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One year ago today a masked gunman entered my house through the back door while I was sitting here, working at my computer. I've had many requests for an update on how we've been doing since that day, so I thought today would be a good day for an update.
Let me start with a disclaimer: There is no punch line or great wisdom which will be imparted here. If you somehow manage to stick it out and read all of what I am about to write, you will likely be disappointed at the lack of a point to this story. This is more of a documentary. You have been warned!
I would have never thought that it would be so hard to get over something that occurred so quickly. In the end, all that was taken was $40 cash- we were indeed fortunate. My 7-year-old and 14-year-old sons which were here with me during the robbery have still not lost any sleep over the ordeal. Some people have said that my boys have been able to remain calm because they saw their father remaining calm. I believe that this is the sum total of my heroism, that I remained calm during a crisis. Sometimes I feel tremendous guilt over this.
Somewhere between month 4 and 5 I had the first day which I did not think about the robbery constantly. After month 9 I finally had the first day that I didn't think about the robbery at all. About half of my days are like this now. I had no idea it would take so long to reach these milestones.
I am a committed Christian, and I lead several Bible studies each week, so I have had friends around me constantly.... not to mention all the friends I have on SearchWarp. I can't imagine how someone could go through something like this without good friends. I have certainly learned a little better the value of having good friends.
The irrational fears have for the most part stopped. We now have security cameras around our house and a few guns inside our house, and these things do make a difference. One time when the family went out for dinner we had a waitress who had the same facial features as the gunman, and that freaked me out. I guess I should have asked her if she had a brother. 2 months ago I went to see a movie and one of the characters pulled a gun which closely resembled the model of gun used in the robbery, and that freaked me out too. I nearly crawled under the seat. I suppose this is a lot like post traumatic stress disorder. Or maybe it is post traumatic stress disorder. Either way, I think I'm beyond it now.
The police said that our house was probably picked by the robber because our garage door was left open. Apparently an open garage door with one vehicle there and one vehicle gone means someone is home but not everyone. We still never leave the house without closing the garage door, even if we are just driving around the corner.
I haven't really had my faith shaken by this experience. I am a fallen man and we live in a fallen world. Bad things happen, even to good people. This is not a new concept to me.
I was raised in a religious-pacifist household, believing that it would be better to be shot and killed than to kill someone else. I'm not sure what I believe about this now. In the thousands of times I've replayed in my head the different scenarios of what happened and what could have happened, I can easily imagine myself walking past the gunman, picking up one of my guns, then calmly and deliberately shooting to kill. I've taken the course and received my license to carry a concealed handgun. I think I had a gun in my pocket nearly 24 hours a day for 6 months after I received my concealed handgun license. A gun toting pacifist. No wonder I'm conflicted!
Physically I haven't been taking good care of myself for the last year. I've added a few pounds and I don't get to the gym as often as I used to. My diet has gotten really bad. I expect this trend to reverse in this next year.
I've had some really good conversations with my boys since the robbery. I think most adults like to pretend to their children that bad words don't exist and therefore don't discuss them. Because of the gunman cussing a blue streak in front of us, my 7 year-old and I have had to discuss what these words mean and why they are bad. Those are interesting conversations.
I'm pretty sure that I've learned how to be a better friend because of this experience. I have always believed that Christians are on Earth to care for those around them and this experience has certainly strengthened this belief. It's good to know that people will care for me and my family when we need help.
I read a few weeks ago that sometimes to get past a traumatic experience, we need to try to remember the good and forget the details. From the beginning I've seen good things come about because of this robbery. I'm working hard to remember the good, and forget the details. I probably should post an article about the good that has come about because of the robbery.
So there it is. I'm doing a lot better than I was a year ago. And I still have a way to go before I could say that I'm over the robbery completely. Jean and I really appreciate the support we have received from our friends and neighbors and on that note, I will close.
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(1 year 61 days ago.)