Waiting
After suspected, but before diagnosed
you get to do a lot of waiting.
The Doctor's voice mail system voice
tries to convince me, unconvincingly, that,
"Your [meaning my]
call is very important to us."
I doubt this very much.
"Please stay on the line
for the next available
customer service representative."
Is that what I am? A customer with cancer?
What choice do I have but to wait?
I could be dying, so, yeah, I guess I'll wait.
I spend more time waiting to do stuff
than in doing stuff.
I wait to get an appointment.
I wait for the appointment time to arrive.
I show up early, and I'm put in a room
especially prepared for people like me.
It's called the Waiting Room.
This leads to the Doctors ordering
of more tests, which, of course,
leads to more waiting.
I call to push for an early appointment
for this next test and I am told,
"We're sorry, but you
can't have an appointment
until our insurance department
confirms with your insurance company
that they are going to authorize
payment for this test."
I may be dying, but by God
get the paper-work right!
Then it's wait for test results which,
if you are very, very lucky, will be
two weeks from next Thursday.
Is all this waiting really waiting,
or might it be, only, delay of the inevitable?
Is it possible to kill time without injuring
eternity? Is killing time killing me?
I have to wait and see.
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