I had a lot of fun on my sixtieth birthday. I was busy running around town and many folks already knew I was reaching what I guess is a benchmark date in one's life. I had the radio show that morning where we made fun of my being so old. The publisher also snuck in a "Fak's turned 60 today" into our community page so the fact wasn't what one would call a secret.
Now I know some people get depressed at such markers of longevity but as I always say, "You can't do anything about it, so deal with it."
One thing that saved me any possible depression or angst as I received multiple well-wishes was that I always use the accounting method of rounding up when discussing age. For several years now I have told people I was almost 60 so when the reality arrived it wasn't a very big deal.
I believe the benchmark deserves a few more Fakian axioms about aging so here are my thoughts.
I am finding the fun in being complimentary to all those pretty younger women. They take my compliments graciously knowing I am a harmless old man who if they needed to run away couldn't possibly catch them.
I no longer waste time telling the librarian the over-sized print books are for an invalid relative.
I can wear white socks all the time, even with a dark suit, and I don't really care what people think.
I can walk around all day with my barn door open and no one will ever notice
I can get lost driving to a place I have been to previously a hundred times. When I finally get there, I don't recall why I went there in the first place.
I can rent a movie at the video store that I rented just two weeks ago. It doesn't matter because I don't remember any of it anyway.
I can get exhausted assembling that new exercise machine I bought.
I have begun to forget what days important events fall on. Like birthdays, anniversaries, and the Fourth of July.
I firmly believe bad eyesight is a gift God gives to us. With the poorer vision I can't see all the lines on my face when I look in the mirror. The rest of you will just have to get used to looking at them since I don't have to.
I find my brain has reached capacity. For every childhood memory that reappears, something else, such as what I was just doing, falls out the other side.
When my son tells me I am as old as the mountains, I retort back, "Only half of them".
Instead of the doctor telling me that I am in good shape for someone my age, he now tells me he has no idea why I am still alive. I answer by asking if he is sure I am since I have forgotten.
A telephone book with the new 6 font print size is worthless even with my glasses on and using a magnifying glass.
I can't remember phone numbers anymore. I even included 911 in my cell phone address book.
Lastly, I recommend all of us old-timers live by the code that you aren't as young as you feel. You are as old as you actually are. That way you won't find yourself doing stupid younger stuff that will make you look silly or get you hurt. Unless of course it might be fun, and then you should just do it and say the hell with your age.
Freelance writer, columnist, author and writing coach, ex-Chicagoan Mike Fak presently resides in Central Illinois. More information about Mike's services are available at his home website www.mikefak.com
Mike currently writes primarily humor columns for searchwarp bi-weekly and is the managing editor of www.lincolndailynews.com
Ok MIke some other tips, don't move to Florida to retire, in my opinion this is not a state for the elderly. Certainly do not move to Oregon. Be prepared to have no consumer protection although widely touted as a state that has it all. Oh and by the way, forget about it, isn't that just about everywhere in America these days?
Just wait til you turn 62---it gets worse instead of better; and even in two short years there are some major changes. But, its sounds like those two years could be extreme for you!--ha. just kiddin'. Great article, and being 62, I know exactly what you're saying--I'm living it. I think you need to post a new picture, though---you certainly don't look sixty! (or is that a picture of your son).
Fun article. I loved it; but then, I love all your articles. Have a great day.
Hi Sandra. The pic is the old one from my print newspapr days.I was 51 in it and plan to update it with a commissioned painting of me that will no doubt go in the Smithsonian.
Uh, uh, uh. O h++l being 65 I forgot what I was going to compliment you on. By the way, Tim is much better looking than that, are you sure that is not your senoir high school picture?
Hi Mike, another great article, but for goodness sake don't update your picture. Let everybody guess what's real. Look at my photo on my articles. It is about 10 years old and I ain't about to show people how I look now. I had deteriorated enough then at about 68.
I even inserted one of my pictures in an article when I was 22. I should have used it as my regular picture at the beginning.
Don't get discouraged, remember Yogi Berra's "it ain't over til it's over."
Thanks Joel. When I get a chance I will have Jackson the cat sketch my likeness and I will start using that. She is an excellent artist by the ways. Mike
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