October marks the fifth anniversary of my mom's death. She died at the age of 57 of a sudden heart attack. Every year, I believe I am not going to be emotional, but as soon as the month turns to October I feel myself being drawn to the pity world.
I will admit there is not a day that goes by without me thinking of something I want to tell her. It got me to thinking today: why do I not put it in writing in hopes to one day meet up with her again? That is the inspiration of this article. There are so many times I instinctively go to the phone to call her only to remember that I can't. I thought that urge would go away, but it still finds its way back at times.
My daughter was born a year and a month after her death. I hate most that she missed out on knowing her and that I'm not able to ask her things about my own childhood and how we compare.
In that spirit, here are the things I would share with my mom if we could talk one last time.
I have a daughter
I have this amazing daughter and she continually makes me smile. Last night she renamed our whole family. My new name was Freddy. My husband and son are now George Sr. and George. She renamed herself Sally. It was pretty entertaining as she refused to call us by our real names. It drove her brother insane! But we still couldn't help, but crack up.
Yesterday at her brother's soccer game, she decided to show off her own soccer skills. However, before she kicked the ball, she did a twirl and a dance. She wanted to make sure we knew she was a dancer first.
Remember how you used to say I had the cutest button nose as a child? She has the cutest button nose. I wonder sometimes if it is the same one.
She takes ballet. I know! Can you imagine? Me, the softball queen, has a daughter who dances her little heart out! She is cute too! One time she fell on her tap shoes and never wanted to dance again. Little did I know, her feet had grown. New shoes and she is going non-stop.
She is so smart and funny, mom! The things she knows and does. At the lunch table at school the other day, she impersonated Beeker. You know, the muppet. She said her teachers just laughed. A little boy tried to kiss her last week-she laid him out. Her teacher got on to her for hitting, but her dad and I secretly gave her a high five. She knows how to write her name already and how to spell her brother's.
She is in speech too! Remember when I had to go to speech. I worry that even though she is so smart that no one will ever know because of her speech. When they tested her, she scored much higher than the norm-the testers were in shock. We were in shock. They had to hit a ceiling on the test and two hours later, she still knew the answers!
Your grandson is no longer a baby
The little boy you spoiled and spent hours talking to on the phone, has grown up so fast. He continues to loose teeth. One is even hanging at the moment. He struggles with perfection and I wish every day I could ask how you knew my brother had ulcers at a young age. He is more driven than his daddy and I ever were and sometimes we don't know how to deal with him. He has glasses now! He is so handsome.
He is very athletic. He made the all-star team in baseball. This past weekend in soccer, he made the most beautiful assist and stopped endless goals. He is amazingly brilliant. He wakes up early every morning just to read. I wish I could be that dedicated.
He is a much better author then I could ever be and won an essay contest in kindergarten. The trophy for his essay contest was bigger than all his sports trophies.
He is funny too when we can get him to relax! He froze his toothbrush to get out of brushing his teeth. He caught five fish last weekend. They look more like bait than actual fish, but he did it by himself!
He has been having headaches and I wish I could ask your advice on what I should do.
He still remembers you and sometimes I hear him telling his sister about things you used to do. He still remembers the songs you sang him, the baseball you bought him and talking to you on the phone.
My husband
I know you always played around joking with my husband, but you would be super proud of him. You should see him with our daughter-the two are like peas in a pod. He and our son are just the same. I love hearing them giggle with him at night before bed.
He works hard for us. He is often up past midnight working for our family doing side jobs. He is still so smart and caring. He takes good care of me! We have awesome bosses who gave us the chance to go to California this past summer. It was an amazing trip that really revolutionized our marriage and goals! I wish you could meet them! They not only provide us with much needed income, but they are amazing friends and role models! They make us laugh and teach us a ton! We have been so grateful for them!
My husband continues to give up so much for us without ever once questioning it or feeling sorry. He was a good choice for me!
Of course, this isn't all I want to tell you, but I am sure you might be overwhelmed at this point. I will say I try to not take any moment for granted with my kids. I am trying to take care of myself so that my hubby and I can live to see all of our grandchildren born. So that we can grow old together for a very long time.
