I want to share a personal story with all of you today. You know that I rarely talk about my personal life on the blog – it's not really that I don't want to share it with 10,000 people every day – it's just that personal life is personal!
I just don't like to put my personal life out there. I've never been a kiss-and-tell kind of guy.
But I want to talk today about not caring. So many of you care too much and I'm getting WAY too many emails about how much you care about this one person who blew you off.
I've written about this several times, but for some reason or another, I just feel the urge to write about it again. I find that many of you put all of your eggs in one basket and you just care TOO MUCH.
About 2 months ago I went out with a new woman I had met. I'd say that the first hour of the date was mediocre at best. It just wasn't really that much fun. But the second hour of the date was much more interesting and I actually became quite intrigued by her as the second hour progressed.
So at the end of the date, I did my usual "walk away" – it's rare that I'll kiss someone I still don't really know. I like to build the desire up a bit not only in her, but in myself as well.
I sent her a great email the next day and told her what a pleasant surprise the date turned out to be. Email was how we had been corresponding back and forth. I told her that I had had no expectations, but I had ended up really enjoying the evening. And then I wrote something else very cute: "hope you have a great weekend, enjoy the ice cream that you were talking about," because she was really obsessed with this ice cream she was going to have.
She never responded.
I was sitting in my office with my assistant and some other people, and they asked me, "wow, man, aren't you bummed?" I responded, "no, not at all." I don't care. Why should I care?
I went out, spent two hours with someone, we had a nice night and got to know each other a little bit, and I guess that the chemistry just wasn't there for her. That's fine! It didn't ruin my day or bum me out.
I didn't email all of my friends obsessing about it, asking what I did wrong or lamenting about why she didn't email me back. I didn't overanalyze every second of the date, thinking that I shouldn't have said this, or that I should have said that. I just let it go.
This is what I think so many of you out there have never learned. Let it go! Why are you obsessing about someone who doesn't want to obsess about you? Would you ever go out with someone that obsessed about you? It's not healthy!
You need to learn to let things go and not care. It's really not that important. If you go out with somebody and you just don't connect – it's fine! Even if you think you connect and nothing happens – it's fine! If the other person doesn't feel the same way that you do – it's okay!
You can always send another email or call them again in a few days in one last-ditch effort. Maybe they just needed to think about it. Who knows?
But you should never obsess about it. Every time you obsess about something, every time you over think something, every time you overanalyze something – every time you drive your friends crazy about something – there are more opportunities that you've missed to stay present, meet and connect with other people.
So stop caring so much, and start moving forward! The minute you begin to move forward, your life will become much easier to manage than you've ever imagined!
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