People throw around the words "education," "genius,"
"gifted," as if they are the end-all and the cure-all. But few people know what
it truly takes to become successful in life. And by success I don't necessarily
mean monetarily. Of course, if you love what you are doing, you will do well
and make good money eventually. But success here has a wider definition. Here
it means to obtain a desired outcome. You may desire to do well in your
relationships, to understand democracy to maximize its use, or a dozen other
non-monetary things. But how do you obtain success?
As I mentioned above, it doesn't necessarily have to do with
education, talent, intelligence, for there are many who have had one, two, or
all three of these and failed miserably. A few examples: Ted Kaczynski, the
Unabomber, who graduated from Harvard with a doctorate in math and taught at
the University of
Berkley, Ca. Adolph
Hitler, a highly intelligent, gifted orator who swayed many. But those of high
intelligence and poor moral fiber are not only from the ranks of the
emotionally disturbed. One can regularly hear of politicians, business people,
and others who achieve greatly only to have it all fall apart because of
illegal or immoral behavior. Many who are highly educated, intelligent, and
gifted.
Those I've described above are probably more the exception
than the rule, but it does point to the fact that there is a lot more to
success than what most believe there is.
But look to the talented athlete, actor, musician,
businessman, academic, who lacks self-control and you can see their fleeting
success come tumbling down about their ears.
But why self-control? That which needs to be in place
outside of any innate human gift before success can take place. Well, consider
the following.
If you are to be successful, in most cases, you are or will
become a leader. And if you want to control others, first you must control
yourself. If times get hard or difficult and you are screaming and falling
apart, people will abandon ship faster than you can say O Captain! My Captain!
Like in Whitman's famous poem, the son has lost his father, or the United States
one of its greatest presidents, Abraham Lincoln. And what of the fear and
trepidation in the speaker's voice; he hopes that he is dreaming that he is
mistaken that his captain is not dead. What of the fear and trepidation in
those you lead if you ever come unhinged. (Even fathers, one of the most
important leadership roles, need take heed.)
Here alone is a substantial reason or cause for one to lead: if you are to lead, then you have to overcome many if not all of your character
weaknesses. And if you decide not to lead and to hang onto those weaknesses,
then you will continue to go round and round in circles of frustration from
here to the end of your time.
But where do you start?
Well, you can either listen to yourself and a select group
of others or listen to the white noise out there or what everyone else is
saying.
I once read a book by Isaac Asimov and his wife on
writing, one of some 500 books he had written. That's right. 500 books! If his
writing career spanned 50 years, which is about right, then he wrote 10 books
a year. Now that's focus (Another key to success. But we'll get to that one in
another article). Asimov's advice to
those who wanted to write was to get rid of the distractions. He said that if
it was a nice day outside, close the blinds and get to work.
But overcoming distractions-whether writing or in learning how to overcome
the self to obtain control-is essential. Distractions come in the form of
newspapers, magazines, radio, television, email, friends, family, peers, and
coworkers. First of all, if you're spending an inordinate amount of time with any
of these, you will never become successful. In order to overcome the self, it
takes time, concentration, and self-reflection. Little self-reflection occurs
with a lot of white noise humming in your ears.
One of the things I do is limit my television viewing to
about seven hours a week. Considering that your average American spends three
hours a day in front of the television . . . well, you know why there are so
many lacking the self-control needed to be successful. I also go through my
email in about twenty minutes. I've got it down to a science. Have to. Third, I
spend about four to five hours a week socializing. Not only do I not have the
time, there's a great tendency to get into gossipy or derogatory conversations
if you spend too much time hanging out. Eventually you run out of good things
to say about the Celtics, Red Sox, your boss, and Aunt Martha.
In order to control yourself, you need to control your
thoughts. If you're randomly without purpose just watching television,
listening to radio, reading the newspaper and magazines then you are not
working to control your thoughts. And if you think it's important to keep up
with where the latest fire is, who's killed who, and why liberals are a disease
then you just keep watching television, listening to radio, and reading the
newspapers and magazines while others achieve not only self-control but greater success.
When at home, I'm either working (writing, reading,
researching), helping around the house, helping the kids, or getting ready to head off to
some activity with the family: theme park, museum, zoo, etc.
When I'm in my car I'm listening to CD's on business,
finance, marketing, history, politics, or occasionally music (especially if my
three-year-old is in the car and he wants to listen to his "Baa-Baa." His word
for his "kiddy music.")
When I'm at the gym I'm there for 40-45 minutes; 4-5
exercises; 5 reps each exercise, one minute between each rep; two minutes
between each exercise. A little hello and conversation with my nutritionist (if
it's not the day my wife and I sit with her for an hour) or my trainer friend
or one of the sales people and I'm on my way home.
On the two days I teach at local colleges, I arrive an hour
or two early for some quite time to write. I teach. Briefly talk to my students
after class. Another hour or two of writing without the kids distracting me and
then I head home.
To control yourself, you must learn to control your time,
your life, your environment.
If you're watching all the latest TV shows, listening to a
lot of talk radio (heaven forbid!), reading all the latest (alleged) news magazines / papers, then you are allowing others to
feed your mind with their thoughts, their ideas, their beliefs, their
propaganda.
Find the best books, CD's, DVD's, magazines,
newspapers,
television shows that are in line with your goals, your morals, your
beliefs
and build the life you want through control of that which comes into
your eyes
and ears. Not that you ignore the opposition but if it doesn't serve to
heighten your existence or to further your goal, get rid of it. Leave
more "democratic thinking" for other occasions in your life.
I no longer watch violent movies or movies high in sexual
content. I no longer listen to degrading, derogatory, self-deflating music. I
no longer read the newspaper (after all, there's the Internet, but there's also
no end of useless, sensational "news") because, quite frankly, I don't have the
time.
It's a sad state of affairs that the majority of people listen
to others, that they follow what is popular based on nothing more than mere imitation
without examining or questioning the soundness of that which they replicate.
But
there's more to this wasting of time by merely following the heard.
As you learn to gain self-control and ultimately control of
your life, you will discover that you can't do everything. One of the main
reasons people never get anywhere is because they are distracted by television,
reading junk or junk mail, they're considering another club to join, a conversation to enter, or anything
that is perceived as interesting. And if you find yourself getting too
distracted too often that's a good indicator you are not doing something
you love.
And if you don't love what you do, you will never be
successful.
Why?
Have you ever been in a relationship that you knew was over
and tried to keep it going?
Work is the exact same thing. If you don't love
the work you
do, you will eventually lose focus and control and give up and give
in. The main reason why 70% of college grads end up working in a field
unrelated to their major. They were told or influenced by an outside
source or sources the "correct" major without little thought as to
whether or not it was something they wanted to do. How many college
students have ANY idea or do any research into what the career they are
working towards actually entails day in and day out, month after month,
year after year?
I have a lawyer friend who spent thirteen years obtaining his undergrad, law degree, and passing the bar only to discover that he's doing something he always hated. Having to deal with reams of paperwork.
I have another friend who after four years of study obtained her biology degree, got a job, and three months later quit. Now she owns her own sail making business and is thriving.
And on and on.
But there's more. Much more to this self-control.
If you find that you are indulging in negative behavior,
stop it right now and get control. If your conversations are full of anger, sarcasm,
jealousy, fear, revenge, or any destructive emotion then you are never going
to be successful for a lengthy period of time in any endeavor whatsoever.
Don't
believe me? Look around. Look to those who have lasted, stayed around in
business, entertainment, or even in your personal life. These are good
people or those who live in the positive. If you are greedy, selfish, or need excessive
self-approval you are in dire straights and need to change.
A person who has self-control will not let trends,
or
fashion, or popular, fleeting opinion, or the cynic or pessimist
control her
thoughts or beliefs. A person of proper self-control will not seek
revenge, for (as da Vinci said) his eyes and mind will be looking over
the muck and mire focusing on
the horizon and the stars above.
Those who have self-control will not become easily angered
or angered unnecessarily because you are aware of your limitations, your goals,
knowing that one outburst can, has, and does ruin a lifetime of work. If you are at
peace with yourself, know your desired outcome or goal, love what you do, have
great confidence, direction, and purpose, you will not waste your time or stoop
to the level of your attackers. For your character and actions will move before
you as a wave on the ocean of calm proving to all your valor and worth.
There are definite laws that the successful follow.
The law of self-control is one of them. It is at the foundation of success.
In order to be
successful YOU must choose your thoughts, be responsible for your thoughts,
choose as to whether or not it's good or right to gossip, lie, cheat, steal, degrade,
yell, to become inflamed, inflammation that continues to grow and grow and feed
on itself creating less and less time for opportunity, growth, joy, and
outright, just plain-old happiness and success.
Your choice.
But if you look closely, you'll discover a
uniform choice, for there is little benefit to loss of control.
Chose control
and thrive.
God bless.
