There are times when I love being alone. No one in the house, I can do whatever I want. I can play my favorite CD's, light a few candles, and escape into my flat screen. I do so anyway, but it's just nice when there's no extra background noise. I can clean the kitchen twice as fast without any others walking through every few minutes. I can take a nice, relaxing nap with a calm feeling of peace. I might choose to call a friend or family member without any interruptions. I can read without outside influences asking me questions, and wanting me to do things. I can catch up on my e mails and correspondence. I can take a relaxing bath knowing I have time alone. In the nicer weather, I can sit on my front porch swing and think, and enjoy the nature all around me.
Loneliness, on the other hand, is just a camouflage for depression. I know when I feel lonely, there can be 200 people surrounding me. It doesn't seem to matter, I feel detached, isolated and separated. There is something tugging at my soul, whether I am aware of what it is at the time, or not. I think depression and loneliness hold each other's hand, and make one's spirit bankrupt. There is a feeling of failure, whether it is true or imagined. Our normal state of mind keeps tugging at us from the sidelines, trying to bring us back to reality, but in a depressive state, we ignore all positivity. It's not the end of the world we are worried about, but the end of our world as we know it.
It's not usually one thing that pushes us over our limit, but many little things swirling around in our heads. It's definitely an overload of all of our feelings, emotions, and excitement towards life. We try and use all our resources we've learned along the way, but sometimes, that just isn't enough. We're just too drained to care. We start thinking of all the worse case scenarios. We cry, and not only are we unsure of what we are crying for, we don't know how to stop. Prayer is our only outlet, and it always helps, sometimes it just takes a little longer than we want. There are reasons for that, we just don't know them. However, our Faith lets us know we are right where we are supposed to be. Little consolation at times, but the truth nonetheless.
Once we feel detached from others, we crawl into a shell of ourselves and build a wall around us so no one or nothing can penetrate it and reach our hearts or souls. In protecting ourselves, we are missing out on all of life's wonders. We are no longer lonely, our loneliness is an escape from reality because it's just too hard for us to handle at the time. If we are lucky, something will pull us out. It could be as simple and beautiful as a butterfly flying by, or a pretty bird, or a friend calling and talking to us about what is bothering us. It is hard to define, but if we think hard enough, we are able to describe our lack of joy.
Our lust for life is lacking. Sometimes, we can wait it out and it will pass, other times we should see a doctor and maybe get on medication, but in any case, life is too short to be melancholy. What others do cannot affect us to the point of being overwhelmed with a depressed frame of mind. Acceptance is a great tool to take advantage of when we just can't take it anymore. We can use our minds to accept what is bothering us, or who is bothering us, and know that God will always protect and take care of those who mean us harm. And then, we must learn to let it go. Let whatever we are obsessing about lift from our bodies, and let God handle it, ask Him to handle it, pray for Him to handle it.
Then, slowly come back to the land of the living. If possible, go shopping and buy something nice for yourself. A new piece of clothing, a candle that will burn for hours, a box of candy, whatever will rejuvenate your spirit. The next day, do something else. Go for a walk, take your dog to the park and let them run, go to a local airport if you are near one, and watch the planes and gliders take off and come down. Write an article and lose yourself in thoughts other than the depressive ones that keep knocking at your mind. Loneliness is a hollow feeling, being alone can be a nice retreat from the rest of the world. It can actually bring you peace amidst the chaos of life and it's demands on you.
However, if you feel alone in a room full of friends, and distance yourself from them and their conversations, and just want to get home and hop into bed, you may want to seek professional help. Life doesn't have to spent in a bubble of loneliness. You can break away, whether by receiving help from friends, books, and most importantly, a professional who knows how to restore your love of life, and your desire to be happy. May you enjoy your alone time and rid yourself of your loneliness.
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