mummy seem more appropriate... when the mummy opens its mouth and a swarming cloud of flies spews forth to obliterate any living thing in their path.
Yes, men, I can identify with the hardships endured by us stalwart soldiers of marital bliss. How we have suffered the blows of slings and arrows from the one woman in the world that we have loyally pledged ourselves to... til death do we part. And I understand that sometimes even death does not seem to come soon enough. But, alas, there is hope. Yes, there is no need to reciprocate the injuries and insults that have been done to us. There is no need to lose our temper, or seek retaliation, or subdue our would be opponent. No, there is a better way...
First of all, we should be aware that one of the wisest men in history addressed the very dilemma that we find ourselves in with menopausal wives. Of this condition Solomon had the following to say:
The Condition A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain (Proverbs 9:13 CEV ).
It's easier to catch the wind or hold olive oil in your hand than to stop a nagging wife (Proverbs 27:16 CEV ).
The Solution It's better to stay outside on the roof of your house than to live inside with a nagging wife (Proverbs 21:9 CEV ).
It's better to stay outside on the roof of your house than to live inside with a nagging wife (Proverbs 25:24 CEV ).
You see, even King Solomon, the wisest man of all time understood the situation that husbands must endure with menopausal wives. But, it had to have been a thousand times worse for Solomon than it is for us today. Why? Because Solomon had 1,000 wives and concubines to boot! Poor guy.
In any event, did you see the solution that Solomon offered? He mentioned it twice. He said, "...it is better to stay outside on the roof of your house." Now, I'm not suggesting that you men with menopausal wives start collecting your camping gear and head north. For there is a more subtle suggestion here...
As men with menopausal wives
we must rise above the occasion. We don't leave home and we don't get revenge. We stay home, but we give our wives room. We need to keep in mind that "this too shall pass." Our wife's condition will not last forever. And believe me, if you think it drives us crazy I have known scores of women who despise themselves for their outbursts and uncontrollable behavior. So, try to be patient and understanding.
Which brings me to that lightning bolt realization I mentioned earlier. When it comes to the irrational and unpredictable behavior your wife might display during menopause... Why do you think they call it... MEN, OH PAUSE? So, pause, take a deep breath and remember nothing lasts forever.
