Now that I've got your attention . . .
If you think that's going to happen, forget it. Overcoming
addiction is a lifelong vigil. Vigil being the key word here. You need to put
the armor of a protective spirit about you that takes time, focus,
understanding, courage, outside support, and most of all, work. Work. Work.
Work.
In this day-‘n-age of the quick fix, that's not what people want to hear. But
I'm not here to lead you on. I'm here to give you the truth, the truth that
will bring you to a greater degree of power over your addictive behaviors.
Nothing else. But even if you're not an alcoholic or drug dependent, are you an
addict?
So the question becomes, do you have an addiction? How do
you know?
First, let's say if you don't think you have an addiction,
think again.
If you're human, more than likely you have an addiction to
something that is controlling your life and taking precious time away from
desired success in self-betterment, career, or, most importantly, family.
As regards education, it is essential for parents-who have a more concentrated,
long lasting effect on their children than a teacher ever could-to have time
for their children. Barack Obahma sees this obvious need: "We must also admit
that programs alone can't replace parents; that government can't turn off the
television and make a child do her homework; that fathers must take more
responsibility for providing the love and guidance their children need."
We have limited time, and we must be aware of this. We must
be aware of priorities. As responsible, accountable adults, American citizens,
parents, employers or employees, we must understand limitations and where we
need to focus our attention during our limited time.
With that in mind, let us get back to our initial question.
Are you an addict?
To explore this further, let's define addiction.
Addiction may be defined as a state "in which the body
relies on a substance for normal functioning and develops physical dependence,
as in drug addiction." However, this is the exception not the rule. A more
encompassing definition follows: "common usage of the term addiction has
spread to include psychological dependence. In this context, the term is used
in drug addiction and substance abuse problems, but also refers to behaviors
that are not generally recognized by the medical community as problems of
addiction, such as compulsive overeating." It is these "lesser addictions" that
are of greater significance in that they affect more people and are more
insidious because of their perceived lack of threat.
But what are these "lesser addiction"?
Compulsive spending (shopping), collecting, gambling, sports
viewing, Internet addiction, computer addiction, sexual addiction /
pornography addiction, reading, eating, self-harm, vandalism, work addiction
and more are just as destructive as drug and alcohol addiction if they inhibit
growth of any merit: career, self-improvement, family development, etc.
Now that we have "addiction" defined, where does it come
from?
Most addiction, if not all, comes from avoidance, a desire
to avoid. Avoidance of problems. At some point, a person-who's never really
been trained in understanding life, that the majority of it consists of
problems-reaches the breaking point where a problem or problems become
unbearable and instead of confrontation applies the method of avoidance. And
avoiding reality is pretty common. Consider that the majority of Americans
watch television, play computer games (Xbox, PlayStation, World of Warcraft,
Final Fantasy, Lineage, Guild Wars, Run Scape), jump on a social network,
(MySpace, Badoo, Bebo, Classmates.com, Facebook, Habbo, etc.) many hours a day,
some merely seeing work as an interruption in their "avoidance" schedule.
I have a friend working in the computer field who knows
several fellow employees who leave work, grab a beer, and sit in front of the
computer screen until it's time to go to bed. Wake up. Go to work. Get home
only to continue their gaming or "avoidance" behavior.
One game in particular, World of Warcraft is designed to
keep the gamer glued to the screen in an addictive frenzy as they attempt to
progress toward total domination. An addicts nightmare. A programmers dream.
I am aware of this addiction. I have an addictive
personality, one that to a great degree I now control through vigilance and
outside aid-friends and family.
In the past, I've sat down to play Doom or Cradle of Rome
for hours on end, sitting for five, six, seven, eight hours at a clip. I've
also used other "devices" in excess to avoid, so from first-hand knowledge I
can tell you that the problem is real and, more importantly, can be overcome so
that we spend a greater portion of our lives not only improving ourselves but
the lives of others, especially those of our family.
But why addiction?
Well, it is much easier to game, surf, and watch than it is
to self-analyze and improve one's existence, to look to a greater understanding
of that existence and how it applies to working with and coming to the aid of
the greater good or touching as many people as possible. All of this takes work
and courage, that which addiction avoids, even addiction in its most benign
form.
But why deal with problems?
According to M. Scott Peck, M.D., "It is in the whole
process of meeting and solving problems that life has its meaning. Problems are
the cutting edge that distinguishes between success and failure. Problems call
forth our courage and our wisdom; indeed, they create our courage and wisdom.
It is only because of our problems that we grow mentally and spiritually."
In school we problem solve to strengthen our ability to
think more critically, rigorously, thoroughly, accurately. So why should life
and the development of the life within us be any different?. In order to grow
greater in character and be of greater use to ourselves and our fellowman- and woman it is essential that we go to the
school of life.
According to M. Scott Peck, M.D., "What makes life difficult
is that the process of confronting and solving problems is a painful one.
Problems, depending upon their nature, evoke in us frustration or grief or
sadness or loneliness or guile or regret or anger or fear of anxiety or anguish
or despair." All stuff that's not fun to deal with, so . . . we look elsewhere
to avoid these uncomfortable feelings.
But what if we avoid our problems? And here problems are not
just necessarily dealing with difficult children, abusive spouses, alcoholics,
angry people, but dealing with problems of character that we all have.
Those problems entail anger, laziness, procrastination, negativity, gossiping
or idle talk, belligerence, lack of accountability, and so on.
Therefore, you can see that no one should avoid
self-improvement. No one has time to waste on excessive unwanted or unnecessary
activity. We all need to improve and to brush up against adversity that
friction that aids one in overcoming personal inefficiencies.
Pain is a part of life, but unfortunately many are not
warned of this fact at an early age and even fewer are given the tools
necessary to deal with pain, trials, difficulties, that are as sure to come in
all our lives as sure as the rains that fall. But don't avoid it through
obsessive pleasure.
"Strive not to banish pain and
doubt, in pleasure's noisy din; The peace thou sleekest from without, Is only
found within." Cary
But pain and challenge are essential educational element of
life. Without adversity we would not learn essential human qualities: humility,
patience, compassion, and faith in self and one's fellow man, to name a few.
But most importantly, growth, growth, growth.
"Those things that hurt, instruct."
Benjamin Franklin
Most of us do not handle pain well, difficulty well,
adversity well so we procrastinate. One of the most pervasive problems know to
man.
There are many things that we need to overcome in ourselves
in order to deal with life's difficulties. Awareness of the problem and its
common occurrence is the best place to start. And as we become aware, it is essential
to observe closely, daily, our inefficiencies and work with courage and
continual effort toward greater self-betterment.
"To do much clear thinking a man
must arrange for regular periods of solitude when he can concentrate and
indulge his imagination without distraction." Thomas A. Edison
Remember to observe closely all that relates to your growth
and betterment, for if you don't life will teach you lessons, some quite harsh
if you decide to avoid them.
"Time is the mighty hand that rocks
the eternal cradle of progress and nurses struggling humanity through that
period when man needs protection against his own ignorance." Napoleon Hill
So what to do? First, heal yourself and then through healing do
as the Bodhisattva who looks solely to the betterment of others, and by overcoming the self and through the healing of others he grows immeasurably
wise, strong, and lifted on high in the purpose he has found.
"Service, Sacrifice, and
Self-Control are three words which must be well understood by the person who
succeeds in doing something that is of help to the world." Hill
"Every failure, every adversity,
every heartache may be a blessing in disguise providing it softens the animal
portion of our nature." Hill
Gaining perspective is a great inhibitor to any addiction. If one tries to avoid or believe that all will be well simply by eliminating the addiction or burying the monster, failure is in wait. There are two keys to overcoming any addictive behavior.
One, perspective. Two, establishing values that create greater purpose and motivation.
Those attempting to overcome habits or addictions need to be aware that it takes time to change, and this awareness along with perspective is essential. Backsliding is inevitable. Especially in the early stages of change. In order to overcome, one needs to look to the larger picture as opposed to individual battles. If we expect perfection in overcoming our habits / addictions, then each gain, regardless of its size, may be seen as a loss. Meaning, that you may do well for a week and backslide for a day, seeing this as a defeat. When in reality, that one week of abstinence is a victory because the longest you'd ever gone previously was only two days.
We need to step back and look at the overall picture. Ahead five steps, back one. Ahead six, back two. Ahead seven, back three. The cumulative effect? An overall gain of eleven. Be easy on yourself. Those who love you are. Follow their lead.
Secondly, addiction comes from obsession with self. When you think of it, addiction has little to do with anyone else other than you. And herein lies the answer.
Perhaps creating a plan to include others to a greater degree, to looking how one may improve the lives of others will help overcome the self. It is the way I cured my greatest problems: hopelessness, fear, anger, suicidal tendencies, and depression. Through a constant vigilance as to the needs of others, I gained not only greater perspective but a greater desire to overcome myself, reach out to others, and heal others, in the process healing myself.
So don't avoid the overcoming, the refining of the rough-hued
stone that we come to this world with. It is our purpose. It is our reason for
being. Learn of it and learn how to overcome and all will be well. Have faith,
little one, all is well, all is well.
"To the Hindu, selfish desire
is like toys along the path of life. A child without toys is sad, sadder still
is an adult fixated at this same level.
Dhammapada
