As I staggered along the sun-baked cracked earth, I knew that the only reason to continue was to get to the other end! "I need w ate r" I felt like screaming out but nobody was there to listen!
It's a long story and how I came to be in this dessert without food or assistance is well a pile of dung! It all is a pile of dung! I wasn't in a dessert or in need of w ate r I was just in an extremely large car park called America !
I got the driver to drop me off at Circuit City and as the name suggests it sells computers and such-like. Not finding what I wanted there I decided to walk to Wal Mart! And that people is where my story starts!
As I have mentioned before, nobody walks in America ! To get from one place to the next requires a car! Even the local Chase Bank is a drive-in! But I walked as I didn't have a car and apart from the loud honking noises as ir ate drivers queried the "fool" I was the only two-footed soul in existence! No pavements mind you, just dirt tracks that perhaps the cows had hacked-out before the motorised humans built the freeway' and moved them to greener stalls!
I won't talk about Wal Mart I got trapped between two enormous bums beside the printers and well, I don't want to talk about that anymore! After finishing my shopping I asked the Mexican girls at the Customer Services counter to get me a taxi! Well, in twenty minutes or so a member of the Pasadena Taxi gang rolled up in this clapped out Chevy with a home-made sign on top that read "tacci". The more than middle-aged skinny guy that got out had a bald head, an American Flag tattooed on the back of his skull (I don't think he was going to vote for Obama) and another hundred tattoos up arms that were completely illegible due to his arms having seriously wrinkled over the years. He grumped at me through a mouth of studs and safety pins, I'm sure one connected his lower lip to his left nostril and as I climbed into the back seat I could only think that this journey was not going to go as smoothly as I had hoped!
I actually tried to climb into the front seat but his "I aint movin anything - sit on it if you want" pointed me to the fact that the front seat was covered in junk for a reason! Anyway, I plonked myself in the back and directed him to the Green Port on Industrial Road !
Well, blow me down with a feather if he didn't promptly stop his engine, angrily say "goddarn ah knew it" and turn around as if he wanted to decapit ate me right there and then! His metal apertures were jumping ten to the dozen as he ranted and raved about being called out a long way for a small job! I really wished that little Mexican girl from Wal Mart who had ordered the taxi had been with me at least I could have pointed the finger at her and sunk into my corner to escape the froth!
Anyway, eventually we got going after three attempts to start the car and after leaving some angry tyre marks outside of Wal Mart! The journey wasn't easy! I will list a few things that my driver shouted whilst sticking his finger up in rude gestures but these by no means cover the full diatribe that I suffered!
Hey, Pr**ck this is a freeway not a parkway!
Learn to drive ya "ni***er!
"Wal, I don't like you for draggin me all the way out here all for nothing an I don't have to like you, nobody tells me who I like!
I can't drive you here this will blow my tyres are you gonna pay for them?
Anyway, after blowing off steam for the journey I paid him off without a tip which really had his studs glowing red and left him in a pot hole that had caused his taxi to stop sooner than he had expected! Not that the pothole was big, just that his taxi was a complete piece of junk! He had more metal in his face than under the seat of the car!
And so I learnt a valuable lesson! Don't go shopping in the middle of the dessert and more to the point don't call a taxi to drive you home! I couldn't survive in that sort of environment how can nobody walk and more still who would put their life into the hands of a complete jerk?
Disclaimer: All information on this site is provided for informational purposes only! By no means is any
information presented herein intended to substitute for the advice provided to you by any health care or other professional
or organization.
