I have been Blessed with some wonderful friends and email buddies. They are warm and caring and they pray for me, imagine that. I have family that care about me, and pray for me when I am going through a negative and emotional situation. I believe in prayer, and I picture it as a streak of bright white light rushing from whomever's praying, to the Heavens above, and God's ears. Being all powerful, He decides what the answer will be and has the angels deliver it, in whatever way they have to. How often has someone showed up into our lives, and then vanished? Leaving behind knowledge and peace. It could be a far fetched idea from a dreamer, but it also could be the truth!
I have been discovering, on my own, different ways of feeling and thinking and acting and reacting, for many years now. I've improved my way of being immensely, as well as my reactions to those who are doing the unacceptable. I needed help getting started. A twelve step program dropped in my lap, and kept me busy for a while, and I stopped drinking. I wanted to improve my life, and I needed a partner to help me do that. I was given an angel for a sponsor, but I could only be with her for so many hours. I needed someone who could council me while following me around. Who could be there for every occasion that was going to test my will. I thought of who I could get, and of course, there were no 24 hour a day baby sitters for Sue.
And then, I remembered. God would be my councilor, and if I prayed with humility to Him, He would counsel me. I poured my heart out to Him many times, through many tears, sometimes sobbing so hard I didn't think I could stop. I remembered from the twelve step program to go over my character defects, and the ones I recognized as not beneficial, I worked on and improved. I began using my brain in a different manner, and my councilor knew it. I was learning how to stop myself from being on the defensive, and I started to remember to think before I reacted. This produced good results, and avoided arguments. I liked that. This councilor was good!
I began to think about other people's thinking and feelings, and it no longer mattered if I was wrong or right. I had dealt with the issues of feeling inferior and not as smart, and I liked who I was, I didn't have to stick up for myself anymore, because I knew me, and I didn't have to explain it to anyone else. I knew I was honest, I didn't have to defend my honesty, I knew I was caring, I didn't have to defend my warmth, I love nature, I didn't have to prove my love of life. I could be my own person, and be proud of that. I've raised three children, and I know how much work I put into that. I've taken care of our home for twenty one years, and I know how much work went into that as well.
If I could relax and sit back and listen, I could hear what God wanted of me and for me. To be true to myself would allow me be truthful with others. To be kind to myself would inspire me to be kind to others. With God's guidance, the World wasn't so hard to deal with on a daily basis. Problems and situations that come up no longer baffle me, I am able to figure them out much more easily and fairly. At fifty two, there is no reason why I can't feel excited and happy and hopeful. With God to lean on, and guide me through my life, I can do anything. I am a good mother, a good partner, a good friend, and a good person, and my councilor knows this. I doubted all at times, but life has it's ups and downs, ins and outs, and I carried my weight. Well, some of it, God carried the rest I couldn't handle.
He gave problems back to me when I was strong enough to deal, and He held them for me until I was. The closer I stayed to my councilor and His words, the stronger I became. He knows me better than anyone, He knows what's in my heart, my mind, and my soul. He was with me for twenty two years as I did everything for my kids, and my home, and He knows how much effort I put into our lives. He knows how I suffer with Crohn's. He also knows that I'd rather be out in the world, working, and why I can't. He knows it all. I can count on Him and trust in Him. And I believe He feels the same about me. Since He does know me so well, I know He will protect me and be by my side through my life, helping me as we go along. It is comforting knowing and believing in this heartfelt feeling. So, next time you are looking for a councilor, mentor, best friend, confidante, and protector, call 1-800-HEAVEN, and make an appointment with God yourself. I think you'll be surprised with the results.
