In the years that I have been working with people to help them overcome the problems in their lives, I have noticed a common denominator that seems to be shared by those whom do not seem to be able to get ahead in life. It is the difference between success and failure, winners and losers, the haves and the have nots. Call them what you will, but many of those on the bottom; the unemployed, underemployed and underachievers; the liars, cheaters and thieves; the addicts, alcoholics and homeless; many of these (but not all) have a tendency to complain. And God knows that I've been there myself.
Now it shouldn't come as a surprise that the "down and outs" complain, because everybody complains at some time. Right? Sure, but it is the focus and quantity of the complaints of these underdogs that is significant and which, to a great degree, contributes to keeping them down.
To help convey this idea, I would like to refer to a conversation that I have had many times, with many individuals, in many different places. The specific details of these conversations vary only slightly in detail, but almost always relate the same problems with the same solution.
The complainer says…
People are dishonest.
People are selfish.
People don't care about other people.
People aren't thoughtful about other's needs.
People aren't generous.
People aren't kind.
People don't love.
People don't talk to me.
People will not give me a chance.
Now, whenever somebody starts down one of these paths I generally respond to them in the same way by saying, "You're absolutely right! People are messed up, aren't they? Well, you know, I searched most of my life looking for people that were honest, unselfish, caring, thoughtful, generous, kind and loving. And they sure are hard to find. They're just not out there, are they?"
"Nope."
"So, do you know what you do?"
"What?"
"You become that person! You need to be the person that you've been looking for. You need to be honest, and unselfish, and caring, and thoughtful, and generous, and kind, and loving. You be the one to talk to them when no one else will. You be the one to give them a chance. Because you know how much people need those things."
Now, almost every time I share that bit of information with one of these people they seem to have one of those lightning bolt experiences of immediate illumination. The light has been turned on in the darkness of their mind and they see the truth. They begin to understand that they not only need to be a part of the solution instead of a part of the problem, but they WANT to be that person.
But, this approach to life is nothing new. This is what Jesus meant when he said, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." If you want people to be kind to you, then be kind to them. If you want people to give you a chance, then give people a chance. If you want people to love you, then love them. Love people. Don't expect to find in them the thing that you have been searching for. Be that thing for others.
Which reminds me of another conversation I had one day with an individual that told me he didn't go to church because churches were filled with hypocrites.
"I know exactly what you mean" I said. "I didn't go to church for most of my life because I felt the same way. So, do you know what I did?"
"What?" he asked.
"I went to church one day just to see the hypocrites… And, there I was! I was the hypocrite. I was no better than they were. At least they were trying to do something about it. They were trying to change their lives."
Yes, my friends, if we are not a part of the solution then we are part of the problem. If you want to change the world for the better, become that thing that you've been looking to find in others.
