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There are times when I love being alone. No one in the house, I can do whatever I want. I can play my favorite CD's, light a few candles, and escape into my flat screen. I do so anyway, but it's just nice when there's no extra background noise. I can clean the kitchen twice as fast without any others walking through every few minutes. I can take a nice, relaxing nap with a calm feeling of peace. I might choose to call a friend or family member without any interruptions. I can read without outside influences asking me questions, and wanting me to do things. I can catch up on my e mails and correspondence. I can take a relaxing bath knowing I have time alone. In the nicer weather, I can sit on my front porch swing and think, and enjoy the nature all around me.
Loneliness, on the other hand, is just a camouflage for depression. I know when I feel lonely, there can be 200 people surrounding me. It doesn't seem to matter, I feel detached, isolated and separated. There is something tugging at my soul, whether I am aware of what it is at the time, or not. I think depression and loneliness hold each other's hand, and make one's spirit bankrupt. There is a feeling of failure, whether it is true or imagined. Our normal state of mind keeps tugging at us from the sidelines, trying to bring us back to reality, but in a depressive state, we ignore all positivity. It's not the end of the world we are worried about, but the end of our world as we know it.
It's not usually one thing that pushes us over our limit, but many little things swirling around in our heads. It's definitely an overload of all of our feelings, emotions, and excitement towards life. We try and use all our resources we've learned along the way, but sometimes, that just isn't enough. We're just too drained to care. We start thinking of all the worse case scenarios. We cry, and not only are we unsure of what we are crying for, we don't know how to stop. Prayer is our only outlet, and it always helps, sometimes it just takes a little longer than we want. There are reasons for that, we just don't know them. However, our Faith lets us know we are right where we are supposed to be. Little consolation at times, but the truth nonetheless.
Once we feel detached from others, we crawl into a shell of ourselves and build a wall around us so no one or nothing can penetrate it and reach our hearts or souls. In protecting ourselves, we are missing out on all of life's wonders. We are no longer lonely, our loneliness is an escape from reality because it's just too hard for us to handle at the time. If we are lucky, something will pull us out. It could be as simple and beautiful as a butterfly flying by, or a pretty bird, or a friend calling and talking to us about what is bothering us. It is hard to define, but if we think hard enough, we are able to describe our lack of joy.
Our lust for life is lacking. Sometimes, we can wait it out and it will pass, other times we should see a doctor and maybe get on medication, but in any case, life is too short to be melancholy. What others do cannot affect us to the point of being overwhelmed with a depressed frame of mind. Acceptance is a great tool to take advantage of when we just can't take it anymore. We can use our minds to accept what is bothering us, or who is bothering us, and know that God will always protect and take care of those who mean us harm. And then, we must learn to let it go. Let whatever we are obsessing about lift from our bodies, and let God handle it, ask Him to handle it, pray for Him to handle it.
Then, slowly come back to the land of the living. If possible, go shopping and buy something nice for yourself. A new piece of clothing, a candle that will burn for hours, a box of candy, whatever will rejuvenate your spirit. The next day, do something else. Go for a walk, take your dog to the park and let them run, go to a local airport if you are near one, and watch the planes and gliders take off and come down. Write an article and lose yourself in thoughts other than the depressive ones that keep knocking at your mind. Loneliness is a hollow feeling, being alone can be a nice retreat from the rest of the world. It can actually bring you peace amidst the chaos of life and it's demands on you.
However, if you feel alone in a room full of friends, and distance yourself from them and their conversations, and just want to get home and hop into bed, you may want to seek professional help. Life doesn't have to spent in a bubble of loneliness. You can break away, whether by receiving help from friends, books, and most importantly, a professional who knows how to restore your love of life, and your desire to be happy. May you enjoy your alone time and rid yourself of your loneliness.
Susan Thom is the mother of three children, two sons, 18 and 21, and a daughter 23. Writing calms her, and gives her a place to go by herself! Clears the head and gets it out. She lives in a rural area, with a lake and mountains, her son and her partner, and has loved writing since she was a child.
She certainly hopes you enjoy her take on life, and her style of communicating that in stories.
She has been on a journey of self discovery for twenty years, and has learned many things about the human mind, and how to maintain some semblance of calm and peace within.
If someone reads one of her stories, and relates to her feelings, and maybe gets a suggestion on how she dealt with them in a positive way, that would be the ultimate gift of her writing.
"Loneliness And Being Alone Are Two Different Things" - Amen to that, Sue! A well-thought out and written article along with good advice when to seek help. Thank you for sharing. I won't elaborate on my loneliness-alone opinions but I am thankful I am rarely if ever, lonely. When I want to have a pity party with myself as the only guest, I can choose to feel alone but I haven't done that in a while. Thank the good Lord!
Hi Sue, Thanks for the great words. It is so true. I know this will help thsoe who have never considered the difference and I do hope it encourages those who need the help to reach out.
» left by Herb A Krantz from Dresher pa (221 days 1 hour ago.)
I know exactly what you are witting about. My wife die Dec 2007 althought Being surrouned with people does not take away my lonelness. I can be out with people or over my in-laws, I still feel lonely and out of place. I can't wait to run home and when I get there I lock the door and crawl into bed. It's not that I feel safe there I just don't want to be around people for a long period of time. I'm just now getting use to the house but it is only a house not a home.
Thank for you insight. I really like reading your articals.
thank you for your input. i know you are going through a very difficult time.
when my mom first passed away i didn't know how i was going to go on.
everyone told me, "time heals all wounds" and i'd seeth inside.
well, they were right. it's been 20 years now, and i can talk about her, and look at her pictures without crying for hours. it didn't take 20 years, either, maybe 2 or 3. don't give up. you are still a person wit much to offer the world, and God has left you behind because of it. try to figure out what that may be, and go for it. also, your wife's spirit cannot be free, in my belief system, and from what i've been taught, until you let her go. she wants you to be vibrant and a part of life, and doing good for yourself and others. don't do her a dis service by giving up on life, she doesn't want that, and you know that to be true. she may be in limbo, or suspended, and unable to cross over to where she is supposed to be, while you are still mourning so intensely. do you think that might be true?
get a job you like, paint if that's your thing, write, read, fix up the house, redecorate, anything that will make you feel worthwhile and not so depressed.
» left by asad hashmi from pakistan (169 days 9 hours ago.)
hey. i've been feeling lonely and depressed and suicidal all my life. last year in november i was put on 4 different psychiatric medications. they really made a big difference, made me stable and 'normal' i could go whole days without crying. but about 10 days ago my doctor halved the dosage of two of my medications. and since then.. i've been crying for no reasons at all, or silly little things. even when i'm surrounded by friends.. i feel lonely and want to cry.. i just hold back the tears till i go to the bathroom. and suicidal feelings have come back. i don't want to cut my wrists or burn myself etc like i did before. that seems pointless and meaningless. so yesterday i went and donated 400mg of my blood. i'm o negative. that made me feel better for 5 minutes. then today i went to a different place and donated again. and tomorrow or in a few days.. i'm going to donate again.
i've always been really sensitive.. and i've always hidden it from most people. i've usually been scorned and made fun of all my life. even reading (my one big love) doesn't do anything now. i've done a lot of psychedelics and marijuana. but i'm not doing them anymore.. i don't want emotional crutches, escapes.. i wanted to face life on my own.. and i was looking forward to getting off the meds. but now i don't know.. i want my dose to be increased.. but i know my parents and the doctors won't agree. i'm 21. in pakistan. really really lonely. i've never found a person i could relate to... and no one i know can really relate to me.. to the things i find important. i cry a lot. i know i shouldn't feel this way.. i've tried accepting my situation a lot of time. but the intense negative feelings just don't go away no matter what i tell myself.
i hope my blood saves lives. at least then i'll be a bit less worthless.
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