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So you go to a party and even if you're not the last one to leave, you may have a few more "for the road".
When you can't stop drinking socially, it's fair to say that you are no longer a social drinker and are probably an alcoholic. That word is painful. No one wants to hear it. So to be fair to yourself, try quitting for 6 months. Six full months without drinking. If you can't do it, then you have crossed the line into alcoholism. Crossing that line means there is no turning back for the vast majority. You will hear stories about how someone managed to stop for good on their own, but they are probably 1 in 10,000 if that. The odds are probably much higher.
The embarrassment comes in when you start to compromise your own standards. Under the influence you say things you never would have said normally. And since alcohol helps you all but completely eliminate your inhibitions, you start behaving in an unbecoming way for a good and decent person like yourself. In a more extreme case you may wake up the next morning in horror next to someone you may not like or even know.
Furthering your embarrassment that is slowly really turning into shame is the way your friends and family are starting to view you. As some A.A. literature puts it they view you "with mingled pity and contempt". Think about that mingled pity and contempt. Not only does that indicate that they feel some pity (very little most likely) but view your situation with disgust. Because they don't, and will never understand. You have no control over this growing problem. Don't bother trying to explain it to them. The only other person who will understand is one who has the problem himself or herself.
So this is how social drinking evolves into alcoholism, and this is why you have feelings of embarrassment because you aren't acting like yourself at all and you begin to compromise the standards that used to mean so much to you.
When you reach this point you can try to stop on your own, which the odds are very much against, but you may be the exception. Or you can get help, whatever you are most comfortable with. Because once you become an alcoholic, the problem will get worse, not better. It is a chronic condition that will remain with you, even if you are fortunate enough to keep it on the back burner, for the rest of your life.
Once you manage to stop drinking, you don't have to wear the stigma of alcoholism like a badge. No one has to know and if you told them it would just put them in the position to judge you. You just get on with your life. Do whatever maintenance you need to do to stay sober, and know that you are no longer a drunk. That word is no longer a part of your vocabulary.
If you have a drinking problem, you can get help to stop here and now, and there is an easier, softer way to do it:
HI Samantha, you did a great job addressing this very painful subject. Thank you for the sincerity that comes through your words. I especially like what you said in the end.
A person does not have to label themselves as an alcoholic if they are no longer drinking. It's true they need to continue to keep themselves in check, but they don't have to view themselves as an acoholic. On the otherhand, for some former alcoholics this is part of what keeps them sober. Its a tough situation for sure. Thanks again for sharing these tips that will help others to keep themselves in check.
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