The Virginity Test: How to Tell If Your Child Is Still a Virgin
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Posted: Monday, September 22, 2008
by Mogama
http://www.mogama.info
On the way to school, Dad asked his teenage daughter, "Do you have a boyfriend yet?"
She answered, "No."
Dad asked, "Have you done the kissing thing?"
"No," she replied. "I have never kissed a boy."
Dad said, "How can you avoid the boyfriend, the sex, and the kissing, when you are so surrounded by it? It's everywhere you turn!"
She said, "But Dad. I'm not surrounded by it."
Dad said, "Don't your peers talk about those things a lot when you are together? And when you go online too?"
The daughter calmly told Dad that boys, kissing and sex were not a major topic among the teens she hangs out with at school or online.
Dad, not convinced, asked again, "Are you still a virgin?"
Almost a forbidden question, coming from an Africa-born-and-raised man. The culturally African thing to have done would be to have asked his wife to interrogate their daughter about the matter. But spending more than 17 years in the United States has helped to desensitize him to the utmost secrecy that prevails in the traditional African setting about sex talk.
There was another practical reason that prompted Dad to engage in this sex ed discussion with his daughter, who seems to be growing taller and more beautiful by the month. Daughter and Mother have not been having great conversations lately. Since the girl turned teenager over two years ago, most exchanges between her and Mom continue to be less friendly. Dad did not want this important subject to become the latest casualty of another angry exchange between the two ladies of the house.
To Dad's question, his daughter replied, "Yes, Dad, I'm still a virgin. And I intend to stay that way."
"And for how long?"
She did not answer.
Dad was kind of shocked that his daughter was not shocked by his blunt question. But Dad was relieved to hear Daughter speak with a level of confidence that made him think she was telling nothing but the truth. Her truthfulness is often suspect, based on past behavior. This is the girl that will have her mother's lipstick all over her lips, and when asked, "Did you use Mom's lipstick?", will answer, "No" with seeming confidence.
With Teenage Girl's response, the somewhat proud dad did not know exactly what to think, though. "How do I know for sure that my lovely teenager is still a virgin? Or that she's not?"
In Dad's hometown back in West Africa, he recalls that parents have a reliable way of knowing a daughter's virginity was in tact. Only mothers of the town know how to conduct the Virginity Test. The African mother does not have to take her daughter's word for it. Oh, no. She can get solid proof with an ancient test that every mother in the village is convinced has never failed once.
Now that this African dad in America wants to be sure about his daughter's abstinence status, he starts thinking if his own wife knows how to administer the Virginity Test. Even though, like him, his wife was born and raised in West Africa, he knows his wife was what you call a city girl, who is usually not familiar with the customs of traditional Africans.
The virginity thing is not something the couple has discussed before, but Dad plans to ask his wife sometime soon.
Meanwhile, for the rest of the ride to the high school, where his daughter is a sophomore, Dad and Daughter talk about the importance of keeping her virginity as a treasure to give that special person when she's done with her education. Yes, education first. Education now. Sex later. Much, much later.
Is there any guarantee that, in such a sex-crazed, sex-crave society like America, Dad's hope for his daughter's sexual restraint will be realized? Any chance his prayer will be answered? He can only hope so, or he can take his daughter to the next "True Love Waits" event at a Christian church, camp or stadium, so she can take the Abstinence Vow and wear the Abstinence Ring as evidence that she will remain a virgin until Honey Moon night. Any comfort there, since there've been too many True Love Waits vow chickens, making the ceremony look like a mocking joke?
Better yet, the next time Dad visits Africa, he may just be able to bribe one of those smart village mothers into letting him in on the Virginity Test, the sure thing. And while there he will find out if a similar test exists for sons, for boys. But for that he may have to ask the African fathers. Good luck, Dad, because African dads are so busy having sex, they've got little time to talk about it!
She answered, "No."
Dad asked, "Have you done the kissing thing?"
"No," she replied. "I have never kissed a boy."
Dad said, "How can you avoid the boyfriend, the sex, and the kissing, when you are so surrounded by it? It's everywhere you turn!"
She said, "But Dad. I'm not surrounded by it."
Dad said, "Don't your peers talk about those things a lot when you are together? And when you go online too?"
The daughter calmly told Dad that boys, kissing and sex were not a major topic among the teens she hangs out with at school or online.
Dad, not convinced, asked again, "Are you still a virgin?"
Almost a forbidden question, coming from an Africa-born-and-raised man. The culturally African thing to have done would be to have asked his wife to interrogate their daughter about the matter. But spending more than 17 years in the United States has helped to desensitize him to the utmost secrecy that prevails in the traditional African setting about sex talk.
There was another practical reason that prompted Dad to engage in this sex ed discussion with his daughter, who seems to be growing taller and more beautiful by the month. Daughter and Mother have not been having great conversations lately. Since the girl turned teenager over two years ago, most exchanges between her and Mom continue to be less friendly. Dad did not want this important subject to become the latest casualty of another angry exchange between the two ladies of the house.
To Dad's question, his daughter replied, "Yes, Dad, I'm still a virgin. And I intend to stay that way."
"And for how long?"
She did not answer.
Dad was kind of shocked that his daughter was not shocked by his blunt question. But Dad was relieved to hear Daughter speak with a level of confidence that made him think she was telling nothing but the truth. Her truthfulness is often suspect, based on past behavior. This is the girl that will have her mother's lipstick all over her lips, and when asked, "Did you use Mom's lipstick?", will answer, "No" with seeming confidence.
With Teenage Girl's response, the somewhat proud dad did not know exactly what to think, though. "How do I know for sure that my lovely teenager is still a virgin? Or that she's not?"
In Dad's hometown back in West Africa, he recalls that parents have a reliable way of knowing a daughter's virginity was in tact. Only mothers of the town know how to conduct the Virginity Test. The African mother does not have to take her daughter's word for it. Oh, no. She can get solid proof with an ancient test that every mother in the village is convinced has never failed once.
Now that this African dad in America wants to be sure about his daughter's abstinence status, he starts thinking if his own wife knows how to administer the Virginity Test. Even though, like him, his wife was born and raised in West Africa, he knows his wife was what you call a city girl, who is usually not familiar with the customs of traditional Africans.
The virginity thing is not something the couple has discussed before, but Dad plans to ask his wife sometime soon.
Meanwhile, for the rest of the ride to the high school, where his daughter is a sophomore, Dad and Daughter talk about the importance of keeping her virginity as a treasure to give that special person when she's done with her education. Yes, education first. Education now. Sex later. Much, much later.
Is there any guarantee that, in such a sex-crazed, sex-crave society like America, Dad's hope for his daughter's sexual restraint will be realized? Any chance his prayer will be answered? He can only hope so, or he can take his daughter to the next "True Love Waits" event at a Christian church, camp or stadium, so she can take the Abstinence Vow and wear the Abstinence Ring as evidence that she will remain a virgin until Honey Moon night. Any comfort there, since there've been too many True Love Waits vow chickens, making the ceremony look like a mocking joke?
Better yet, the next time Dad visits Africa, he may just be able to bribe one of those smart village mothers into letting him in on the Virginity Test, the sure thing. And while there he will find out if a similar test exists for sons, for boys. But for that he may have to ask the African fathers. Good luck, Dad, because African dads are so busy having sex, they've got little time to talk about it!
The 'Virginity Test' discussed in this article is considered a human rights violation by Amesty Internation and the evidence for it's effectiveness has been heavily disputed by the medical establishment. This procedure is not advised.
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More commentsI understand where your coming from and your worries, but lets just say she wasn't lying about being a virgin and you still decide to get her checked and find out she wasn't, I'm sure the distance that is already being built between the girl and dad and mom will grow larger and further!
Also, lets say she did have sex with one or many guys, what will you do?
I personally am a 16 year old virgin and very happy, I believe those with low self-esteem do these things to seek attention!Please log in to respond to this comment.I will extend grace to my daughter if she falls short of the standard we expect. Her Mom and I will still love her, though the incident may pain us, understandably.
It is encouraging to me that there are young people like you, who do not need sex to make them feel better about themselves. More power to you! -:)Please log in to respond to this comment.
IF you daughter grew up here in the US, she probally will feel horribly violated if you go have her tested. It shows her that you neither trust her nor respect her. If my parents would have had that done to me, I would have run away. Each person's body is their own. And FYI, I never dated nor been kissed. I am 23 years old and stil a virgin. But it is none of my parents business. That is between me, my future husband, and Jesus whether I stay pure though I do intend to stay pure til marriage.Please log in to respond to this comment.It seems, Kristina, that you must have learned somewhere from someone the importance of respecting your body in this way. I applaud you. My daughter needed to learn the same from someone; I wanted to be among the primary voices to teach her such an important virtue. Should I regret doing that?Please log in to respond to this comment.I learned from the scriptures the importance of virtue. I did not learn it from my mother nor my father. Holy Spirit teaches me in all things. Honestly, it would be a violation of trust to check your daughter out in that manner. Plus a girl can look like she isn't a virgin down there if she rides a bike the wrong way. She don't need to have sex to do that. A hymen can break from riding a bike. I am pretty sure that is what the women look for. A person is really only no longer a virgin when they have sex, and there is no sure way to tell, even a doctor can't tell. Some people even keep their hymen after sex. There is no sure way to tell. It is backwards to put your daughters worth in her virginity. It is also wrong to not trust your daughter and take her at her word. If you do not respect your child, you will provoke her to anger and make her loose all respect in her heart for you. Honest truth I would not want my mother looking at me down there unless it was absolutely necessary for my well being. Checking to see if I was still a virgin would not fall into that category. To be concerned about something so trivial with your child is not a good thing. Shouldn't you be focused on bringing her up in the ways of the Lord. Does not the scripture say if you do so the child will not stray far from the path? If you are so concerned pray! And learn to trust in God. But checking out your child that way is just wrong. I would never do so to a child unless I was concerned about a very young child and if they were sexually abused. I would not do it myself either, I would have a doctor check. That is most definately not something a parent should do to their child. It is just plain wrong.Please log in to respond to this comment.
In addition, I wouldn't be worrying about whether your daughter is having sex. If she grew up her in the US, she might have been exposed to that but more likely she been exposed to drugs and the occult. Before I came to Christ at 16, I was messing around with witchcraft in my bedroom. I had tried wiccan meditations, channeling energy and such. My parents do not really adhere to religion, but they thought well she si in her room here at home, she should be fine. I brought demons down upon my bedroom so badly that when I came to Christ they started attacking me, and I was scared to sleep in my room. My brother was selling pot without my parents knowledge, he was smoking it too. It wasn't sex that was the problem. I never got asked to have sex with anyone in school. I did however hang out with wiccans, buddhists, and others who followed occult practices.
Kids can get in trouble in many other ways besides sex.Please log in to respond to this comment.
i think sex is a sacred thing and shoulded be thrown around, it should only be for your husband! like how it was sopose to work, but in these days they encourage people to have sex and now its just consiterd normal behavier for teens.Please log in to respond to this comment.Great comment, Rebecca. Enjoy-:)Please log in to respond to this comment.
I thank that you should save your self for marriage but it's a little to late for me I wish I would have waited but I can't change what as happened but I wish I could but ahwellPlease log in to respond to this comment.May you find rest and peace in the grace of Jesus Christ. That's how I am able to overcome regrets in my life.Please log in to respond to this comment.
im 13 years old and i was brought up to learn that sex should happen with the one you marry do i agree ? yes many kids from school may pressure me as they do to others i am not one to fall in to pear pressure if my mother took me to get tested she can go on ahead i think if evreyone had sex after marrage that the world would not have fornication ,hookers ,porn an many other things as this .Please log in to respond to this comment.
Hello, I read your article with interest. In my culture that would never be an issue. If your daughter says she is a virgin, you should axept that, and definitely not subject her to a humiliating examination. Whether she is a virgin or not, should be of no consequence to you, you should love her still the same. Her virginity is only between her and God. In practical terms, she probably knows about STDs and how one gets pregnant. Of course you can ask her about it, you are her father, but then you should be at peace with her answer.
Be well, and peace be with you and your family.Please log in to respond to this comment.
My question is if you have sex , do you stop growing up ?Please log in to respond to this comment.
i lost my virginity and im proudPlease log in to respond to this comment.You should be if the person you lost it to is now your husband.Please log in to respond to this comment.Jacob lost his virginity to his husband? I thought you were against gay marriage.Please log in to respond to this comment.
I saw this article and came back to it twice. I was put off by the title but decided to read it anyways and I am happy I did.
Kristina, you brought up some very good points for us all to meditate on and put into practice. Kuddos for you. I also love what you said about being taught by the Holy Spirit the importance of virtue. Thank you for your very wise response. I pray that many your age receive your wisdom. I am a senior citizen and have already raised two grown daughters and two now adult grandaughters and I never thought that one can loose their virginity in more ways than one. Thank you for opening the eyes of this old gal (smile)!Please log in to respond to this comment.
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