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I hear women who hold high level executive positions,
lawyers, CEOs of large corporations say that they have hard time finding men in
their lives because their successful careers scare men away. How true is that? On the other hand a lot of women like that
are married to supportive husbands.
Claudia is an attractive woman in her early 50s, an owner of
a large business, came to me one day feeling hopeless and desperate. She has been dating for years and yet couldn't
find a meaningful relationship that lasted more than a couple of months. Like all the rest of us she wanted to meet
someone who would love her and admire her for her successes in life and be
willing to be in a long term loving intimate relationship that would eventually
lead to marriage. I thought her desire
was valid and very much understandable.
As we were talking during our introductory session I could immediately
sense that I am talking to someone who has very high standards. And the more we talked, the more unsure I
felt that I could meet her standards as a coach. She kept insisting that I give her advices on
what should she do, where should she go and what approach should she take. When I let her know what my services are,
that as a coach I provide emotional and spiritual support, personal insight and
help people create action plans to achieve their goals. When I told her that I do not give direct
advices to my clients and my services do not include matchmaking because I
believe telling people what to do disempowers them, she was clearly
disappointed. When I got off the phone
with her, I felt sad for Claudia, it became clear to me that I couldn't help
her at that time. After all, it is my
mission in life and my passion to help people find loving and meaningful
relationships.
And then I came to realization. I have many other clients who greatly benefit
from my work with them and I have given successful workshops, so in the end I
knew that the problem wasn't me or my skills.
However, as I believe that every feeling we experience is there for a
reason I was sure that there was a good reason for this one. This must be the way many people,
particularly men who date someone like Claudia feel about themselves when they
are around her, unsure that they will be able to help her or meet her standards. It is not her successes in life that they
feel threatened by, it is her high demands and expectations. She probably knows that her standards are
high, but she has no idea what it's like to be on the other side and how her
energy and attitude may affect others.
This doesn't necessarily mean that women like Claudia will not attract
anyone in their lives. However, the
types of people who will be attracted to someone like her will mostly be the
ones who will try their best to please her, hoping that her approval will make
them feel good enough in the eyes of society.
But will a man like that ever be able to be good enough in the eyes of a
woman with unrealistically high demands, standards and expectations? And will a woman like that ever be able to
respect a man who does not respect himself?
The bottom line is to be as humble as you can to
yourself and others. If you are a highly
successful woman, don't let this hold you back from dating and exploring your
relationship possibilities. Your success will not intimidate the man who is
right for you, no matter how successful he is.
But your judgmental and demanding attitude will definitely push him
away. If the guy is still intimidated by
your success, even though you showed him nothing but kindness and compassion,
than let this be his problem and not yours.
There is no need to diminish your own success in order to make others
feel more comfortable, in fact this will cause a lot of damage to you over something
that you actually need to be proud of.
Be yourself but also, try to let others do what they can to make you
happy if they have a desire to do so. |
