Pretty soon it's gonna be National Smile Week, and what better way to get those grins cracking than with some humorous and funny quotes? Get ready for your checks to hurt the whole week through. Here are twenty-five funny quotes to get you started.
1. "If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment." ~ Dave Allen
2. "The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education." ~ Albert Einstein
3. "Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere." ~ Mae West
4. "I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me." ~ Fred Allen
5. "The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl." ~ Dave Barry
6. "A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself." ~ Josh Billings
7. "Things ain't what they used to be and probably never was." ~Will Rogers
8. "Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy." ~ Gary Busey
9. "I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known." ~ Walt Disney
10. "Hippies, hippies... they want to save the world but all they do is smoke pot and play frisbee!" ~ Eric Cartman
11. "If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments." ~ Flip Wilson
12. "If you would like to know the value of money, go and try to borrow some." ~ Benjamin Franklin
13. "I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor." ~ Joan Rivers
14. "A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing." ~ Emo Philips
15. "There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva." ~ Josh Groban
16. "I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack." ~ Demetri Martin
17. "Never give up. And never, under any circumstances, face the facts." ~ Ruth Gordon
18. "It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower or vacuum cleaner." ~ Ben Bergor
19. "Have no fear of perfection--you'll never reach it." ~ Salvador Dali
20. "It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly." ~ Oscar Wilde
21. "You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself." ~ Ethel Barrymore
22. "I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments." ~ Jim Morrison
23. "I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter." ~ Winston Churchill
24. "Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines." ~ Jason Hutchison
25. "Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect." ~ Benny Hill
Are you smiling yet? Great! Now you're ready for National Smile Week. Know someone else who needs to exercise their face muscles before the big week actually hits? Why not take these twenty-five funny quotes and share them?
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For more funny quotes, check out the popular funny quotes section of Famous-Quotes-And-Quotations.com, a website that specializes in 'Top 10' lists of quotations in dozens of categories.
Disclaimer: All information on this site is provided for informational purposes only! By no means is any
information presented herein intended to substitute for the advice provided to you by any health care or other professional
or organization.
