It is amazing at the number of people who are not even aware that such a problem exists as postpartum frigidity. Most have heard of postpartum depression but few associate frigidity as sometimes a part of this same problem. I was almost 30 years old before I had even heard of it. But it is indeed a fairly prevalent one, far more than most people are aware of. I worked for a credit reporting agency as an outside credit and insurance investigator during the 1950's with a young man, both of us in our late twenties. My wife and I were expecting our second child at that time and this man had only one also. We became quite close and confided our personal problems with one another.
I first learned that this man was a womanizer to the extreme although a good fellow otherwise. When he heard of our forthcoming child number two, he rather sadly stated that there would be no more children for them. He loved his little girl very much. And then, he voluntarily confided in me that his wife had turned totally frigid after the birth of their baby. He went on to say that sex was no longer mentioned in their household and they slept in separate beds. I asked him if she had been to a psychoanalyst or some other counselor and he said that she did but it did not help. I felt sincerely sorry for the fellow but I still could not agree with his philandering lifestyle. His home had become a situation where they were living together only because of their mutual love for the little girl. It was wonderful that they cared so much for their child but so pitiful to live in such a condition. He told me that he knew an older man who was personnel manager for a local textile firm who had the same family problem. I happened to know the man myself and it again surprised me since I had never realized there was such a strange phenomenon. He also had one child and was chasing ever lady in town that he could. He had actually been accused of using his position for hiring those ladies who would go out with him, over those who would not.
After thinking about this situation very seriously, it came to my mind that I knew three other couples who had only one child and the husbands were philanderers. Amazing. Not that all people with one child are in such a situation, nor are all straying husbands married to a woman with that problem. But it is highly suspect when you see a couple happily married and that suddenly change to an adulterous man and an unhappy marriage after the first child. I am thankful that we never had such a problem, but if we had, I believe I love my wife enough to remain faithful to her anyway and make every effort to help her to overcome her problem. The only good news I have on any that I was personally acquainted with, was the young man I worked with. He and his wife continued to try and find help for her, and some two or three years later, he told me that their problem was resolved and their marriage was never better. But the poor guy was killed in a car accident only a few years after that.
When you stop and think about your acquaintances, you will probably all be able to think of several who fit this profile for postpartum frigidity. Even some in high public office.
Having read all I could find on the matter which wasn't a lot, I am convinced that the majority of cases can be remedied by correcting any nutritional deficiencies and/or psychological counseling, along with an understanding and considerate husband. Here is a quote from a herbal website that may put a little light on the subject.
The main benefit of a natural approach is that it can offer the benefits of other prescription medication without the unwanted side effects. It is never too late to awaken and enhance female sexual pleasure and develop a healthy and satisfying sexual relationship between you and your partner by increasing sexual desire. (nativeremedies.com)
Another thing I did learn in my research of this, was that more rarely, there are a number of mental problems that can occur at childbirth, such as hostility toward the child itself. This is even a more dreadful thing. I have always pictured a mother and child as being the strongest possible bond of love that has been endowed upon mankind. And I still hold that view with the exception of mental quirks which can occur from with anyone and anytime, I suppose.
Here is a blurb from (pathlights.com, birth and children, frigidity:causes)
CAUSES-Frigidity is generally of psychic, not organic, cause. There is guilt, fear, depression, a sense of inferiority or conflict with one's mate. Unfortunate experience and misinformation, received earlier in life, often lays the groundwork for the problem.
But, the purpose of this article is to inform all women of this possibility and that it need not be the end of a happy marriage. Never give it up, but continue to try and find the underlying cause. It is not a natural occurrence.
