Motionless, while sitting at my computer, tears began to fill my eyes. Mixed sentiments ran rampant through my heart. I'd just suffered a tremendous blow which crushed the very foundation of my soul. As I slowly moved my fingers away from the keyboard in a desperate effort to give up, I heard these words. "my grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness" (2 Cor. 12:9).
If truth be told, the agonizing thump of hurt and revenge rebelled against comfort of His voice. I really didn't want to hear anything about grace being sufficient. Why did He always come to me when it was others who so willfully offended? Hurt weakened my very being as it corrupted the peaceful mind I'd cried out so many times for. It seemed one day life shined upon me greatly, and then suddenly, it disappeared into the night as a thief who enters while you're asleep.
Did God not see hurt attempting to devise spite within my heart? I'd been created with these weakened emotional disabilities. If you cut me, I bled; cried when I hurt, and angered when wronged. How much did He think I could take on my own? During all of this time, a friend said to me, " You can do all things through Christ which strengthens you." Yes, but hurt had molded itself throughout the cavities of my heart, constricting it from feeling any compassion or forgiveness. The war inside invalidated that which He'd spoke making it nonessential to what I felt.
While the hurt continued to grow, it seemed I'd lost God's voice somewhere within the perimeters of sorrow. Then one day while sitting at my desk with my eyes closed in desperation of hearing His voice once again, I leaned back and silently awaited His arrival. Almost instantly as though I'd traveled through a portal of time I began to see a man's right hand holding a leather whip filled with sharp bones, steel, balls of lead. And, in the other were what seemed to be rusty, germ laden spikes (nails). He stood by atop of a hill as though in wait for someone. Around him were mourners of all age, stricken with great grief.
Some stood; while others kneeled all with their eyes filled with tears. As the Roman solider, they too stared in the same direction. I heard myself question, "Who are they waiting for?" Not a moment too soon, up the hill came a man wounded carrying across his shoulder a wooden cross. He'd been beat, flesh ripped apart, and marred more times than I could count. An older woman adorned in black suddenly ran to his feet as though she knew him, but the Roman soldier pushed her away.
Then, miraculously, the vision changed. When I glanced again, there I stood amongst the mourners. Now staring up at the cross, I could see the man's body, limp, lifelike. His arms were outstretched, feet crossed. The rusty spikes impaled deeply into His limbs. While weakened from exhaustion, yet he seemed to be at peace.
Darkness appeared out of nowhere distorting my view. As I fought to see, the shadow of his head lowered and suddenly he cried out, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." It was then the identity of the man became prevalent. I'd seen my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ in His agony petition the Father for forgiveness of those who'd crucified Him.
Shortly after, my eyes reopened. Remorse overflowed throughout my wounds as tears trickled down. Sobbing, I cried out "Lord can you ever forgive me." Just then, a soft breeze glided across my face and then I heard this sweet voice of compassion say "I will never leave you nor forsake you"
There is absolutely nothing we go through in our daily lives that will ever measure to the sufferings Christ endured. Not just for one man, but for us all. It's never been promised we weren't going to undergo indignities of this world. There will always be rejections, despises, sorrows. What He did promise though is that His grace will be sufficient in our weakest hours.
Each day the hearts of mankind is kept through His sustaining power. We receive from Him impulses to do what is right. It's up to us whether we obey. Without a doubt the greatest sign of our new birth is a transformed life ( Romans 12). Paul stated in 2 Corinthians 10:4, "For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds."
Our human measurements will always be faulty. I wanted my hurts to be appeased with some kind of visual revenge. But, revenge does not belong to us; it belongs to the sovereign God alone. The Bible instructs us instead of seeking revenge to "love our enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you... Matthew 5:43-45."
We can't change the order of time over our lives. Even Peter stated " with the Lord one day is as a thousand years" ( 2 Peter 3:8). However, they've all been planned out since time began. In order for us to survive just one of those days we have to face strong possibilities hurt could find us again some where in life. But, if our armor is tightly fit with the Word of God, our faith held fast, we're robed in spiritual victory then evil imaginations will have no works in us.
Hurt is a real entity that drives our human nature to a place of searching for retribution, but King David once said in Psalms 27:10, "If my mother or my father forsakes me, then the Lord will take me up."
Today, there's gladness in my heart. God has enabled me through His grace where I can sincerely now say, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." It wasn't easy, it isn't easy, but definitely a requirement of a transformed mind. Christ gave Himself for us all. The cross was the only way He could assure us a place in heaven. Just as He, in our heart wrenched souls we must still learn to forgive. Forgiveness, if we allow it will escort us to a healthy place where our hearts can be truly mended then we must go and help someone else find forgiveness.
Deborah H. Branch, a native of Philadelphia, PA is a Cutting-Edge writer of Nonfiction, Fiction, and Poetry. Through her sufferings of abuse, she acquired a desire to communicate in general the importance of forgiveness, and allowing God to heal your inner wounds.
She's won first place for the Barnes and Noble Short Story Contest, and by God’s grace, she’s been blessed to have more than several of her inspirational articles published.
With the help of her agent, Deborah’s now currently working on her nonfiction manuscript titled "Through the Eyes of Abuse" for publication.
She loves teaching and helping others to find strength through the word of God. An Elder in the ministry where she attends, Deborah is also mother of two adult daughters, and Mom-Mom to three handsome grandsons.She and her husband reside in Atlanta, Georgia.
Dearest Deborah. Wow! I cried with you as I too have been guilty of not listening to God's voice. I can't add anything to this article as you have done an awesome job. I could feel and see the presence of the Holy Spirit upon you as you wrote. Keep up the awesome stories and spreading His word of truth. I will pray for you and that God continues to nurture your soul.
» left by R1L2H3 from Atlanta, Georgia (84 days 19 hours ago.)
Greetings Deborah, Just the other day I was visited by the same spirit of helplessness, abandonment and despair as you so vividly describe in your recent article. Isn't it amazing how HIS Grace becomes sufficient for our individual needs. I found we sometime have to reach "deep down" inside the truth to make ourselves free. The word of God is a sustainer...wouldn't you agree? Continue to allow the Lord to use you..."for when thou have been strengthened you strengthen your sister." (Smile) RLH/Atl
Thank you for sharing your comment, RLH of Atlanta. And, you can count on it (smile)! You shed a greater light on something I believe most are afraid of facing, and that's the "realities deep within" when it has been designed as a way of becoming free.
» left by Denise Jones from Atlanta, GA (83 days 14 hours ago.)
Beautiful article, Deborah. It is such a blessing the way you share your heart so openly with others. I pray that this article will touch others and help them to see that His grace IS sufficient.
Hi Deborah, this was comforting and convicting and everything in between. Beatifully done--what a way to be personal and Biblical all at the same time! I can't wait to read your book. Keep sharing with us. You are a wonderful tool in the hands of our Mighty God! Love, Teresa
» left by Dorease from Philadelphia (78 days 11 hours ago.)
I thought this was a positive and very descriptive way of placing forgiveness in the hearts of those who find it hard to forgive. This is a message that we need to hear, it is hard when the flesh wants to take over and not let the holy ghost do what it needs to do.
The author was real about how you feel when someone hurts you, you want to get back at them. You feel that since you hurt me you need to feel what it is like. But on the other side of the shore there is God looking at how we will handle ourselves when the hurt comes. Greater is He that is in me that he that is in the world. As the author reminded us Jesus forgave the ones who put Him to death in the midst of two sinners. I give this article 5 stars!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you Dorease in Philadelphia. Forgiveness really is important to our Lord. It can sometimes seem hard to find, but we must always be prepared with it.
I had trouble with this article----I could barely read through my tears. It was so beautifully well-written. I have found myself it just that situation several times recently and have fought so hard not to carry a grudge against the person who has wronged my family so deeply.
Sandra, thank you so much for welcoming me to searchwarp. One of the hardest things we can bear in life is the wounding of our families. In an attempt to guard my family from the cruelties of this world, I placed them in the only protection program I could trust..."under the shadow of the Almighty" (Psalm 91).
Continue to fight. I shall remember you and your family in my prayers.
» left by D.P. from Altanta (73 days 13 hours ago.)
Deborah
Great Article.
I have found myself wanting others to pay for the hurt they have caused me , but knowing that Christ paid it the ultimate price for my life I chose to forgive.
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