Log in to become a member of Susan Thom's Fan Club!
For those who feel there is nothing wrong with the way they are, and they don't need to reinvent or change a thing, this might not be the article for you. Here, we will talk about improving our character traits and living happier, healthier lives. We'll start with anger. That seems to be the one thing we all have in common. If we were not taught how to handle our anger at our brother for taking our Barbie doll and throwing it in the garbage, that anger is still sitting in our cells. If we were never taught how to control our outbursts, chances are, we are still having those outbursts as adults. Unfortunately, those temper tantrums now involve spouses, children, co workers, and all who rub us the wrong way as we go about our day. When we expose our kids to this type of behavior, they, in turn, carry it with them into their adulthood, and later, their own families.
There is no magic age to stop and really think about our characters, how patient or impatient are we, how caring and compassionate? How demonstrative and helpful to others, including our own families? How honest are we? Do we teach this honesty, or do we pass on our theory that "white lies" are okay? Do we keep a clean and neat atmosphere for our family, or is our home as jumbled and cluttered as our minds? Are we aware that there might be a better way to live and enjoy life? A calmer, softer, more productive way? One we can not only be proud of, but one our children will follow? And pass on to our grandchildren? It's all up to us. However, we must be willing to do some work on ourselves, target the areas we need to change, and find a way to do so. This can be through reading, going to seminars, maybe a few dozen trips to the therapist, whatever it takes to push out the demons within, and start with a clean, functional slate.
The anger we've been holding onto from whatever age, has to be extricated and replaced with peace and a calmness in our souls and minds. Once all the anger of the past is replaced with happiness and a different attitude towards life, and others, we will see and feel a change. Freedom from negativity is independence from angry outbursts, degrading remarks, arguments, and dysfunctional thinking and behavior. It's not easy to change the way we have been brought up, or the way we feel from hurts of our past, but if there's a will, there's a way.
I know, I've done it. Oh, not all the time, of course, but much more than the rest of my life. I started with anger books. It was all very interesting and applicable. I was finally reading about the way I had felt all my life. Better yet, I was also learning how to train my brain to be so much more tranquil and at peace. Once this started happening, I was calmer with my own idiosyncrasies and able to accept others' for who they were, not who I wanted them to be. My throat has been my best friend through all my trials and tribulations. I have learned to close it tight so the nasty or degrading words don't escape. This way, when a disagreement is over, there are no amends to be made, or feelings hurt, or memories lingering which tend to build a wall of mistrust and even dislike.
Believe me, I can go off like any other normal human being. I can spew my words of degradation and hatred, and I have even been known to become physical, but that was way in the past, when I was younger. I was not being who I truly am in my deepest part of my soul, and I wanted to get back there. The trials and tribulations of life had hardened me into someone my soul didn't recognize. God had Blessed me with a caring heart, intelligence, warmth, and non judgmentalism, and I was blowing it. I was letting the happenings of life steer me to another side of me that even I wasn't comfortable with.
I stocked up at Waldenbooks, and read everything I could for a few years. Books on self help, anger, spirituality, psychology, and I went to reflexology sessions for two years. I attended a twelve step program every night for four and a half years. I studied every word I heard, and allowed them to seep into my mind, and tweak it for the better. It took several years, but I am now free of the garbage of the past, at least to the extent it no longer drives me to the same behaviors. If the cat deposits a dead mole on my kitchen floor when I let her in, I no longer have to scream and yell and carry on, I simply get the mole and throw it outside (they are always dead, unfortunately.) There was a time I would avoid the room the mole was in until one of the kids or a neighbor would come and get rid of it for me. Those days are passed. I proudly got some tissues, and removed the head of some poor chipmunk off my comforter, when I noticed it waiting like a present for me, before I went to bed. Now, that's progress.
I feel safer, more secure, smarter, and calmer since I began my journey, and I am by no means finished. All in the pursuit of happiness; mine, and those I care about. If we are to be on this Earth, we might as well enjoy it while we can. All too soon, it will be over. Living through anger and past disappointments can only lead to a very unhappy life. We must work through what is bothering us, and heal it from within so we feel better about ourselves, and therefore, have more tolerance for others. As a matter of fact, we'll find we have more tolerance for ourselves as well. This will open up a whole new vibrancy to our personality and we can drink in all this life has to offer. It's a win/win situation. If freedom is what we're after, it doesn't come from this world, it comes from inside our mind. We can make our mind up, or we can change it. We can reinvent ourselves to be the kind of person we are underneath, and want to be on the surface. We just have to be willing to do the work!
This has really made me think Sue, a most inspiring and striking article. It is so true but change can be hard and takes time. You have prompted me to think of a number changes I would like to make within myself that would improve both my life and that of others. Organization skills is one of them. There is so much more I would like to discuss with you Sue. You have such a deep incite into life and an understanding of how people feel. Look forward to reading more of your writing. This one has really caused great reflection.
thank you for reading and responding. my thinking comes from experience, good or bad, i believe everything is connected and God has a plan for me. i'm going to keep reinventing until i accomplish what it is He wants of me before i die.
I enjoyed reading this article Susan, we are all responsible for the lives we lead and the actions we take. By the way, dont let the cat see you throwing the dead prey away. She has brought those poor little bodies to you as gifts for the larder. It is the cats way of thanking you. I find meditation a great help in my life. Love and Light, Joseph
i'm gearing up for meditation. going through a divorce for 14 months has too many thoughts in my mind, i hope when i calm down i'll be more easily able to focus.
» left by Joseph Boyle from Ireland (60 days 21 hours ago.)
I know what you mean Susan, I went through the divorce thing. Best to get it over as quickly as possible so you can move on. Its something you will look back on. Wishing you every happiness, Joseph
thanks for reading and responding. i do appreciate your time. i'm glad you came away from this article with much to think about. it's living the best way i've figured out yet.
This concept of reinventing yourself is topical. I have been experimenting with a "new me" recently, and even had a discussion about it with my sister this very week. Not so much having to do with anger control, but presenting oneself differently into a new environment from how we present ourselves in the old environment.
What it seems to me is that even as we change, family can still infantilize us, or treat us as if we were still that little boy or girl fighting over the Barbie doll. Then, enter a new place and new people, and all those imaginary associations go away instantly. Then, we are free to explore the personality that has been wanting to get out for a long time.
"...Then, we are free to explore the personality that has been wanting to get out for a long time...." very true, i know it was that way with me when i escaped the confines of my little house growing up, and it has been with each of my 3 kids.
Disclaimer: All information on this site is provided for informational purposes only! By no means is any
information presented herein intended to substitute for the advice provided to you by any health care or other professional
or organization.
