I wake up from a sound sleep with a weight hanging over my head. I am certain that I am about to be crushed by some unknown and unseen hand. Convinced on a very visceral level that some terrible calamity is about to befall my husband and me. The anxiety is almost too much to bear. My heart races and my chest becomes tight. It is fear, raw and real and yet imaginary. It comes out of nowhere and for no reason. I was not dreaming. Just sleeping.
The anxiety is followed quickly by a very seemingly real nausea in the pit of my stomach. For a moment I feel as if I am going to retch. But it has been hours since I last ate and my stomach is empty, growling even, as I deal with the nausea.
I know that I have only moments to act and I hastily throw back the covers and sit up. Just then, heat washes through me. Heat like you can not imagine. It starts in my face and neck and chest and soon envelops me. Sweat pops out on my upper lip, below my eyes and behind my ears. My legs prickle with it and my chest becomes slick. My sides tickle mercilessly as the sweat runs down them. In no time, my pajamas are soaked through. At least I have saved soaking the sheets as well.
I am not sick. Just old. And hot flashes have become an unwelcome part of my life. I have read that some women have them for a few short months and others for eleven years or more. I have been having them for about six years now and have just about had enough. I'm hopeful, though. Each day I think, "Today will be the day they end. No more hot flashes for me." So far no luck.
"Are you nuts," is what I say to the women who insist that I look upon hot flashes as "power surges." I have read that some women welcome them, that they arouse them. Well, honey, you are not having the same hot flashes that I am if you can say that. They are a distraction at best and a total disruption at worst. Sometimes I can not even hold a thought for the severity of them. So hot! So uncomfortable! And then so cold as the sweat evaporates and forces me under the covers once more.
Most of the women I know who are of an age or situation to have hot flashes do not experience the anxiety and nausea that I do and so I had thought that perhaps there was something other at work in me. But I have found by searching the Internet that there are a great number of women who have the same experiences with their hot flashes. I've learned that it is fairly common and not life threatening.
I get hot flashes during the day as well, but they are not so much of a problem as those that wake me from a deep sleep. During the day, when I feel anxious for no reason, it doesn't have the weight and fright about it that it does during the night. I dress for these occasions in layers and the anxiety gives me a heads up and head start on peeling off some of them. I've been known to strip naked and stand under the ceiling fan turned on high. You've no idea how good that feels. There have been times when it was so bad that I did not care whether or not the living room blinds were open. No time to close them! Only the need to find relief.
When I worked in the fast food industry, we had a walk-in refrigerator that had, within it, a door to a walk-in freezer. It was minus four degrees Fahrenheit in there. Sometimes I really wish I had one of those in my house. Bernd says he can feel the heat coming off of me from a foot away. I feel as if he should be able to toast marshmallows over the fire that is me.
In most respects, though, I feel lucky to have had no more trouble from menopause than the hot flashes. Generally, my mood has been stable. I have not gained weight. My blood pressure is on the low side and my bones have better density than the average 30 year old's bones. I am grateful. Fed up with hot flashes, but grateful for the rest.
And there are some real benefits to menopause. I once suffered from terrible menstrual cramps. No longer. There isn't that monthly mess to be dealt with and disposed of. No more accidents or changing the sheets in the middle of the night. And I feel that my mind is clearer than it has ever been in my life. I've heard that from other women as well. I'll just ignore the Swiss cheesing of parts of my memory. Notes. Little notes all over the house have become my good friends.
And and my creativity has taken off. I had always been creative, but now it seems to be almost supercharged at times. Jewelry designs and prose come fast and furiously into my mind. I now have note pads and pencils all over the house. And a book light for the middle of the night when a hot flash has awakened me and I realize I've just had the most wonderful idea for an article. So while I could do without the hot flashes, in all honesty, they are a small price to pay for all the wonders that menopause has brought to my life. Never do I want to be young again with all the messiness and drama and turmoil, the cyclic moodiness. It's good to be young when you are young, but I would not trade this time of my life for anything.
Dianne Lehmann is a jewelry designer who has been in business since January of 2000. Her interest in designing and manufacturing jewelry goes back beyond that to 1994. It took her many years of trying various creative outlets to finally figure out that making jewelry is where she could really shine. Dianne began with simply stringing beads onto cable and has progressed from there. She is now an accomplished lapidary (cuts and polishes stones) and silversmith. Dianne and her husband, Bernd, live in northern Arizona and both love to hike. Dianne can not help but pick up rocks (they are her first love) and some of these find their way into her jewelry. Dianne makes one-of-a-kind pieces that she hopes give people as much joy to view as she gets from the making of them.If you like, you may view her work at http://www.syzygyjewelry.com
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This is great! You've shared the Wonder of Menopause as I've heard it. I have declared and decreed that I will NOT have hot flashes, in Jesus' Name! My sisters laugh. Through the heat, I'm delighted you are able to come through with just how cool you are at this age. Not old, just well-seasoned!
When I lived in FL, a lady in Tampa made the evening news because of hot flashes. She was downtown when one hit and began to undress. Unfortunately for her, so were a news camera crew. They blurrrred out her strip ease (not tease). Fortunately for her, her judge was a menopausal woman and she wasn't jailed for any length of time.
I truly understand about what you are feeling.It brought a smile to my face for sure.My wife going through it and guess what? I'm having sympathy pains so said by the doctors.(go Figure!)
My husband suffers from clinical depression and understands the sudden attacks of anxiety. He's had his own for some time.
But ... he has recently started having mild hot flashes. I attributed them to the little known "male 'menopause'." It does exist to some degree. Levels of testosterone in the blood of males change as they age and it is the changes in estrogen in females that spark the hot flashes. Even so, hot flashes are not listed as a symptom of male androgen decline. So possibly, he too is having sympathy pains.
While it's a sweet notion that you are willing to suffer right along with your wife, I wouldn't wish that on any male for any reason.
Thank you so much for reading my article. I am glad that it brought a smile to your face.
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