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1. You fall asleep on the couch while watching a movie on the Lifetime channel at 8:00pm
2. You have your Primary Care doctor's number on speed dial
3. You become cognizant of your bowel movements; you know its color and consistency
4. You throw parties to show off your new grill
5. You're asleep, but the nurse starts checking your carotid pulse
6. You hear your favorite song in the elevator
7. You inexplicably gain 10 lbs every year
8. You carry a copy of your list of medications in your purse or wallet
9. You get into heated arguments over pensions and social security benefits
10. You look forward to a dull evening
11. You wear socks with your sandals
12. You shop for clothes that are durable and comfortable rather than "in fashion"
13. You take classes at Home Depot
14. You wake up at 6:00 am, no matter what time you went to sleep
15. You've wondered whatever happened to "full service" at the gas station
16. You obey speed limits without even trying
17. You refer to your diuretic as your "water pill"
18. Single people don't flirt with you anymore
19. You start most of your conversations with the word "Nowadays"
and last, but not least...
20. You have a separate freezer in the basement full of bulk meats you bought at Sam's Club!
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