I have described in a prior article how fast reacting often spells trouble. Now in this article I tell you what you can do about this reaction problem. When stress has made you reactive, here is a recovery process:
1. Train yourself to notice your physical symptoms of being upset, such as: tense muscles, shallow breathing, heart racing, face flushed, making fists, perspiring, tightness in chest, etc. These sensations tell you that you are reacting and it is time to get your focus back.
2. Calm yourself with techniques such as deep breathing and meditating.
3. Remember to ask yourself the question, "What do I really want?" This asking a question will make your brain come back into action, and more blood will flow into it so it can work on the question.
4. If necessary, take time out. Say you will come back later. We have less resourcefulness when stress gets us off course, especially if the brain's amygdala takes over at the wrong times. Try the above ways of staying focused on what you really want, and invent your own. A true case of successful use of this process: Here is a true story about an executive I'll call Sam joined a company. After some months, he noticed that he was being left out of key meetings that he should be in. He wondered what had gone wrong. Sam asked for a meeting with four people that he hoped would tell him. Sam was clear about what he really wanted from this meeting - feedback about what he had done to be left out of these meetings. He confided that he was concerned about being left out and asked for their frank feedback. Silence followed. Then one woman blurted out, "It's because you're a backstabber!" Sam reacted strongly. He almost got out of his chair to challenge the woman and set her straight. Then he noticed how hard he was gripping his chair arms. White knuckles showed. Sam realized that he was upset and angry. He decided to calm himself down before he said anything. He breathed deeply several times. He pondered what to say as all eyes watched him. He remembered his initial goal of getting feedback and got focused back on that. Finally, he said, "I must have done something to make people believe that. Can you tell me what I did?" The woman calmly told him.
Sam used my above process to recover from reactions. He noticed the physical symptoms of his plight - that he had reacted and forgotten what he really wanted. He relaxed and got refocused on his goal. Once he regained his focus, he was able to say something that got him what he really wanted, frank feedback. To improve your impulse control and ability to recover from stress reactions, please contact me, Bill at Eagle Alliance website. |
