Why do I think the assertive husband is a smart husband? Well, it's what I have been saying all along about marriage and adultery. Husband's and wives need to communicate their needs with each other it is paramount to the well being of the marriage that couples stay close to one another through the act of intimacy and communication.
For instance, last night on 20/20, Barbara Walters interviewed Peter Cook about his affair with an eighteen year old. He said that his wife Christy Brinkley was not meeting his needs and that he just wanted some acknowledgment and appreciation from her for all that he has done for their family over the years. She was too busy taking care of her own needs to SEE that she was depriving her husband of the love he needed, and I'm not just talking about sex here either. Sex is secondary to our emotional needs getting met.
Peter Cook should have asserted himself with his wife Christy Brinkley (now ex wife) instead of getting his needs met outside the marriage. Perhaps had he sat down with his wife and explained his feelings and position she would have stopped being so self-absorbed within her own little world and would have accommodated her husband's needs a little better for the sake of the marriage and family. This is why the assertive husband is the smart husband. Instead of looking for love outside the marriage a husband should try and preserve the love that is already in the marriage!
If a man feels unappreciated by his wife, he needs to speak up in a positive and productive way. If his physical and emotional needs are not getting met, he needs to speak up and talk to his wife through productive communication. Most of the time it is not the wife's fault that she has stopped validating and appreciating her husband, it is the fast-paced busy lifestyle that has literally not given her time to give her husband attention. But a friendly reminder does wonders.
Productive communication methods always steer towards self and how YOU feel, not how your spouse "made you feel". Do you see the difference? Don't be afraid to assert yourself, you wife will be genuinely happy that you did.
Intimacy Brings Couples Together.
1) "I feel that our busy lifestyle is moving us in separate direction and because of that my emotional and physical needs are not getting met. I'm sure you have needs too. I want to spend more quality/intimate time with you I miss you."
Being Assertive is Good For Marriage.
2) "There are some women at work that flirt with me and I have been tempted to flirt back and I may have already, I don't want to do anything against the marriage but these women make me feel good about myself."
Trust is Important For Marriage
3) "I'm not feeling very good about my position in this marriage. I feel that we need to talk about where each of us is heading and what we want for this marriage. I feel that the bond we once had is stretching kind of thin".
Appreciation is Good For Marriage
4) "I have certain needs and I feel that those needs just aren't getting met. It seems that we are growing apart and that is bad for our marriage. I just want to let you know that I do appreciate all that you do for the children but I feel left out of the equation I need you too."
Cooperation is Productive Communication
5) "I think we need to talk. I will express my needs and wants to you first, but you don't get to interrupt until I am done talking. Then you can express your needs and wants and I won't interrupt until you are done talking. Then lets talk about how we can work together to get our needs met."
Couples need to be assertive through productive communication. Husbands really need to speak up and talk about their feelings. If a husband feels undervalued and not appreciated, talk with your wife. Wife if you feel undervalued then talk with your husband. Don't wait until after you had an affair to tell your spouse how you feel or "why" you did it. Adultery hurts too many lives to play games like that. Do the right thing and talk with your spouse, today! Be the smart husband.
Peter Cook almost in tears said to Barbara Walters in the interview, "I knew it was wrong having an affair, but I felt Christy was not acknowledging me. All I wanted was to be acknowledged in some small way by my wife Our marriage grew apart and it was more of a sister/brother kind of a relationship. My needs were not getting metI knew that I should have talked with her and maybe healing could have taken place and we could have worked on our marriage "
Apparently Christy was too busy with her own separate life to notice that her husband was literally crying out for love. I felt sorry for the guy. Understand that this very same thing is happening today in thousands of marriages across the globe. Are you going to do the right thing and talk about what you need and want through assertiveness or are you going to get your needs met outside the boundaries of your marriage? It's your choice.
Angie Lewis has written five books on how to have a happy marriage. In her books she offers marriage tips, tools, techniques, and wisdom filled answers for you to apply in your marriage. From issues such as adultery, addiction, pornography, emotions, beliefs, forgiveness, communication and submission - it's all here! Angie's latest book ADULTERY PANDEMIC is about the prevalence of infidelity among the Christian community and what you can do to protect yourself and marriage. If you or your spouse have been unfaithful, this book will give you the spiritual insight and wisdom to overcome this devastating battle to heal yourself and restore your marriage. For more information about this book and marriage books, please visit: http://www.heavenministries.com
To see book previews, please visit: http://stores.lulu.com/angielewis
Angie Lewis is the author of five marriage books. Her style of writing focuses on the biblical foundations that God outlines for an exceptional marriage.
Love The Man You Married and LoveThe Woman You Married are great teaching tools for husband and wife to read together and then reflect upon. To preview or buy these books go here. http://www.lulu.com/AngieLewis
Journey on the Roads Less Traveled takes the reader on a spiritual journey towards spiritual awareness and forgiveness It talks about the author's own plight of overcoming alcohol addiction, coming to Christ and saving her marriage. To preview this inspirational book please see the marriage ministry. http://www.heavenministries.com
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