Our corporation had been rapidly and consistently growing in the health and nutrition field with what are products of the highest standards and effectiveness. Some of our board members however noticing an almost supernatural mania for "things Obama" brought up the idea of capitalizing on this Obama Mania" for crass commercial profits, a departure from our dedicated health improvement base. A previous meeting which filled us with great expectations of thundering sales, and as the results of vast research into the existing products which have set astronomical records, even before the president elect has been formally installed.
The count of various items such as memorial plates, coins, cards, poster, underwear, neckties, hats, jewelry, etc. exceeded over two hundred items. We had our infallible numbers cruncher - by exclusion and statistical magic, come up with the winning category - by far - The Obama Door Knocker!
The Obama "change and hope" entered our boardroom as our mousy, mono-toned Mr. Numbers began his analysis - which transformed into a sales presentation. His eyes glistened (making them tremendous in his bottle glass glasses) and his usually flat tone - was vibrant! His opening words were "yes we can!"
He proceeded to tell us that like Washington this face would be everywhere. Despite the new home building collapse this doorknocker would replace ALL existing doorknockers. Besides private homes, libraries, churches, even federal buildings would all want to replace Lincoln, F.D.R., Jackson, and places that Bush (one or both) would have gone.
The boardroom was silent in awe of this newfound personage emerging as a butterfly from his cocoon (or whatever). He proceeded to say that it not only was a doorknocker but that the faithful could hang in the dining room, the living room, the bedroom, and anywhere where it could be a new novelty, the Obama Luck Piece! We could easily adapt it to be multiple towel hangars in the bathrooms. People with five bathrooms might order thirty or more! The person wishing the Obama Luck just had to knock twice making their wish at the same time. He added that we could give volume discounts to people who wished to hang the Obama Doorknocker in multiple rooms inside as well as outside the house.
There was absolute silence for a long moment - then thunderous applause! Everyone stood up for our new and shining star. Vice president of sales looked to be a distinct possibility
Shiwanda who had been taking the notes raised her hand. I nodded, and she quietly asked our new star, " How do you change a doorknocker into a towel holder?" "Easy Peasy", he replied, " We put a ring through his nose!" Shiwanda stood up - threw her notes and then her water glass in the direction of Mr. Numbers and stomped out of the meeting.
After a longer silence Mr. Numbers said in his normal mouse like way, I guess the towel hangar idea should be scratched." More silence. Then Mr. MOR (Middle of the Road) spoke up and said. "There's more." I nodded to him and he said, "What color would it be?" This caused everyone to turn to everyone else when Mr. C (conservative) spoke up and said, "Why-- Black of course!"
This caused Mr. L (liberal) to jump up and say," Don't you know anything? Don't you know about the famous Lawn Jockey? I asked in a very tired voice, "What about the Lawn Jockey and what the hell is it?" Turned out to be a very common lawn ornament that was originally black faced and then when racial animosity centered on it, owners were painting the face white.
Some blacks said that it was a legend about one Jocko Graves, an African American who served with General George Washington when he crossed the Delaware and held his horses and a lantern so they could find their way back. He froze to death and Washington was so moved he had a statue cast of him holding his lantern, and had it installed at his Mount Vernon estate. After this discourse where even the black community was divided on this simple lawn ornament our normally orderly board room was pandemonium with Mr. C, Mr. L, and Mr. C standing, red faced, apoplectic, and screaming at one another at the top of their lungs.
After letting this go on for some five minutes I slammed the water pitcher down on the desk so hard that it fragmented all over the room. Every one stopped.
I said, " It is obvious that we are like the US legislators" We let greed and politics in the door and it is destroying us! We can't make up our minds and we are fiercely divided and worse- much worse- confused for the first time ever!" "We have gotten away from our mission and this will never, ever, happen here, to this company, again. This meeting is over."
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