How do you succeed?
How do you overcome?
How do you craft, transform your lightless life to one
of joy?
Self-reflection is at the beginning of any successful
endeavor of considerable consequence.
This is the type of education that is more valuable than any
other you will ever obtain, for if you don't self-reflect you don't progress or
overcome debilitating character weaknesses that we all have. And if you don't
self-reflect, you don't enable getting out of your comfort zone, and if you
can't get out of your comfort zone, you won't grow. If you don't grow, you
won't prosper. If you don't prosper, you'll be a liability to your success
potential, family, society, and will never know the great joy of a totally
fulfilling life, and, most importantly, the joy of purpose you'll find in
positively affecting the lives of others.
But where do these problems lie? Where are our biggest
challenges?
Growing up, you often heard about the boy or girl who came
from a dysfunctional family. This child or that child were spoken of often and
pitied for their "unfortunate circumstances." It was only the extreme cases or
those who couldn't suppress their dysfunctionality whose lives seeped over into
the general gossip of the neighborhood.
But keep in mind that dysfunctional is not so uncommon, that it occurs when
there is excessive negativity, criticism, put downs, blame, and so on. And the
fact that the divorce rate is 50% alludes to this issue, implying a
considerable spread of dysfunctional behavior. Another point of note is that
according to the American Medical Association, 72 percent of American homes
harbor someone with an addiction, a dysfunctional characteristic.
I need not go any further, for if you are knowledgeable as
to the definition of dysfunctional, what it means, and are honest in looking at
yourself and others, you can not help but see the wide spread problem I speak
of. But for those not in tune with the definition, here it is.
Dysfunctional: · unable to
function normally, properly, etc. · of or
characterized by abnormal or impaired psychosocial functioning.
Of course we'd have to define "normally" and "properly," as
well as "abnormal" and "impaired psychosocial functioning" to get a clearer
picture. But regardless, if we are not able to achieve what we desire and are
held back for emotion based reasons then we are not functioning appropriately
or effectively enough and need to make change. Change that begins with
self-reflection. But why do so many never seem to get going in life to overcome
their emotional handicaps?
Unfortunately, to a great degree because of the fact that it
is so easy to give advice but so difficult to accept the truth about one's own
weaknesses. Why? Because it's humiliating and it slows us down. Hell, we've got
things to accomplish and backtracking and fixing are not a part of the plan.
Besides, no one else does it. I'm sure I've never heard of any normal people
having to fix a few simple character problems, and aren't most of them simple?
Isn't it only a few that have these problems? I'm OK, right?
No.
Few of us are, OK.
And if you don't fix your emotion based character flaws the
end result could be fatal.
I just heard of a classmate who committed suicide. She was
always seen smiling, upbeat and positive. But in her quite times there was too
much doubt and darkness and she took her life. Some may say, "Well, it was
probably a chemical thing." That's a cop out. When younger, I was suicidal,
excessively depressed, shy, withdrawn, and hopeless. Was it a chemical thing?
It may have turned into one if I had started seeing doctors who might have
given me drugs, only ending up making the situation worse. To see what I'm
talking about, read on.
Here's some stats on depression that will enlighten.
- In any
given year, 10% of the American population, 18 and above, are affected by
depressive disorders.
- The
rate of increase of depression in children is an astounding 23%.
- 80% of
depressed people are not seeking help.
- Depression
will be the second highest killer after heart disease after 2020.
- Depression
results in more absenteeism than almost any other physical disorder and
costs employers more than US$51 billion per year in absenteeism and lost
productivity, not including high medical and pharmaceutical bills.
- Antidepressants
only work for about 30% of the depressed population.
- Standard
antipressants, SSRIs such as Prozac, Paxil (Aropax) and Zoloft, have
recently been revealed to have serious risks, and are linked to suicide,
violence, psychosis, abnormal bleeding and brain tumors.
- Antidepressants
(particularly SSRIs) work only as well (or less) than placebos.
- Short-term
(exogenous) depression can be caused by loss or extreme trauma.
- Chronic
or life-long (endogenous) depression is caused by trauma in childhood
which includes: emotional, physical or sexual abuse; yelling or threats of
abuse; neglect (even two parents working); criticism; inappropriate or
unclear expectations; maternal separation; conflict in the family; divorce;
family addiction; violence in the family, neighborhood or TV; racism and
poverty.
- Studies
are increasingly linking more illnesses to depression, including:
osteoporosis, diabetes, heart disease, some forms of cancer, eye disease
and back pain.
That's the bad news but there is a
cure. What does it entail?
·
Good relationships: studies show that relationships
with partners, carers, teachers, co-workers and a supportive social network
results in physical and emotional healing, happiness and life satisfaction, and
prevents isolation and loneliness, major factors in depressive illness.
·
Learning how to create relationships that meet needs
not met in childhood.
·
A safe, supportive and non-judgemental group
environment.
·
Techniques to boost self-esteem and a sense of
competence.
·
Moderate and even gentle exercise such as a brief walk.
·
Meditation, prayer and relaxation exercises such as
yoga.
·
Fostering spiritual beliefs and a sense of purpose and
sharing them with others.
·
Spending time in nature and with pets. Even a potted
plant or view from your office will help.
·
Experiencing an ongoing environment that is free from
trauma and very supportive so that the body and the brain can heal and develop.
What's the answers? Simple, clean, and short? Love, acceptance,
and self-accountability-or getting to work.
If you look at the cures, you'll see important, key phrases:
"non-judgemental," "exercise," "meditation," "prayer," "relaxation," "sense of
purpose," "experiencing an environment that if free from trauma and very
supportive."
Love. Love. Love.
Do we need a PhD to see this?
But in order to overcome abuse that is found in the
negative, all talk that turns the insides cold must be reduced in our lives in
the extreme. To reiterate, long-term depression comes from "emotional, physical
or sexual abuse; yelling or threats of abuse; neglect (even two parents
working); criticism; inappropriate or unclear expectations; maternal
separation; conflict in the family; divorce; family addiction; violence in the
family, neighborhood or TV; racism and poverty" that occur in childhood.
Please note that we are in much greater control of our lives
than we believe. We allow others to effect us and control us. If you become
upset by what others say, it is your fault. Not that you can just turn negative
words and actions on and off like a switch but over time, through a concerted
effort one can become cured from depression, addiction, hopelessness,
aimlessness, feeling uncomfortable around people, suicidal tendencies, and more.
I know. I've overcome all the above and more.
It is a choice. You have a choice. Do you desire to continue
to be beaten about the ears by the past? Past threats, abuse, yelling, neglect,
criticism, separation, conflict, addiction, violence, racism, poverty. I have
experienced all the above to a great degree. If I can overcome it, you can too.
What can't be overcome? Only that which the mind agrees to.
If you believe that you are worth something; if you know
that after those failed suicide attempts that the message deep down is yes; if
you refuse to give in to the negative evaluations or experiences in your life;
if you can imagine as you did when a child, that peace reigns, hope thrives,
that the sun shines; if you can force your way through the dark with the help
of positive images and words coming from your friends, family, television, cd
player, dvd player, and in this limiting you begin to thrive; if you decide to
control what you see, hear, read, changing the very thoughts, limiting,
eliminating the very thoughts that drove you down; if you can believe that
those who are happy, content, ecstatic are made of the same stuff as you, that
you deserve the same life . . . Well, then, what are you waiting for?
Don't be afraid. Don't give into the fear. Fear is of the
dark. The dark breads dark and moves away from the light.
You were put here to struggle, struggle greatly, but not
without help. But first you must believe.
And if you believe, know throughout your being-head, heart,
and soul-that you can achieve whatever you desire, this is the start to the
breakaway heart.
As you build toward your success, overcoming all negatives,
a wonder and joy beyond measure will open up to you, within you, a burgeoning
heart of celestial joy.
It is only in our journey, overcoming the evil, the
foreboding, the relentless hardships do we build appreciation, understanding,
depth of character that creates a shield of well-sprung eternal strength before
us. A shield that we carry and goes before us. And as you strengthen your shield
through proper thought, action, word, and deed bolstering yourself, ultimately taking
along others, the universal hand reaches out to you and employs you to move
onward, upward not in small increments and degrees but in massive leaps and
bounds. And as you do so, the wonder and joy you will feel, the passionate
desire to live and build upon this joy grows, and grows, and grows, and grows.
The wonder of the heavens opens up before your spiritual eye
and you pause . . . . .
For this is my life. My reason for being, you say in total,
thorough understanding.
And to the remaining experiences of trial and pain?
Let it come, you say. Let it come.
I will learn of its lessons but not pale in the task to
overcome.
Let it come.
