So, the honeymoon is over and you are getting all settled into your new way of life. You're sharing space that was once your own. Rearranging furniture, personal belongings, and even your time is only the beginning.
From here on everything is going to be great… right?
I hate to break it to you but, welcome to reality! Life isn't always a box of chocolates. Learning how to give suddenly becomes a way of life and not just a thing you do on occasion. That is only if you want to build your marriage and enjoy the endless honeymoon.
"Do you still love me? You don't act like you used to before we were married." I have heard people make these statements many times. I chuckle to myself while relating back to when I first got married. I must have put my husband through hell!
I showed my husband how narcissistic and self-centered I could be one month into our marriage.
I must have thought that once I married, my prince charming would always cater to me. It was all about me! I had much to wake up to. Our first huge argument was over the silliest thing. It was my husband's mom's birthday, and we bought her a little gift and card. When the time came to give it to her, my husband signed the card, put it in the envelope and sealed it. This is what you would normally do, isn't it?
When I realized that he did not sign the card for both of us or give me an opportunity to sign it myself, I was irate. I sputtered mean things and even let him know how he didn't love me and I was just a convenience for him. I was going to show him how powerful I was! I even went as far as taking off my wedding ring, slamming it down on the kitchen counter while yelling, "I want an annulment!"
To which he responded, "I am sorry. I signed the card that way out of habit."
I hurt him with my words and actions. Once I realized how selfish I had been and how hurt he was, I regretted not thinking about anyone except myself. Oh, how I wished I could hit the rewind button and take back my words and actions. I flew off the deep end over something silly. Fortunately for me, he was forgiving. He really loved me and I learned a lesson about communicating.
Here are a couple of suggestions that have worked in my marriage and kept the honeymoon going:
Listen to your spouse. You are no longer on a one way street. Listen so you can understand what he or she is feeling and thinking.
Talk with your spouse not at him or her. Talking at someone has a tendency to shut the other person down. It doesn't help build a relationship and it could very well destroy one.
Spend quality time with your spouse on a regular basis. If your schedule seems full and overwhelming, pencil in a weekly date night on your calendar. You will experience more intimacy and you will see your marriage flourish. With a weekly date night you will still feel as though you were courting just like before you married.
There are myriad tools that can be used in a marriage. Explore your options, pick some that will work for you and put them to work. If you want the honeymoon to last don't just think about yourself. Remember your spouse and make it a priority to share your life with him or her and watch out for those one way streets.
