Women of all ages seem to have an unstoppable need to gather and heed their friends' advice when it comes to dating – particularly when it comes to "analyzing" how well dates go (or don't go as the case may be). Let me tell you – this practice is NOT helping you in your dating life.
It's time to stop listening to your friends. You get to a point in your life as a woman when you've got to start listening to yourself. That time is right now!
Women always talk about their "women's intuition" and how great it is at just knowing what is really going on in any situation. If that's the case, though, why does every woman seem compelled to go to her friends with a blow-by-blow description of their dates seeking her friends' opinions?
Start listening to yourself. Start trusting yourself a little bit!
Your friends were not on that date with you last night. They can't break it down.
Remember that great Sex And The City episode that spawned that really bad book "He's Just Not That Into You" (which has now spawned a movie of the same title)? Just like the scene in that episode, a lot of women will get together to do what I call a "post-date recap."
Now, granted, a lot of guys will do a "post-date recap" with their friends as well. They'll talk about the moment they talked about their crazy uncle and will worry about the fact that he brought that up and whether the fact that he did ruined the date. Just like the women, his friends will break down the date and agree with him.
Friends are meant to agree with you. Think about this. If you walk around a room telling your friends that there are no good men to meet, your friends will say "absolutely" and agree with you because they're your friends and you think alike.
When it comes to dating, you've got to start relying on your friends less and trusting yourself more. You've got to trust your own experiences. You need to trust your heart.
You need to trust your own intuition, because your friends are never going to be there on that date with you. They're never going to see the man's facial expressions and body language.
Not only that, but the "post-date recap" hell will drive you crazy. There is nothing you can do in terms of breaking down that date that will give you all the answers you want to know. If a guy doesn't call you after a date, then in that situation I agree with that book that he's just not that into you - plain and simple. It's no different than when you don't call a guy back – it means that you are not into him.
So you can post-date recap with your friends all you want, but you've got to stop listening to your friends as far as what you take away from that date. You need to start accepting things as they come, because sometimes in life things just don't work out with men you meet . . . for whatever reason.
The thing about dating that drives everyone crazy – both men and women – is that it doesn't work out most of the time. It's no big deal . . . and you need to start understanding and believing that it's no big deal.
Just the other week I went on a date with a very sexy redhead with whom I was interested in going on a second date. I sent her a very cute email the very next day after our first date, and she never emailed me back.
What did I do? I didn't sit there torturing the people I work with trying to figure out why she didn't reply to my email. I didn't call my friends and go through a long play-by-play post-date recap trying to figure out if I said something wrong. I just let it be, because the situation is what it is – it doesn't matter why she didn't email me back..
Sometimes there just isn't a deeper meaning to why things don't go well on a date. Women are always looking for that deeper meaning in things, and sometimes there just isn't one.
Sometimes you've just got to let it go. So stop trying to break down every date, stop listening to your friends, let it go and move on to someone else.
This is the same advice I give men – and I give it for the same reason. If you don't let these things go, what happens is that you spend all your time thinking about someone who doesn't want you while you miss all the opportunities that are out there to meet people who DO want you.
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