Okay, don't get a grip if you don't want to! You can wait until your life partner leaves you, your career goes down in flames, or your health goes south. But then it might be too late to get a grip; and you might end up going completely bonkers!
Things untoward happen to everyone, eventually. We are not gifted or blessed, or special people; we just think that we are - as we use up our luck. It's a psychological hoax. And when something unexpected happens, we look around in disbelief. Why is it that we are surprised? Are we shocked when we look in the mirror and suddenly notice that we have become old? If we are surprised at that, then we haven't been paying much attention.
Getting a grip is like saving for something. We might pass up that new Corvette in order to put some money away, just in case we need food or medicine more than a depreciating sports car someday when we get old! To get a grip psychologically means we anticipate that things are not going to go swimmingly forever. We actually begin to anticipate our own personal death.
That's getting a grip; a grip that when accomplished insulates us from ever losing our minds or our awareness in a crisis. Because in our anticipation of death, we have experienced losing it all and it wasn't that bad. Actually, it was rather liberating!
It is interesting, here in Western civilization, how we tend to ignore death. We consider it to be some kind of morbid preoccupation. Teenagers screech and scream over rotting bodies walking around in horror flicks, and we dress up and cosmetic-size our dead as if they are only sleeping. Curious isn't it? Could it reflect a deep-seated fear of what will happen to all of us very soon; that we will end?
"Don't think about such things!" "Keep yourself busy and you won't worry!"
Sure, ignore the reality of life, which is death, and be totally unprepared when things happen. Good advice, like ignoring chest pains!
By now, most readers are probably getting a little uncomfortable reading this article.
That's okay; then go read something more uplifting! But keep in mind that if you fear death, you will never really live life. Fear will cause you to die a million deaths, instead of only one.
If you can get a grip on death just one time, guess what. All your problems that you fret about constantly seem somehow smaller. Our opinions become less strident, our positions a little more amenable. We view those who are different from us a little more kindly because the one experience that we will all share, the big one, dwarfs all of our petty differences. These things we begin to see.
But if we believe that we will live forever, then of course we become very attached to our opinions and positions because it's as if they are substantial and eternal, as we believe we are. In actuality, our opinions and positions die with us. They actually die every moment, just as we do, but we don't know that yet.
If and when we did know that; that there is no one standing behind our simple bodies and minds, then the pressure would be off. Then we could truly live life to its fullest. Then we could relax into life, and in that relaxation be able to see the needs of others. We might even be able to relax enough to become courageous and give to others, in whatever capacity we can. Then we could understand, for ourselves, the only happiness that humankind can ever know, which is selfless giving.
And know that nothing truly dies.
E. Raymond Rock of Fort Myers, Florida is cofounder and principal teacher at the Southwest Florida Insight Center, http://www.SouthwestFloridaInsightCenter.com His twenty-nine years of meditation experience has taken him across four continents, including two stopovers in Thailand where he practiced in the remote northeast forests as an ordained Theravada Buddhist monk. His book, A Year to Enlightenment (Career Press/New Page Books) is now available at major bookstores and online retailers. Visit http://www.AYearToEnlightenment.com
anagarika eddie is a meditation teacher at the Dhammabucha Rocksprings Meditation Retreat Sanctuary (www.dhammarocksprings.org), and author of A Year to Enlightenment. His 30 years of meditation experience has taken him across four continents including two stopovers in Thailand where he practiced in the remote northeast forests as an ordained Thervada Buddhist monk.
Hi e. Very well put. I totally agree. Getting past our fear of death is the most important thing that we can do. It's tough, though. You think you've got it then something pops up to demonstrate that you don't.
But I guess that's because we are a work in progress. We are never "finished" until the day we die.
i used to rely on material things a lot more. i had a car, a cell phone, money, and i was still sometimes unhappy.
now, i have no car, no cell phone, no bank accounts, and no money, and i'm missing 2 kids who are on their own. but, i have me, and God, and together, we will communicate. i count on im to provide me what i need, not necessarily what i want.
I found that I am living to live and I am not afraid of death. I also know that I can't take the material things with me and they all pass away. Thanks for a great article. God bless!
Hi Michelle, thanks again for a great comment. "Living to live" could be interpreted as living each moment, which is where truth is. When we live each moment, and not escape into the future or past, then we see life as it truly is. Once we see life as it truly is, we see that life is always conflict. And once we see life as conflict, we no longer wish to be reborn into it and look for a way out of being reborn into material existence. But as long as we escape from being in each moment, where truth is, then we never see the danger of material existence and continue our distress, which is our ignorance of what each moment tells us. This is the basis of Christ's exclamation that if we love this life on earth, we will lose our life eternal.
E, we all die and we all leave it all behind, period, fact. The materialism of this world is the killer of this world, the destroyer. Yes worry about what? Well if you love your family that is the root of worry. If you want to live an honorable life that is the basis for your worry. If you don't give a damn, like many do, well you don't have much worry as you walk through this life. Its the next you most likely have to worry about.
That said Buddha, Jesus and the good of this world understood there is nothing of real value in this world. All a facade. If we walk in the spirit we are not really of this world and therfore at peace. It is what we covet in this world that makes for the negatives. Good job.
Someday when we get old and are sitting in our rocking chairs in the nursing home, ruminating about our great articles, you and I will have to have a good discussion about the deeper, Catholic (Universal) aspects of religion. J
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