Over the past 15 months, my body has gone through some pretty major changes. When this whole journey began, I was diagnosed with everything from Candida to Fibromyalgia...and then Rheumatoid Arthritis. I told the first doctor he was nuts. The next one said to see a physical therapist. And the next told me to stop eating basically everything I've eaten my whole life. Dairy (what???!!!), meat, melon, citrus fruits, coffee, wine....and on and on. I decided at that point to give it a go. After all, even though everything in my Being was telling me he was wrong, I thought I might try changing my body's chemistry, just for the fun of it. That, needless to say, was a complete disaster. I am a small woman, naturally muscular and have always been in great shape. I've played sports my whole life, even danced professionally for a time. I have always eaten well, watched my fat intake and exercised religiously. How, then, could I not have known that there was something weird going on in my joints?
When I first began this new diet regimen, I lost 12 pounds. Now, for a woman who weighs in at about 125 (normal, healthy weight) this was a huge decrease in body mass. I didn't have much body fat to begin with, so the majority of this weight loss was muscle mass. Next time I went to see a doctor he was horrified at my weight and even angry that I'd gone on such a diet. He adamantly suggested I go to the nearest restaurant and buy myself a bacon cheese burger. I did just what he said. Sadly, my body was unable to take in much of it, so I took the other half home and ate it 3 hours later. Over the next 3 motnhs I was in such great pain that all I could do was lie in a ball on my bed and cry. It was the most horrific time of my life.
Then, on one such day, while I was lying there considering what I might do to just end it all, I had this epiphany. I realized that while I was lying there, considering suicide (which, by the way, goes against everything I believe!), I heard this little voice whispering in my ear. "Call your sister. Call your sister. CALL YOUR SISTER." Being one to pay very close attention to such whisperings, I reached painfully over to the phone and dialed my sister's number.
By the time she answered I was sobbing so hard I could barely breath. She knew it was me (thank God for Caller ID!) and immediately began speaking to me in her soothing soft tone. She kept saying, "just breath, Sorella (that's Italian for 'sister'). Just BREATH. Take deep breaths. I'm right here. Breath, honey. Please breath."
I shall never, ever forget that phone call. Within minutes, I had stopped sobbing and could actually feel my body begin to relax. As soon as I was able to speak, she asked me what was going on. I told her how my body was screaming and that I just couldn't bear the pain any more. I told her that I loved her and I wanted her to know that I would never, ever consider what I was considering if I wasn't in such pain. And then I told her how utterly grateful I was for having her as my sorella.
Bless her heart, even though she's 3000 miles away, she never once panicked. She just kept talking to me, telling me that it was going to be okay, and urging me to keep breathing. Then, she did something that, to this day, I will never be able to explain quite well enough (but I'll try!) that changed everything in an instant. She asked me to try to stretch out on my bed, flat on my back and with my palms up. She began to breathe deep breaths and asked me to breath with her. then she told me that she was going to give my feet a massage....OVER THE PHONE!
Well, I'm not going to ask you to believe any of this, as I know how crazy it may sound. But, I can tell you this ~~~ it worked. I could feel her hands on my feet, rubbing the fpots that connected to the rest of my body that was in so much pain. I could feel the heat from her hands as if she were sitting on the edge of my bed. I could feel my body relax and the pain begin to diminish. I'm telling you, it was a miracle! By the time she was done massaging my feet, I could feel the oxygen flow more freely through my body. I could feel tingling from my toes to my scalp. And, for the first time in months, I was PAIN FREE!
She called me every day for the next week and administered her massages via telephone. And each time we were done, she'd ask me to please, please, please put off any notion of leaving this planet. She assured me that 'this, too, shall pass' and that it was just a part of my journey. and, each time, right before we hung up the phone, she made me promise to live through one more day. She used every tool in her box to help me through the most excruciating days of my life.
To this day, even though I still have moments when my body is screaming in pain, all I need do is lie still and listen for her voice. I calm myself by breathing those deep breaths, and wait until I can hear her voice and feel her hands on my feet. I TRUST implicitely that she will be here, just as she promised, and help me through this part of my journey. And, if I allow myself to relax for even just half an hour, my whole body responds beautifully. I can feel the pain slip away, out of my toes and down the stairs and onto the driveway and down the road into the creek that runs just half a mile away. (a terrific visual she shared with me!). And then, before I know it, I'm feeling better again. I'm feeling like I can survive all this and live to see a day when it will all be a memory.
there is lots of information out there about RA and how it cannot be cured, how there is no known cause or even how we must 'learn to live with it'. but here's what I think: I think that ALL dis-ease is just that; it is our WHOLE Being's way of telling us that there is something that is not at ease. Our job is to relax, breath, and identify what parts need tending. Our job is to trust that we CAN AND WILL return to wellness. It is our natural state and our bodies know exactly how to return us to that state of wellness. So, regardless of what malady has you suffering, remember that it is entirely up to you to relax, allow and receive the healing that comes as easily as the sun rises and the sets each day. TRUST THIS. It's absolutely real.
i totally relate to this well written, interesting story. i have crohn's, and if i don't keep it under control with my mind, it's not good, let's say. i just wrote a story about how you can will good thoughts to put you in a mood of safety and security. the mind is a powerful piece of equipment. i'm glad we're both smart, or desperate! enough to go to such measures. i enjoyed your article.
Sue~ You are one of my most cherished inspirations. I knew you had something going on, but wasn't sure what. Now that you've shared, I would like to tell you that I will keep you in my prayers. You have so much to offer the world and for every piece you write, you do just that. Hang in there, lady! This, too, shall pass! Blessings and Hugs~ Camille
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