One thing that life has taught me is that, if there is anything a man or woman, young or old must learn about life, it is learning how to stay calm, cool and collected in situations fraught with relationship uncertainty and unpredictability. Let me rephrase it this way: if there is anything one must absolutely master in this life, it's becoming comfortable with expecting the unexpected and living with relationship uncertainty and unpredictability.
And while many people intellectually know this, they don't necessarily deal well with relationship uncertainty and unpredictability. The way we react to relationship uncertainty and unpredictability may actually say more about us, than we say about ourselves.
1. Individual who perceive relationship uncertainty and unpredictability as upsetting and threatening
Individuals who perceive relationship uncertainty as upsetting and threatening are often people who have associated relationship uncertainty and unpredictability with vulnerability, negative consequences and undesirable outcomes.
Their natural and habitual way of reacting to relationship uncertainty and unpredictability is to obsess about unrealistic and exaggerated likely negative outcomes. The more focused the individual is on "preparing him or herself for the very worst" by exaggerating the "looming threat" the more he or she will engage in worrying, complaining and playing the most negative and scariest scenarios over and over and over -- practically terrorizing him or herself to no end.
Depending on the level of uncertainty, these individuals can go from panic to anxiety to frustration to trying to distract oneself to depression -- and even to suicide.
2. Individuals who perceive relationship uncertainty as problematic and a waste of time
Individuals who perceive relationship uncertainty as problematic and a waste of time are often people who have associated relationship uncertainty and unpredictability with uncontrollable and unmanageable risks. Relationship uncertainty and unpredictability makes them feel like the world (as they know it) is coming to an end and their very existence is in danger.
Their natural and habitual way of reacting to relationship uncertainty is turn against what they perceive is the "source of uncertainty" or attack the person they perceive is the problem or is responsible for their heightened feelings of anxiety, anger and emotional upset. The more focused the individual is on attacking the "source of uncertainty" the more anxious, angry and irrational he or she becomes, and the more overwhelmed and fearful about the future he or she feels.
Not-knowing what the future will bring and not being able to control that future literally freezes their usual ability to think rationally, make rational decisions or take rational actions.
3. Individuals who perceive relationship uncertainty as opportunities and "tipping points" that can bridge the gap between today and the preferred future
Whether by luck of the genes or deliberate training, these individuals are on most part not negatively affected by relationship uncertainty and unpredictability because they are naturally more optimistic and more confident about life - and the future in general.
To them unpredictability and relationship uncertainty is a reminder that nothing in life is set in stone, and that things are subject to change. If managed with care, the experience of not knowing, of not being able to rely on habitual ways of doing things may just be the beginning of something new, something beautiful - a new season.
This focus on a sense of purpose and well-being holds up their positive energy and shelters them from patterns of fear and panic, despair and pessimism. This purpose driven and hopeful attitude to life and to the future gives these men and women even more confidence in facing the future with increasing clarity and with greater peace and calm.
Becoming comfortable with expecting the unexpected, and living with relationship uncertainty and unpredictability is really about inviting what scares us and using it to move us further than we could have moved without "a little push" from life itself.
With so much relationship uncertainty and unpredictability in our world, the choice we all have is: Do you live life panicky, anxious, worrying, complaining, frustrated, angry, overwhelmed, irrational, sad, depressed, negative and pessimistic or do you take the unpredictability and relationship uncertainty of life and turn it into an opportunity for increased clarity, creativity, greater peace and blessings?
It is good to remember that blessings are not just about money, houses, cars or "things" but that blessings are good health, happiness, sharing love (freely given to us) and conveying good-will and good feelings towards others -- in your own small way, in your own small corner of the world.
How you deal with unpredictability and with uncertain situations in many ways represents your best hope for good health, happiness and love -- a well-being that looks with confidence to the future even when you don't know exactly what that future will look like.
My mama always said: Always remember, the storm is not inside of you -- you just happen to be in the storm.
About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Dating Confidence/Relationships Coach who has devoted her life to the blending of indispensable age-old wisdom with modern realities into a prescription for passion, vitality, balance and effortlessness. Her thought-provoking message of conscious intentionality offers singles new, realistic and stimulating insights to rediscovering the mysteries and eternal beauty of men - women sexual relationships.
Christine's main website: http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com
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