Marriages are not easy. I remember before getting married
being told that over and over by the adults in my life. After ten years, I can
honestly say that statement is the truest statement I have ever heard.
I know. I know. Those first couple of years is amazing. Then
life takes over. Kids are born. Work takes priority. Financial issues need
resolved. Both of you communicate like you are from two different worlds.
Arguments start. You both argue differently so nothing seems to change. Then
poof, you find yourself wanting more and wondering how things got so bad.
As someone who has been in this place a million times, here
are a few tips to getting the passion back in your marriage.
Surround Yourself With Nature
There is something about the beauty of God’s world that
makes you realize how small your issues really are in the grand scheme of
things. Go to the beach, hike at the local park or just lay in the grass
looking at the clouds. Let God bring the peace of his world down on the two of
you and for a moment let the issues float away to the clouds. You will be
surprised at how close the two of you become. Think about it-out of all the
billions and billions of people in the world, the two of you were brought together
for a reason. Try to find that reason and begin working things out. If that
doesn’t work, remember the saying, “How about a roll in the hay?" J
That should get your guy motivated.
Spend time away from kids
Kids have the ability to drain a marriage to a pulp. I love
my kids more than anything, but they are able to drain my patience, energy,
will to live, etc. in a matter of a second. I can’t tell you the last
conversation my husband and I had from start to finish without an interruption.
We once went to a counselor and he said that if his wife was talking and one of
the kids interrupted, he would simply explain that it was “mom and me time." He
was great counselor but by the time you are done explaining that for the fifth
time in the same conversation, it kind of loses the effect. Marriages need time
away from kids in order to survive. Talk to each other. Just rest with one
another. Stare at the walls in silence if you need to-just be with one another
alone. You will be surprised at how fast that passion will come back with no
little kid tugging on your attention.
Make the first move
Many times husbands need you to make the first move. If your
husband is always the one who initiates the passion in your marriage, he may be
feeling unloved. You know what it is like to want attention from him. Guess
what, he has those same wants. If you don’t show him that you want him too,
there are plenty of women who will show him. I know it is hard because no one
wants to be rejected. Think of it this way: would you rather be rejected or
have your husband think you don’t love him?
Have a date night
Date nights are essential whether you have kids or not. It
is important in order to keep excitement. They do not have to be extravagant or
well thought out. Just plan a time every month to set aside for passion. Life
gets so busy so don’t overlook this important meeting in your marriage. This
could be something as simple as dinner at home by candlelight. If you need
babysitting and have no family close by, check out the local churches. Most
likely they offer some sort of parents night out program.
These are just a few suggestions to start the passion
flowing again. If problems are persistent, try looking into counseling. There
is no shame in going in as a couple and learning ways to communicate better or
how to make your marriage work. It is better than being apart and having to
deal with even more issues.
