Whether you're a parent or just a casual observer sitting on the sidelines of a children's soccer game, you have probably noticed that the parents can get more excited about the sport than the kids. And not only soccer, but all sports. I chose soccer simply because I have witnessed this phenomenon first hand. I don't think there is any town in the USA more dedicated to the sport of children's soccer than Dallas and it's surrounding suburbs.
Living in Mesquite, Texas I followed the lead of most other families in our neighborhood and signed my daughter and son up for soccer as soon as they turned old enough-three years old-I wasn't kidding when I said Texas takes the game of soccer very seriously.
The youngest kids were all so adorable in their little uniforms. Their shorts came down to the top of their socks and shin guards and the smallest ball (I think it was a #3) reached their knees. Of course, this is a Mom's point of view-I'm sure the Father looked at his offspring and saw a future Dallas Side Kicks' Tatu.
One problem with starting kids this young, is their short attention span. It wasn't unusual to see a tiny player sit down in the middle of a game in the middle of the playing field and start digging at an anthill. Soon several players would be engrossed in poking sticks at the ants while the ball rolls past unnoticed. But all in all, it was great fun to watch the kids play and cheer on a favorite little future Side Kick'.
Speaking of cheering, some of the parents at these games could use a little etiquette counseling on how to act in a civil manner while encouraging their child to play his or her best. Most of us have seen examples of how tempers can flare between parents, coaches, referees, umpires, players and other parents at these competitive sports events.
The biggest concern at a child's sports event is what kind of example is being set for the children by these over-zealous parents? Are they being taught that it's ok for the father-or mother-to show their support by slugging the coach or referee when they disagree with a particular game call? Sometimes it doesn't go so far as to get physical, but the verbal sparring, four-letter expletives, and catcalls from the sidelines can be very demeaning to the over-all clean spirit of children's sports.
At one particular game, I was shocked when the coach from the opposite team was banned from the field for the remainder of the game because a few of his team's parents were becoming too unruly! From across the field I couldn't hear the words, but I could tell by the body language that one father and mother were very unhappy with certain calls made by the referee on several occasions. I, along with all the confused children, could only stand and wonder: do these people not realize how immature they look even to kids many years younger than they?
As I think about those games all those years ago, I can't help but wonder if instances such as those could be the conducive factors to so many conflicts in the adult sports arenas of today. Or could it be just the nature of the beast' that competitive sports just naturally bring out the raw savage of some inner barbarian.
I have since moved to Arkansas and now watch my grandchildren play soccer. I am happy to see that the parents here are still enthusiastic about the sport, but I have noticed that they are much more appreciative of the children's point of view and all the parents--and grandparents--cheer for both sides. For the younger teams no score is kept--this seems to alleviate the pressure to 'win at all costs' that was so prevalent in the games that I witnessed in Texas. And although, some of the girls tend to cry when they lose, a trip to Pizza Inn or McDonald's soon eases their pain.
If, and when, you attend these children's sports, please try to remember that you are there to support them and set an example of which you know they could be proud. For, I promise you, your children will grow up remembering how you acted at their soccer games-or whatever sport they happen to play. Help them create memories that will bring them joy in later years; not memories that they prefer to hide.
Our young athletes of today will be our proud winners of tomorrow and they will reflect the honor (or dishonor) of their upbringing.
Sandra E. Graham, author, AMOS JAKEY and NICOLINA published by American Book Publishing. I also write book reviews for authors through Book Pleasures. Visit my website for more information on my books that are in print now and reviews I have written.
congrats for being on the front page twice! you go! i'm happy for you.
i was exposed to all you write about with my 3 kids in basketball and soft ball.
our schools in our immediate area had to write up a paper and all parents have to sign that if they become unruly, they are to leave the game. i've also been witness to a few coaches who "teach" in a harsh fashion. i was always the lone mom, cheering for both teams, in the bleachers and you would think by the looks i got that i was marilyn manson. never stopped me, though. this was a well written,interesting article that tells of what really goes on at most of these "sport" games.
A very interesting article Sandra and I especially agree with you about the rude and dispicable attitude of some parents. Unfortunately, we have a lot of them.
I didn't realize there was such a problem with unruly adults at the children's games. Sounds like some of them need to relearn sportsmanship, and also that it's a game and it is suppose to be fun.
Thank you Kathy. All the games I have attended in Arkansas have been great. The parents and children are always polite and agreeable. It is so much more relaxed here than it was in Texas.
Sandra, this is good information. Years ago, I coached my daughter's basketball team. A man from the other team actually followed me out the door and wanted to fight me! Can you imagine? I was surprised that the guy was so upset. If I remember correctly, he didn't like that I walked up and down the court (out of bounds, of course) which was clearly allowed to give the team instruction. They were 11 year old girls and many had never played basketball before. I wonder how many never played again. On the up side, I was glad my husband couldn't make that game!
I have seen that happen quite often at soccer games in Texas. Some parents are ubelievably obnoxious! It is no wonder that so many children grow up that way.
Hi Sandra -- again, a great story from you - you certainly deserve recognition because I don't believe I've ever read anything from you that I didn't enjoy -- You write, "
Speaking of cheering, some of the parents at these games could use a little etiquette counseling on how to act in a civil manner while encouraging their child to play his or her best. Most of us have seen examples of how tempers can flare between parents, coaches, referees, umpires, players and other parents at these competitive sports events. ... how true... although the only sport my daughter is involved in is gymnastics, it amazes me the aggression and rudeness from the parents and if you study the children's faces you can see that they are nervous -- let's just let them be kids and have fun! Thanks for sharing this!
» left by Sue G. from Little Rock, AR. (51 days 7 hours ago.)
Great article. Yes, too many parents often teach their children wrong views of winning and loosing. And I think you are right--these children grow up to be the poor-losers in adult sports.
Thank you, Arlene. 'Grannie' articles are my specialty. That is my granddaughter and her soccer friends. My wee grandson was too young for soccer this year, but he will start T-Ball in the spring--I'm ready for that!
Or should I call you Comment Queen. You may be taking the title from Teresa soon.
Anyway, I live in Los Angeles where soccer is king, but we don't have any kids playing sports, so I don't know about here. However, I grew up in Connecticut where football and baseball ruled. And in all those years of playing, I don't remember any parental incidents. I think it's a recent phenomenon, a symptom of a sick society.
I remember reading in recent years of one parent killing another parent over an argument. Over a kid's game! Amazing. I just think it's a general degrading of society, more road rage, less manors and concern for the other, etc. Personally, my wife and I abhor disrespect of any kind and instill the same in our children. I just think that in recent years with a more "liberal" upbringing--parents not wanting to harm their children's psyche--is a considerable factor in all this disrespect and, well, just down right stupidity.
Thanks, Jeff--but, I don't see me taking any titles away from Miz Teresa--the girl is a whiz when her fingers start pounding the keys!
Yes, I think more and more children show less and less respect for other people and other people's property than in the day when the "hickory switch" ruled!
I still believe in "painting those little back porches red" if the situation calls for it-----I may cry along with them later, but we both feel better in the end.
I enjoy the down to earth article about the simplie things in life. parents are sometimes out of control on their kid's sporting progroms. Sports are to be enjoyed, but good sportsmanship needs to be practiced especially by some parents.
Thanks, Steve, for reading and commenting. Some parents can really spoil children's sports by showing such poor sportsmanship at the kids' games. They either don't realize or just don't care what they are teaching their children.
I know the feeling, Mogama. I get really excited at my grandkids games and love to cheer them on; but, I have yet to see any of the parents here in Arkansas act like some of the parents in Texas. Of, course, everything is a little more laid back and casual here that it was down there.
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