This can mean a couple of things. Most simply, it means where you are is where you are. It can also be considered fairly existential; all things are as they are. Some would say that wanting things to be other than what they are is the root of all unhappiness. This is not to say that if you are living in a mud hut and you would rather be living in a rammed earth house, that you should not work toward that. Just that the wanting of different circumstances will lead you to be unhappy with your current circumstances. Supposedly, we can be happy in any situation. It all gets rather circular and sometimes makes my head ache trying to wrap my mind around ithappy now, but happier if, but happy now
At any rate, I've always looked at that saying as meaning that wherever you may go, however you change your situation, there will always be one thing in common: You. And therein lies the rub, as they say.
Over the years, both my husband and I have quit a number of jobs because they just were not working out. But we took our selves to each new job. It was some time before we figured out that we had to change how we looked at things if we wanted to keep working at the same kinds of jobs. We were the key element that needed refining. We're both fairly stubborn (me more so than him), so you can imagine we had a tough time of it.
Now my husband and I find ourselves desiring to move, and I really hate moving. We find ourselves dissatisfied with the situation in which we are currently living. We've looked at it long and hard and we are pretty sure that it's not just us.
When we first moved to the Prescott area of Arizona fifteen years ago, it was small, polite and friendly. People you didn't know would meet you eye to eye with a cheerful "hello" as you walked around downtown Prescott . You were more likely to smell horse on someone than perfume (fragrances give me headaches, some constrict my throat). The area has grown so much that now people avoid acknowledging you in order to have some distance from the press of population; to create space for themselves. Everybody and their dogs wear perfume. Crime is on the rise due to the increased anonymity a larger population allows and traffic is a nightmare; although people who live in big cities would probably think I was nuts. We don't go near big cities. A trip that took me fifteen minutes fifteen years ago now takes forty-five minutes or more. The thing is that wherever we might move, we will still be taking our ideas and dreams and desires with us. We will take our "rules" about what is polite behavior and how much noise your neighbors "should" make. We'll be taking us.
Because there are certain values we are unwilling to drop or modify, we find ourselves in the position of having to find a "new line of work." You either change yourself or you change your "job." Frankly, I'm done changing myself that much. I know this now. And that much change may not even be possible. It's become difficult for us both to be genuinely happy inside our own home where it is sitting.
So much of our happiness is dependent on how we perceive our situation. Perceive it as good and you will be happy. Perceive it as bad and you won't be happy for long. Migraine headaches from fragrances aside, if I didn't perceive a neighbors perfume (you wouldn't believe how strong it is) coming into my house as an "invasion" of my space, it most likely wouldn't be a problem. If I was interested in listening to their phone conversations late at night while I am trying to sleep, it wouldn't be a problem. These aren't the only issues with our perceptions. There is the asphalt plant and car exhaust. There is the warming of our microclimate due to all the new roads, buildings and cars. There is the memory of how it once was and why we originally moved here. I knowthings change.
I understand the value of being flexible. I would like to be happy right now, right here, without qualification; and in a large part, I am. For example, I love our house and think it is great; I just don't like where it is sitting. I persist in thinking that I should be grateful for what I have and not long for something that I think might be better. I've given it a good shot, but the urge to move has proven greater than the urge to stay. My husband feels the same. At least we are together in this.
If you know of a place that has clean air, blue skies, mild summers and the winter can be cold and snowy, please let us know. If the folks smell more like goats and horses than artificial perfumes, that would be fine. The property taxes should be low. If the altitude was about 5,000 feet or higher, that would be greatno fleas above 5,000 and Bernd is very allergic to the little guys. We would like at least three bedrooms, two bathrooms and either a finished basement or a shop somewhere on the property. We would like two acres or more to keep a good separation between us and our neighbors. The vegetation should be natural because we don't really much like doing a lot of yard work. A xeriscape would be ideal. And all of this for under $200,000. We've actually found a few properties that fit this description (and they're not in the middle of nowhere but the perfume issue is still up in the air), but we wouldn't mind knowing about where you live and why you love it.
There comes a point in your life when you don't really want to compromise any more, no matter what the sages might say, when you don't have the energy or desire for compromise. When you want what makes you comfortable. But in our search for the "perfect place" to live, we will have to be careful to remember that "wherever you go, there you are."
Dianne Lehmann is a jewelry designer who has been in business since January of 2000. Her interest in designing and manufacturing jewelry goes back beyond that to 1994. It took her many years of trying various creative outlets to finally figure out that making jewelry is where she could really shine. Dianne began with simply stringing beads onto cable and has progressed from there. She is now an accomplished lapidary (cuts and polishes stones) and silversmith. Dianne and her husband, Bernd, live in northern Arizona and both love to hike. Dianne can not help but pick up rocks (they are her first love) and some of these find their way into her jewelry. Dianne makes one-of-a-kind pieces that she hopes give people as much joy to view as she gets from the making of them. If you like, you may view her work at http://www.syzygyjewelry.com
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» left by Candy from Circleville, UT (89 days ago.)
Dianne, You so right, wherever you are you are there. Isn't there somewhere near where you live to move. I mean, you sound like you like certain aspects of your enviroment. Do you work outside of your home? Is the bottom line you don't want to compromise anymore? I hate rigid people. Your not are you? Try Cedar City, UT You will love it here. Candy
I don't really consider myself to be rigid. I think that I am flexible. And you are right, I do like certain aspects of my environment. Where we live right now is very beautiful. I like the high desert and that is why we are looking at other places in the high desert; mainly in New Mexico right now.
I do not work outside of my home. I have so many chemical sensitivities and allergies that my home is my "safe harbor." That is one of the reasons that it is so bothersome when we open up the house in the evening to let in fresh and cool air and then a neighbors perfume or dryer sheet fragrance or cigarette smoke comes in.
Yes, I don't want to compromise anymore. I want to live somewhere that is healthy for me and where we can be comfortable.
We've looked all over our area and there really isn't anything on two or more acres that we can afford...sadly. And much of Arizona is actually pretty empty or Navajo or other Native American reservation land.
I will certainly take a look at Cedar City. We've been thinking that somewhere within the "four corners" states is where we should stay.
I have learned exactly what you are writing. Where ever I go, there I am. I am responsible for how I feel and no one else. I found that taking responsibility for my actions and learning to respond instead of react leads me to a much more peaceful life. Not that it is always easy, but it is definitely true.
Thank you for reading and commenting. My husband and I were out of town for a few days (looking at a new place to live) and so I am slow in responding.
Creating a peaceful life for yourself is never easy, as I too have found. Our recent trip to New Mexico really brought this home for me. I knew that I had to go away from home to see if someplace else might be better; otherwise I had no basis for comparison.
The towns we visited in NM were a lot like it once was here. The weather was a bit cooler and it rained a little more than here. But I learned that, much as I don't care for where our house is sitting now, I am not really yet ready to move.
So now my challenge is not to react (as you have said) to the things that irritate me, but to intelligently respond to them in a more personally positive manner.
Hi Dianne, come live near me :-) We live in the country, I can hear the roosters crow in the morning, I have deer in my yard. I live on 2 acres, and people ride their horses up and down the street. The weather is exactly as you described and you can get a good price. It is beautiful in Oregon, but you have to get used to the rain.
Thanks for sharing these great truths. I think when we can assess ourselves honestly, it is the beginning of change and it puts us on the right road to contentment.
Lots of love, and may you find a great place to live.
It sounds lovely where you live. I've always thought of myself as more of a country gal than a city girl. Oregon is one of the places we considered. I love rain and love snow even more, but I don't do well in generally moist climates. I am very allergic to molds. That's one of the many reasons we left southern California for the high desert. Are you learning to think of horses differently? :)
I've found this website called city-data dot com that will give you weather/climate data for just about anywhere in the US. It's been very helpful. Right now, though, I think I would be wise to put away the search for a new place to live for a time and concentrate on letting go of some of my unhappiness. It has actually made me physically ill.
Eventually, in the fullness of time, we will know where we have to be and what we have to do to get there.
Dianne, I think you are absolutely right and one key you hit upon is 'flexibility'. Learning to be flexible can mean a lot in all of life's situations.
I have this personal delusion that I've become more flexible as I've gotten older. I know it is a delusion because time and again I find myself not wanting to compromise. I'm working on the flexibility thing.
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