"What are the signs of stress? Am
I stressed?"
This was the gist of an e-mail I
received from Toronto.
Reading his message, I felt bad as he narrated a long history of misfortunes,
missed opportunities, and mishaps. Although he had minimized some of his
travails, I could feel that he was not coping well.
So I responded, "You sound
stressed." The next day I received his response, "Doc, you're too polite. I'm
overwhelmed!"
Stressed?
Everyone feels stressed. For some
of us, even the thought of Monday triggers an emotional upheaval. And the
thought of Friday brings some relief . . . and thrill.
Signs of stress are everywhere. If
you don't believe me, just go to the mall. I assure you that you will immediately
see several foreheads with heavy, contoured lines written all over.
If you're still skeptical, visit
some of the businesses. In a minute, you can sense the push to perform - deadlines,
announcements, meetings, sales, quota, and complaints. Visit some of our homes and tell me, do you
see fighting couples, nagging wives, and insensitive husbands?
I hope not.
A little stress is not always
harmful though. In fact, it's as necessary as the air we breathe. Somehow stress
serves a purpose. A little stress helps a person prepare better and perform well.
Sometimes without stress, there is no push.
But for some people, being
stressed becomes a way of life. And that's where the danger lies. While breathing
and eating are physiologic needs, excessive stress is too costly - a luxury
that we can't afford to have.
How can you effectively deal with
stress? What's the role of the I AM principle?
The I AM principle corresponds to the three practical ways to
effectively deal with stress: Ignore
trifles, Accept the things that
can't be changed, and Move on.
Ignore Trifles
What are trifles? Trifles are by
definition small, inconsequential, insignificant entities. Office politics,
unfair rumors, one-sided opinion, unpolished shoes, and stained shirt are good
examples. Trifles in general don't matter in the great scheme of things.
Why are people then so
preoccupied with trivial things?
People focus on trifles because they
are easier to deal with. They can be fun and don't require any effort. Some
people focus on trivialities for fear that big steps will overwhelm them. Some
prefer to rot in the comforts of inactivity for fear of failure.
Still others use trifles to escape
from the reality of hard work, to deviate ones attention from the pressing demands
of daily life. And others focus on the unimportant to justify their current sad
predicament. Of course, it's more convenient to focus on easy endeavor just to
avoid vital yet difficult undertaking.
Whatever the purpose it serves,
trifles are wastes of time that should be relegated to the trash without hesitation.
Accept things that can't be changed
Dwelling on things beyond your
control is disastrous. Just imagine trying to change the weather, the past,
your physical looks, or your birthday?
I remember an elderly man who
died unhappy and broke. While still
alive, he questioned his father's will (certified to be genuine) which he considered
as unfair. He fought his siblings, went to court, annoyed his own lawyers, and
agitated his wife and children. In the end, he lost all $1 million inheritance
due to lawyer's fees.
People end up in psychoanalysts' couches
because of this sad tale. Many stresses, neurosis, and conflicts arise by
trying to change the unchangeable.
Learning to accept things the way
they are is a virtue. Although initially difficult, acceptance has its reward -
peace of mind.
Move on
Moving on is the next important
step. The focus should be on life-changing goals, on things that matter, on
things that can be improved.
Life means growth. Stopping its momentum
is like allowing a river to stagnate and die. The essence of life is change -for
the better. So move on and claim the prize you deserve.
Have a life. Move on!
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