Our present obsession with "holy" bonking (ooops... sorry, Sacred Sex) has become yet another obsession that borders the absurd.
In our frantic effort to justify why we should have more sex (with some emotion) in our lives we've managed yet again to climb to another level of hypocrisy.
As if it is not enough that many people secretly enjoy the sexual urges within themselves, try kinky stuff, use porn to get off, drink aphrodisiacs and have a little some-some hidden away in a drawer somewhere but will not openly admit that they enjoy sex, now here comes "holy" erotics...
With the new wave of consciousness and spiritual enlightenment came the "evil" twin. Many of us are having a lot of trouble telling one from the other.
I especially want to caution my fellow women to be very weary of the SOBs disguised as Sacred Sex Instructors or Sexual Healers. I am not saying all of the instructors and healers out there are fakes, but check the person out thoroughly before you ever think of allowing anyone to take advantage of your vulnerability.
I've worked with women who've been enticed into all sorts of sexual exploits in the name of sexual healing, sacred sex or spiritual elevation only to end up with sexually transmitted diseases and broken hearts. This is no joke.
One of my clients told me about a holistic healer and sacred sex instructor who says he has the "gift" of helping women with infertility, sexual problems and childhood sexual abuse issues etc. I trained in trauma counselling specializing in childhood sexual abuse and related adult issues, I had to see this holistic healer for myself, may be learn a few things from him.
I found the place to be a small downtown hideout with two rooms. In one, the brother sees clients and from the consultation room you can see through the open door into the other room which basically has a tiny bed all decked out in very expensive "African" themed decor; leopard, zebra, giraffe etc - stunning!.
The "sexual healer" himself is damn good looking; a dark, tall, lean angular figure, gorgeous dreadlocks, alert piercing mystical eyes and set of perfect milk-white teeth against a coal black gum which makes his smile so mesmerizing. No wonder he has a stream of female clients - all races.
As soon as I settled down on the mat in front of him, the brother started telling me all about my "sexual difficulties". Now that is a real joke, because anyone who knows me also knows that with me, sex and difficult - they can't belong in the same sentence. I told the brother, "no problem there".
So he started something about my childhood sexual abuse and stuff. I told him I had never been abused as a child but he insisted I just don't remember it and that it was hidden somewhere in my brain. I told him where I was raised, child sexual abuse is a curse, a taboo punishable by death of the person, his family and whole clan. I would have heard about it if something like that had happened on my account. He told me it was in my past life - another place and time - and that this was my fifth life on earth.
Now, I do not dispute this past lives theory, at least I am honest enough to say I don't know anything about it but I do not necessarily care for it either. There is just too much good stuff going on in this PRESENT life that I have no need or desire to dig up buried bones -- if there are any.
I think the real reason I was willing to listen to the brother for over 15 minutes was because of what he was doing to me in the NOW -- in this lifetime.
See, the "diagnosis process" involves gently touching places that can get a woman's heart pumping chaotically - at least a red blooded woman. After about 15 minutes of his magic touch, and may be because I had closed my eyes and started dreaming about my guy, he thought he had me because he invited me to the little bed to get my "treatment".
Boy-O-Boy! You could have heard a pin drop in the brief seconds before I went "native", "rural" or "emotional" whatever you want to call it. All the so called "civilized" came off like a cheap polyester coat. I let the brother have it the way we do it in the village, except of course lifting my dress up and cursing him with my nakedness.
I called him any name I could think of and repeatedly told the brother to go to "hell" which is where he belongs! I am sure that brother had never seen anything like that before because he was cowering in the corner when I left. I was still cursing when I got onto the street car. Sss-sexual healing my hide!
And there are some others who are running huge sex-trade operations in the name of holistic centers. Some of these are run by men in tight skin tight biker shorts pretending to be "gay" only to end up feeling you up with their sleazy moist hands, their frontal limp socks giving them away. The lows to which some people can stoop for free sex!
What is so sad is that we are desecrating the very sacred traditions we claim are the solution to our passionless and unfulfilling sexual experiences. Instead of teaching the form of consciousness that can strike the "the inner mystic chord" of our sexuality, our western mind is stuck on the same old way of thinking only this time using "New Age", metaphysical terminology. Very few people who teach about the sacredness of sex have a deeper understanding of what they are talking about.
The "New Age" lie is to say these are ancient or native traditions and no one questions them because most people have not had any contact with these "native" traditions. I have -- born and raised.
In the "native" worldview sex resonates with the very foundational energies of the universe where the spiritual and the physical are all part of a whole, and all of creation is inherently sacred because it is part of the interconnected web of the WHOLE that sustains life. NOBODY and NOTHING has to be proven worthy to be considered sacred because nature and all things natural are already sacred.
And just because we abuse, misuse and disuse sex doesn't make it any less sacred - SEX IS ALREADY SACRED - IT JUST IS. By it's very nature, sexual intercourse releases tremendous energy (positive or negative) inside the human soul - and alters the human soul for a lifetime. That's why rape and sexual child abuse alters the victims' consciousness -- for a lifetime. It's not just the body and mind that has been violated -- the soul is violated too.
But of course those of us stuck in our "scientific" empirical thinking way of complicating and dividing things up into meaningless little pieces will have a hard time grasping the simplicity of life's mysteries. We're so impressed with our human minds that we are missing the point!!
I even heard Dr. Phil say, "it's all in the mind" when talking about getting a woman to want to have sex and I wondered what kind of sex he was is talking about. Isn't there supposed to be a difference between actually having sex and having a fantasy about sex? And what is the spirit doing when you are having sex in your mind moreover using the body? Probably perched somewhere above on the ceiling, cheering or perhaps judging, condemning or shaming. And immediately after intercourse the spirit jumps right back into the body, mind or wherever it usually resides.
If you've had sex - I mean with the kind of surrender you feel in every fiber of your being - you know too well it's a lot more than a mind or body thing. Sex is an experience of the soul. And there are times when the spirit takes over, and you know - that you know - something truly divine is upon the two of you.
What I am saying is that, even if well intentioned, our latest obsession with the "sacredness" of sex does not easily heal the split of mind and body nor does it make sex more spiritual (or sacred). SEX IS ALREADY SACRED - IT JUST IS.
Over "spiritualizing" sex at a logical and intellectual level can anaesthetize the sexual experience by obstructing the natural inner flow which knows the best way intuitively. For crying aloud's sake, one does not have to be in an expanded stated of mind to passionately kiss one's wife or husband or massage a lover's feet. Of course if you are in that state that would be absolutely wonderful.
It will take a level of awareness that many generations haven't had, en masse, for us to make peace with sex and our sexual nature. If we gave sex its rightful place in all aspects of our daily lives, we might make our society more vibrant and nurturing instead of being a fertile ground for profound inhibitions and all sorts of collective obsessions.
Only and only when we are honest with ourselves and with others about our sexual nature and sexual desires can we ignite that sexual fire that burns deep within us and flows through every level of our human life.
Making peace with our sexed being and sexual desires is not the same as doing whatever we feel like. We do need to form consensual agreements, respectful communication and honor rituals that channel sexuality into positive forms if we are to start healing our unhealthy sexuality.
In making peace with our sexuality, we must also allow ourselves to dream, to fantasize, to experiment, to create our own sexual animal. For many of us it means breaking free from our neurotic fear of the erotic and transcending beyond the deeply embedded negative beliefs and counterproductive attitudes. It even means re-examining some of the teachings about so -called "sacred sexuality" whether it comes in the form of New Age, Christianity, Islam, Buddhism or any other kind of spiritual doctrine.
So back to you - what sensations drift into your consciousness as you read this? What vague feelings of dissatisfaction, disillusionment, self-consciousness or even shame about your sexual nature and sexual desires make you cringe? Is there a revelation here for you? May be it is time to define clearly what your soul wants to express. Time to bring into being what really defines you as sexual being.
Time to stop the hypocrisy and get real.
About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Dating Confidence/Relationships Coach who has devoted her life to the blending of indispensable age-old wisdom with modern realities into a prescription for passion, vitality, balance and effortlessness. Her thought-provoking message of conscious intentionality offers singles new, realistic and stimulating insights to rediscovering the mysteries and eternal beauty of men - women sexual relationships.
Christine's main website: http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com
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