On the way to school, Dad
asked his teenage daughter, "Do you have a boyfriend yet?"
She answered, "No."
Dad asked, "Have you done
the kissing thing?"
"No," she replied. "I have
never kissed a boy."
Dad said, "How can you
avoid the boyfriend, the sex, and the kissing, when you so are surrounded by
it? It's everywhere you turn!"
She said, "But Dad. I'm
not surrounded by it."
Dad said, "Don't your
peers talk about those things a lot when you are together? And when you go
online too?"
The daughter calmly told
Dad that boys, kissing and sex were not a major topic among the teens she hangs
out with at school or online.
Dad, not convinced, asked
again, "Are you still a virgin?"
Almost a forbidden
question, coming from an Africa-born-and-raised man. The culturally African
thing to have done would be to have asked his wife to interrogate their
daughter about the matter. But spending more than 17 years in the United States
has helped to desensitize him to the utmost secrecy that prevails in the
traditional African setting about sex talk.
There was another
practical reason that prompted Dad to engage in this sex-ed discussion with his
daughter, who seems to be growing taller and more beautiful by the month.
Daughter and Mother have not been having great conversations lately. Since the
girl turned teenager over two years ago, most exchanges between her and Mom
continue to be less friendly. Dad did not want this important subject to become
the latest casualty of another angry exchange between the two ladies of the
house.
To Dad's question, his
daughter replied, "Yes, Dad, I'm still a virgin. And I intend to stay that
way."
"And for how long?"
She did not answer.
Dad was kind of shocked
that his daughter was not shocked by his blunt question. But Dad was relieved
to hear Daughter speak with a level of confidence that made him think she was
telling nothing but the truth. Her truthfulness is often suspect, based on past
behavior. This is the girl that will have her mother's lipstick all over her
lips, and when asked, "Did you use Mom's lipstick?", will answer, "No" with
seeming confidence.
With Teenage Girl's
response, the somewhat proud dad did not know exactly what to think, though.
"How do I know for sure that my lovely teenager is still a virgin? Or that
she's not?"
In Dad's hometown back in
West Africa, he recalls that parents have a reliable way of knowing a
daughter's virginity was in tact. Only mothers of the town know how to conduct
the Virginity Test. The African mother does not have to take her daughter's
word for it. Oh, no. She can get solid proof with an ancient test that every
mother in the village is convinced has never failed once.
Now that this African dad
in America wants to be sure about his daughter's abstinence status, he starts
thinking if his own wife knows how to administer the Virginity Test. Even
though, like him, his wife was born and raised in West Africa, he knows his
wife was what you call a city girl, who is usually not familiar with the customs
of traditional African customs.
The virginity thing is not
something the couple has discussed before, but Dad plans to ask his wife
sometime soon.
Meanwhile, for the rest of
the ride to the high school, where his daughter is a sophomore, Dad and Daughter
talk about the importance of keeping her virginity as a treasure to give that
special person when she's done with her education. Yes, education first;
education now. Sex later; much, much later.
Is there any guarantee
that, in such a sex-crazed, sex-crave society like America, his hope for his
daughter's sexual restraint will be realized? Any chance his prayer will be
answered? He can only hope so, or he can take his daughter to the next "True Love Waits" event at a Christian church, camp or stadium, so she can take the Abstinence Vow and wear the Abstinence Ring as evidence that she will remain a virgin until Honey Moon night. Any comfort there?
Better yet, the next time Dad visits Africa, he may
just be able to bribe one of those smart village mothers into letting him in on
the Virginity Test, the sure thing. And while there he will find out if a
similar test exists for sons, for boys, but for that he may have to ask
the African fathers. Good luck, Dad!
